40 dream. Veronika had to sacrifice her dream because she was afraid of hurting her
mother. Her parents would still have loved her, but, afraid of hurting them, she had not
dared to pay the piece of her dream. That dream as now buried in the depth of her memory, although sometimes it was awoken by a concert or a beautiful
record she happened to hear. Whenever that happened, though, the feeling of frustration was so intense that she immediately sent it back to sleep again p.
94. Veronika’s decision to sacrifice her dream to be a pianist proves that she
cannot develop and exploit her talents and potentialities. Her parents’ expectations and dreams had prevented Veronika to actualize herself. This situation led Veronika
to a feeling of frustration that influenced her behavior and her way of thinking about life.
4.2 The meaning of Veronika’s decision to commit suicide
This part will discuss the meanings of Veronika’s decision to commit suicide. In order to find the meaning of Veronika’s decision; the discussion will be divided
into two parts. The first part will be discussed the surface meaning of Veronika’s decision to commit suicide. The second part will focus on discussing the deeper
meaning of Veronika’s decision to commit suicide.
41
4.2.1 The Literal meaning of Veronika’s decision to commit suicide
4.2.1.1 Veronika is afraid of her future life.
Veronika is a person who always has a different perspective about life. Veronika has never positively viewed her life as the meaningful, precious, and
beautiful one. In spite of thinking life as a meaningful one, she thought that life is a boring routine that will end in a vain and powerlessness. Veronika is a person who
feels that her life is repeating the same things in its each day until it becomes a tragedy.
…She was even happier that she would not have to go on seeing those same things for another thirty, forty, or fifty years, because they would lose all their
originality and be transformed into the tragedy of a life in which everything repeats itself and where one day is exactly like another p. 10.
The quotation above shows that Veronika cannot see something different in
her life. It makes her bored and unable to see the objective of her life. According to Veronika, everything in her life is just alike. Veronika thinks that what she
experienced yesterday was the same as what she experience today and will be the same as what she will experience tomorrow. It shows that Veronika is afraid of facing
the same routines in her future life. Veronika also feels afraid of losing her happiness. She thinks that all the things that make her happy now will lose their originality and
be transformed into a tragedy; it means that she will lose her happiness. Veronika’s fear of losing her happiness makes her very convinced with her idea that there is no
use of continuing life because she will find no happiness in her future life.
42 Veronika’s perception of life above also influences her to think that life will
end with a tragedy and it is a matter of waiting for a death. Veronika thinks that death will certainly come and end this life. Therefore, she chooses to fetch the death by
committing suicide before she loses all the things that make her happy. Veronika does not want to run the monotones and boring life any longer because it will end in vain.
Then, she chooses to commit suicide. Veronika views life in a different perspective from other people. Veronika
builds a different concept about life that later it leads her to a decision of committing suicide. Veronika’s perspective of life which is really different from others makes her
afraid of her future life. Veronika thinks that any bad things will come to her future life. Veronika thinks that her future life will be full of suffering and it makes her very
convinced to commit suicide. Veronika’s fear of her future life becomes one reason of her suicide attempt.
The first reason: everything in her life was the same and, once her youth was gone, it would be downhill all the way, with old age beginning to leave
irreversible marks, the onset of illness, the departure of friends. She would gain nothing by continuing to live; indeed, the likelihood of sufferings would
only increases. p. 10 Veronika’s reason above proves clearly that she feels afraid of facing her
future life. Veronika does not want to have future life because she thinks that in her future life she will repeat the same and monotones routines. Then, Veronika thinks
that death is the only solution to run from the boring life and avoid her of being older and weaker. Veronika thinks that continuing life will only waste her energy without
