Veronika is afraid of her future life.

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4.2.1.2 Veronika is powerless to face her life

Veronika lived in the times when the dissolution of Yugoslavia happened. During that time there were many injustice happened to the people there. Moreover, Ten-day war in Slovenia gave the bad impact to the people there. As a Slovenian, who lived at that time, Veronika saw many injustices and wrong things happened. However, Veronika had no power to fight against those wrong things. All those negative and bad impacts influence Veronika’s paradigm about the world. Veonika views either her life or the world in a different perspective from others. For life, Veronika thinks that her future life will be full of suffering and it will end in vain. Furthermore, Veronika thinks that everything is wrong in the world and she can do nothing for the world. Veronika’s perception that she can do nothing for the world gives her a sense of complete powerlessness. Then, it leads Veronika to question about her existence that may mean nothing to the world where she finds many wrong things and injustices happen and exist. Veronika thinks that her life does not give any roles to the world and there is nothing more she can do to the world. It becomes the second reason of her decision to commit suicide The second reason was more philosophical: Veronika read newspapers, watch TV, and she was aware of what was going on in the world. Everything was wrong, and she had no way of putting things right-that gave her a sense of complete powerlessness. p. 7 The citation above shows Veronika’s feeling that she lives her life without meaning. Veronika experiences a feeling of meaningless. Veronika thinks that she lives for nothing, nothing she can do to better the world that has become a worse 46 place to live since there are many wrong things happened. Veronika sees all the bad things happen in the world but she cannot do anything to change the world. Then, Veronika thinks that there is not any reason to stay any longer in this world if she cannot change what should be changed. Veronika’s feeling of mean nothing to the world proves that Veronika feels a sense of complete powerlessness.

4.2.1.3 Veronika is afraid of her fate

Veronika was sent to the mental hospital after she failed in her attempt to commit suicide. After the failure of her suicide attempt, the doctor told her that she only has view days to live. It leads Veronika to feel afraid of death. Then, Veronika starts finding ways to get some more pills. “Your heart was irreversibly damaged, and soon it will stop beating altogether.” “What does that mean?” she asked, frightened p. 28. The citation above shows that Veronika is in the situation of waiting for her death. She is not fetching the death as she did when she swallowed the pills. At the time when Veronika swallows the sleeping pill, she knows that death will come soon. Veronika is now in a different situation, she does not know when the death will come. Veronika is diagnosed that she has heart damage and only has a few days to live. Veronika is in the situation of waiting for death that could come in any days. Veronika does not know the exact time the death will come. It means that Veronika will be haunted by death. This situation leads Veronika to the feelings of fear. 47 During the night, however, she began to feel afraid. It was one thing to die quickly after taking some pills; it was quite another to wait five days or a week for death to come, when she had already through so much p. 30. Veronika’s fear of death convinces her to end her life soon. Veronika prefers to fetch the death rather than wait for it. Veroika thinks that by fetching the death she can prepare and be ready of it. Veronika decides to end her life again. Then Veronika plans to take another overdose pills. Veronika interacts with other lunatics in order to get the pills. Veronika asks Zedka who suffers of depression to help her in getting the pills. “…You must understand how awful it is to have to wait for death; you must help me” p. 36.

4.2.2 The True Meaning of Veronika’s decision to commit suicide

4.2.2.1 Veronika cannot control the Id.

Worchel and Schebilske 1989 explain about Sigmund Freud’s Psychoanalytical theory of personality. Sigmund Freud defines three elements of personality, known as the id, the ego, and the superego that working together to form human behaviors. Freud explains that Id operates at the unconscious level of our personality. The id works unconsciously in human personality. Furthermore, Freud explains that the id of human personality is divided into two instinctual drives that serve as the basic motivation for all behavior. One is called Eros, the motivation to survive and the other one is called Thanatos, the motivation to destroy. The id, the 48 ego and the super ego are working together to form human behaviors. If the id works unconsciously, then the ego and the super ego work consciously. The ego and the super ego have the roles to control the id. The id works based on the pleasure principle, but the ego works on the reality principle. The ego will bound the needs of the id if it is not appropriate with the physical and social view. The super ego has the role to motivate us to better ourselves and to live up to our ideals. The super ego represents our conscience. Therefore, it is important to keep the balance of those three elements, the id, the ego, and the super ego to better human life para.461-171 Veronika’s decision to commit suicide and her suicide attempt prove that she cannot keep the balance of the id, the ego, and the super ego. Veronika’s suicide attempt proves that unconsciously she tries to fulfill the needs of thanatos, a destructive drive. Unconsciously, Veronika also tries to find the pleasure feeling by committing suicide. Literally, Veronika does not explain that she commits suicide to find the pleasure feeling, but it can be seen from her reason of committing suicide that she is happy to end her life. Veronika commits suicide with the reason that she does not want to do the same routines that she feels bored of it for another years. Veronika tries to avoid the reality that in her future life she will face the same routines. Veronika thinks that her future life will not give any pleasure feeling but tragedy. …She was even happier that she would not have to go on seeing those same things for another thirty, forty, or fifty years, because they would lose all their originality and be transformed into the tragedy of a life in which everything repeats itself and where one day is exactly like another p. 10. 49 Veronika’s fear of her future that she thinks it will be transformed into tragedy leads Veronika to avoid the reality. Veronika’s desire to avoid the reality proves that the ego which works based on the reality principles is dominated by the id which works based on pleasure feelings. The id which works based on the pleasure principles dominated Veronika’s personality. It leads Veronika to ignore the ego and the super ego. Veronika’s decision to commit suicide and her suicide attempt also shows how the id plays a big role to Veronika’s behavior. Veronika’s desire not to continue her life by committing suicide that she thinks it will give her pleasure feeling proves that she does not give any spaces to her ego and super ego. Veronika does not think of any worst things that will be caused by her suicide. The example of how Veronika’s ego cannot control the id can be seen from Veronika’s consideration of her parents’ feeling about her death. Veronika realizes that her death will give the bad impact to her parents but she thinks that her parents would get used of her death eventually p. 3. Veronika’s thought that her parents would get used of her death eventually proves that the id has gives a big role that affects Veronika’s behaviors. Verronika ignores all the impacts of her suicide just to fulfill her unconscious need of a pleasure feeling. Veronika’s consideration of her parents’ feeling about her death also shows that her ego tries to control the id needs, but the thanatos within herself has dominated Veronika’s personality. Veronika still keeps on her plan of destroying herself by committing suicide that she thinks it will give her a pleasure feeling.