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someone else to behave as he demands but in the reality the expectation is different from the result. And each of spouses finds that there is a changing habit when both
spouses have lived together for many years. When a husband or a wife finds that changing, one of them will have complaint. The last is the communication skill
which is crucial. Here, the communication is important because one can share what hisher feeling is. When there is a little or no communication, something which is
important is just left or the important thing is said but no one hears. Sometimes, the age factor can be one of conflict causes. White 1983 says
that “early marriages are risky as compared with later marriage” p. 176. It is because the young couples are not ready to put duties, responsibility, and mental
defense on their shoulders. Schaap et all argue that one of the reasons why conflict in marriage happens
is a non-acceptance feeling as cited in Noller Fitzpatrik, 1993, p. 117. It is such
kind of behavior when someone expresses his own feeling, another spouse cannot accept or finds it difficult to understand. Because of this, it can lead to
misunderstanding that his spouse ignores him.
c. Conflict Resolution in Marriage
There are some conflict resolutions in marriage which are proposed to resolve the conflict. Black and Mouton say that those are care for one’s own
interests and care for the relationship as cited in Noller Fitzpatrik, 1993, pp. 105-106. It means that when one spouse concerns about hisher own needs or
interest, he should also consider his relationship with hisher spouse whether hisher interest will break the relationship marriage or keep it as the effect.
Sometimes, a couple also uses intimacy to reduce the conflict Noller
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Fitzpatrick, 1993, p. 95. Intimacy includes affection, expressiveness, personal idioms, sexuality, and others. Through intimacy, a couple spends the time to show
their true feeling whether they still love each other or not. Rusbult also says that there are four kinds of conflict resolution in marriage
namely exit, voice, neglect, and loyalty as cited in Noller Fitzpatrick, 1993, p. 107. Exit contains such acts as leaving home, negletting the partner, threatening,
and getting divorce. Voice involves open discussion which seeks the causes of the conflict together. Here, both spouses will share many things which are not
satisfying for each other and how they clarify some misunderstanding. Neglect is a kind of conflict resolution by letting the relationship become worse by doing
nothing. Loyalty is another resolution where a spouse has such faith that things will get better by supporting another partner.
Green says that the best way to resolve any conflict is communicating about who he really is and what he feels as cited in Heyer, 1980, p. 67. It shows what
actually happens in both spouses life. What are needed in good communication is good listening and clarification to avoid misunderstanding. Therefore, in
communication, both spouses should be honest about their feeling. Communication also happens within himherself. Here, one reflects his personality or what he has
done. This stage is called identity development. It involves psychological processes of personal exploration and psychological differentiation Noller Fitzpatrick,
1993, p. 83. Psychological differentiation explores how different someone is among others. While personal exploration explores what kind of person he is for
someone else.
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Green also argues that there are some guidelines in resolving conflict as cited in Heyer, 1980, p. 67. First of all is the willingness to bring up the problems
that bother one. Second is willingness to listen to each other. Third is arranging some break time and place which is appropriate for the discussion. Fourth is
postponing the dialogue until both spouses are ready. Fifth is responding verbally as well as emotionally to the problems that being discussed. Sixth is stating the
position and expression why it is important for him. Seventh is checking with the spouse to make sure that one understands how he feels. Eight is giving options to
show respect and consideration for both spouses’ feelings. Ninth is resolving the conflict by choosing some considerations. Tenth is doing on communal decision.
C. Review on the Historical Background
The historical background which is related to this study is the Victorian Era. The Victorian Age was the crucial era in England because all life aspects were
totally changed at that time. The society was divided into upper class income heritage, middle class white collar workers, and poor class workinglabor class
Schluter, 2008, pp. 1-2.
There are many points pointed out in the marriage life at the Victorian Era. British couples at that time had many considerations to choose between renting and
having their own house. Schluter 2008 says that “many couples remained with their parents after marrying or moved in as lodgers with another family due to
shortage and expensiveness of housing” p. 9. It means that at that time, the financial income of both spouses could not afford to have their own home. In other
words, the finance became the first aspect of their living. Sometimes, the house
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