Veronika lacks of belongingness and love needs, the self-esteem needs and

42 Veronika’s perception of life above also influences her to think that life will end with a tragedy and it is a matter of waiting for a death. Veronika thinks that death will certainly come and end this life. Therefore, she chooses to fetch the death by committing suicide before she loses all the things that make her happy. Veronika does not want to run the monotones and boring life any longer because it will end in vain. Then, she chooses to commit suicide. Veronika views life in a different perspective from other people. Veronika builds a different concept about life that later it leads her to a decision of committing suicide. Veronika’s perspective of life which is really different from others makes her afraid of her future life. Veronika thinks that any bad things will come to her future life. Veronika thinks that her future life will be full of suffering and it makes her very convinced to commit suicide. Veronika’s fear of her future life becomes one reason of her suicide attempt. The first reason: everything in her life was the same and, once her youth was gone, it would be downhill all the way, with old age beginning to leave irreversible marks, the onset of illness, the departure of friends. She would gain nothing by continuing to live; indeed, the likelihood of sufferings would only increases. p. 10 Veronika’s reason above proves clearly that she feels afraid of facing her future life. Veronika does not want to have future life because she thinks that in her future life she will repeat the same and monotones routines. Then, Veronika thinks that death is the only solution to run from the boring life and avoid her of being older and weaker. Veronika thinks that continuing life will only waste her energy without 43 giving any meanings. Moreover, Veronika thinks that death will free her from illness, sufferings, and the departure of friends. Moreover, Veronika feels that she has experienced everything in her age of twenty four but she got no small achievement. Veronika’s view of life affects her way of thinking and then it makes her to see life from a negative perspective. Veronika thinks that in her future life she will face only sufferings, nothing else and it makes her afraid of her future life. Veronika believes that there is no use of spending time to live in the world because there are only sufferings. Veronika thinks that living in this world is the same as waiting for death, so what life is for. At twenty-four, having experienced everything she could experience −and that was no small achievement −Veronika was almost certain that everything was ended with death. That is why she had chosen suicide: freedom at least. Eternal oblivion p. 8. The citation above proves that Veronika views life negatively and it influences her thought. She thinks that there is no happiness, joy, and good things that will come to her future. However, life is painful and it will end in vain. Then, she starts to feel afraid of her future. Moreover, Veronika is afraid of her future life because she does not want to face the same and monotones routines in her future life. It can be seen from her monolog when she awakes and finds herself still alive. Veronika looks frustrated at the possibility of getting back to her routines. I’m alive, thought Veronika. Everything’s going to start all over again. I’ll have to stay in here for a while, until they realize that I’m perfectly normal. Then they let me out, and I’ll see the streets of Ljubljana again, its main square, the bridges, the people going to and from work…I’ll go back to my rented room in the convent. I’ll try to read a book, turn on the TV to see the 44 same old programs, set the alarms to wake up at exactly the same time I woke up the day before, and mechanically repeat my tasks at the library… p. 21 Veronika thinks about her next life when she realizes that she is still alive. Veronika realizes that she will do the same routines again which will be monotones like before. Veronika starts trying to imagine her next life. Veronika imagines what her life will be if she decides to continue her life. Veronika tries to describe a positive concept of her life that she will not find any difficulties when she comes back to the society she has belonged, Veronika thinks that she will be accepted once more. Furthermore, Veronika imagines that she will marry a man that she is obliged to love. As time goes by, her marriage will also lose its happiness as her parents’ marriage. However, she will still remain as a good wife and a mother who takes care of her family. She will pretend that her marriage is still good to cover all of the sufferings caused by the fake happiness she has made herself as her mother has done until now p. 21--24. Veronika bought her interior monolog to a close and made a promise to herself: She would not leave Villete alive. It was best to put an end to everything now, while she was still brave and healthy enough to die. p. 24 Veronika’s imagination of her next life after her failure attempt to commit suicide strengthens her to end her life once more. Veronika does not want to wait any longer to die. Veronika promises not to leave Villete alive. Veronika feels more convinced to end her life again when she is diagnosed that she has heart damage and only has few days to live. Veronika’s desire not to leave Villete alive shows that she is afraid of her future. She is afraid of going back to her former routines. Veronika is afraid of doing the same routines in her future life.