20
c Altering Importance
In altering importance, one measures consonance and dissonance through necessity or which one is the most important among something liked and disliked
and advantageous. When something disliked gives more advantage in the result, one should think that the thing he hates is nothing compared to the benefit that
heshe gets in the result. When one thinks in that way, the portion of dissonance thing that he hates can be minimized to reduce the conflict inside him.
5. Marriage
a. Meaning
Marriage is a commitment between a man and a woman that comforts each other and the government has established marriage relationship through a law not
only based on religion. Skolnick 1983 argues that “marriage is a social institution, a legally status involving legal rights and obligations” p. 288. So, here, the law
itself facilitates a marriage as a legal relationship so that a man and a woman can live in one roof as a husband and a wife.
Marriage life is not only about the duty of a man as the husband and a woman as the wife but there is also a process of how the relationship between a
husband and a wife starts together, how they know each other deeper than previous, how they trust each other as the opportunity to grow together for the new life.
Ramey says “marriage relationship is not a state but a process providing endless, opportunity for growth”
as cited in Heyer, 1980, p. 1. In another word, marriage is a new opportunity for both spouses to end the dating phase and to start the family
life.
PLAGIAT MERUPAKAN TINDAKAN TIDAK TERPUJI PLAGIAT MERUPAKAN TINDAKAN TIDAK TERPUJI
21
b. Conflict in Marriage
Conflict in marriage usually begins from a condition which is not acceptable
for both spouses especially about their acts. Noller and Fitzpatrik 1993 say that
“Conflict occurs when family members do not agree about the events and situations in their lives. They may not agree about what is appropriate
behavior in a given situation, who should perform particular family task, how resources should be shared, or how decisions should be made. In other
words, conflict arises because family members perceive a difference between them” p. 99.
It means that a conflict happens when there are different decisions about family matters like who should do this work according to family role but there is no way
out because all members have different ways of thinking. Hart explains that there are some areas for the treatment of conflict in a
marriage namely how to think about conflict in marriage and conflict resolution as cited in Heyer, 1980, p. 19. There are at least five views of conflicts in marriage
life. First is that conflict in marriage cannot be avoided. It means that marriage is an intimate relationship where both spouses have different culture, perceptions, or
shaping background. So, it is impossible that there is no conflict in a marriage life. Second is that conflict in a marriage has a positive opportunity. The
opportunity here is that conflict helps both spouses to grow so that they can resolve conflict and learn how to manage conflict later. They will be accustomed to face
the crisis moment and protect each other so that relationship will not over. Third is a chance to give and receive as response. This view describes that when one gives
something good to his spouse, then the good thing will come back as the response to himher. Fourth is a different result from expectation as the key for conflict.
Usually, there is some expectation which is wanted by one to another. One wants
PLAGIAT MERUPAKAN TINDAKAN TIDAK TERPUJI PLAGIAT MERUPAKAN TINDAKAN TIDAK TERPUJI
22
someone else to behave as he demands but in the reality the expectation is different from the result. And each of spouses finds that there is a changing habit when both
spouses have lived together for many years. When a husband or a wife finds that changing, one of them will have complaint. The last is the communication skill
which is crucial. Here, the communication is important because one can share what hisher feeling is. When there is a little or no communication, something which is
important is just left or the important thing is said but no one hears. Sometimes, the age factor can be one of conflict causes. White 1983 says
that “early marriages are risky as compared with later marriage” p. 176. It is because the young couples are not ready to put duties, responsibility, and mental
defense on their shoulders. Schaap et all argue that one of the reasons why conflict in marriage happens
is a non-acceptance feeling as cited in Noller Fitzpatrik, 1993, p. 117. It is such
kind of behavior when someone expresses his own feeling, another spouse cannot accept or finds it difficult to understand. Because of this, it can lead to
misunderstanding that his spouse ignores him.
c. Conflict Resolution in Marriage
