Classification B (Less Acceptable)

2. Classification B (Less Acceptable)

Dian Vita Ellyati has translated 13 similes (25,49% of the total data). Three examples of the less acceptable data will be explained as follows: Example 1:

He looked at the sky and saw the white cumulus built like friendly piles of ice cream and high above were the thin feathers of the cirrus against the high September sky.

21/SL/68 Ia melihat ke langit dan memandang awan cumulus putih terbentuk

bagaikan onggokan es krim yang ramah dan tinggi. Di atas terdapat bulu – bulu tipis awan cirrus berlatar langit September yang tinggi .

21/TL/A/60-61 It has been previously explained that the context of situation of the sentence is about the description of the sky in the middle of the old man’s long

journey. At that time, he sees some white cumulus which looks like friendly piles of ice cream.

The translation of this simile is less acceptable. It is because Dian translates the simile with wrong dictions. The image of the simile “friendly piles of ice cream” which is translated into “onggokan es krim yang ramah dan tinggi” is less acceptable because the noun phrase “piles of ice cream” cannot be correlated to the adjective word “friendly” in the target language. The diction “ramah” or “friendly” sound awkward if it is correlated to “es krim” or ice cream. Besides, the diction “onggokan” is also inappropriate if it is paired to ice cream. It

commit to user

disgusting like rubbish, for instance. Therefore, the translation of this simile is classified as a less acceptable translation. Example 2:

But, thank God, they are not as intelligent as we who kill them; although they are more noble and more able.

25/SL/70 Namun, syukurlah, mereka tidak sepandai manusia yang akan

membunuhnya; walaupun lebih mulia dan lebih cakap.

25/TL/A/62-63 It has been previously explained that the context of situation of the sentence is when the old man feels little worried that the big fish will probably do something to run away like breaking his boat, for instance. However, he becomes relieved when he remembers that fish is not as intelligent as humans.

The translation of the simile is also less acceptable. Dian translates this simile with an inappropriate pronoun. In Indonesian, nouns except humans must not be changed into pronouns. Therefore, the word “they” which refers to the fish cannot be translated int o “mereka”. It should be translated into “ikan - ikan”. Due to the inappropriate pronoun which is used in the topic of the simile, the translation of this simile becomes less acceptable. Example 3:

They came. But they did not come as the Mako had come.

48/SL/119 Mereka menghampiri. Tetapi mereka tidak datang seperti Mako

mendekati mangsanya. 48/TL/A/111

commit to user

sentence is when some hungry sharks come to attack the old man’s big fish which is lashed beside his boat. The simile compares the way the sharks come which is

not similar to the way the Mako comes. There are two reasons to prove that Dian translates the simile less acceptably. Firstly , the term “Mako” is not yet familiar in Indonesian. According to the website http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shortfin_mako_shark, it refers to a kind of a large mackerel shark and commonly known as “mako shark”. In this case, the term “Mako” should be changed into “hiu Mako”. The additional word “hiu” is much needed and intended to make the image of the simile clearer and more acceptable in the target language. Secondly, similar to the previous example,

there is also an inappropriate pronoun. The word “they” which refers to the hungry sharks attacking the old man’s big fish must not be translated into

“mereka”. It should be translated into “hiu - hiu”. Due to the reasons above, the translation of this simile is also classified as a less acceptable translation.

Meanwhile, Yuni Kristianingsih Pramudhaningrat translates 11 similes (21,57% of the total data) less acceptably. Three examples of the less acceptable data will be explained as follows: Example 1:

So he hooked a patch of yellow Gulf weed with the gaff as they passed and shook it so that the small shrimps that were in it fell onto the planking of the skiff. There were more than a dozen of them and they jumped and kicked like sand fleas.

36/SL/108 Jadi , dia mengait sepotong rumput teluk yang kuning dengan tombak

saat mereka lewat dan mengguncang - guncangnya sehingga udang

commit to user

– udang kecil yang berada di sana jatuh ke atas papan perahu. Ada lebih dari selusin jumlahnya dan mereka melompat - lompat seperti kutu pasir.

36/TL/B/107 It has been explained previously that the context of situation of the

sentence above is when the old man catches a lot of small shrimps to eat. The small shrimps are loaded to his boat. They fall onto the planking of the skiff. The simile compares the way the small shrimps jump and kick which is similar to the sand fleas.

In this case, Yuni has translated the simile less acceptably. She keeps the pronoun “they” in the topic of the simile and translates it into “mereka”. In fact, in

Indonesian, nouns except humans must not be changed into pronouns. Therefore, the pronoun “they” which refers to the small shrimps cannot be directly translated into “mereka”. It should be changed and translated into “udang – udang itu” or

“udang – udang kecil itu”. Due to the inappropriate pronoun which is used in the topic of the simile, the translation of this simile becomes less acceptable. Example 2:

They came. But they did not come as the Mako had come.

48/SL/119 Mereka datang . Tapi tidak seperti cara mako datang.

48/TL/B/118 It has also been explained previously that the context of situation of the

sentence is when some hungry sharks come to attack the old man’s big fish which is lashed beside his boat. The simile describes that the way the sharks come is not

similar to the way the Mako does.

commit to user

because they use an inappropriate pronoun in it. The pronoun “they” in the topic of the simile which refers to the sharks is originally kept and translated into

“mereka”. In fact, it should be translated into “hiu – hiu itu” since nouns except humans must not be changed into pronouns in Indonesian. Therefore, it is

classified as a less acceptable translation. Example 3:

He came like a pig to the trough if a pig had a mouth so wide that you could put your head in it.

50/SL/123 Dia datang seperti babi, jika babi punya mulut sedemikian besar itu

sehingga kepala orang bisa masuk di dalamnya . 50/TL/B/121

It has also been explained previously that the context of situation of the simile is when a shark comes to attack the old man’s big fish which is lashed

beside his boat. The simile is intended to describe the way the shark comes through which is similar to the way a pig does.

This example also shows that Yuni has translated this simile less acceptably. It is because plural nouns except humans cannot be translated into “mereka” and a singular noun cannot also be translated into “dia”. In other words, nouns except humans must not be translated into either “mereka” or “dia” in Indonesian. In fact, Yuni translates the word “he” which refers to the shark in the topic of the simile into “dia”. It makes her translation less acceptable. On the other hand , Dian’s translation is acceptable because she changes and translates it into “hiu itu”.

commit to user

The Comparative Table of the Scores of Readability Level Classification