Veronika is a critical, logical, and curious person.

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4.1.6 Veronika lacks of belongingness and love needs, the self-esteem needs and

the self-actualization needs Maslow defines that to fulfill the belongingness and love needs one will try various ways. They might join with certain groups which can share them their interests, having lovers, having friends, and many others as cited in Hjelle and Ziegler, 1981, p. 372. Comparing to the definition above, it can be concluded that Veronika was lack of belongingness and love needs since she had never joined a certain group during her life. Veronika chose to live in a convent that limited her interaction with others. Veronika had some friends and boyfriends, but she never had a best friend and a true lover. Veronika had never felt the sense of belonging since she never joined a certain group. Veronika built a relationship with some boyfriends, it was based on sexual desire that gave her the feeling of emptiness. I’ll make love with them in their houses or in the woods, I’ll feel a certain degree of pleasure, but the moment I reach orgasm, the feeling of emptiness will return p. 21 The citation above shows that Veronika made love with some boyfriends was not because she loved them or she felt of being loved by those boyfriends. Veronika was lack of belongingness and love needs since she had never felt true love. Furthermore, Hjelle and Ziegler 1981 explain that according to Maslow, the self-esteem needs cover self-respect and esteem from others para.372. Based on that explanation, the writer can conclude that Veronika’s suicide attempt is an action of self disrespect. By attempting suicide, Veronika does not respect herself. Veronika’s 39 decision to commit suicide proves that she cannot regard and respect herself. Veronika’s desire to kill herself also proves that she lacks of the self-esteem needs. “That’s why I was crying,” said Veronika, “When I took the pills, I wanted to kill someone I hated…” p. 65. The citation above shows that Veronika does not respect herself that is shown by her desire to kill herself. According to Goble 1971, self-esteem is closely related to self-actualization. The self-actualization needs can be fulfilled if the self-esteem needs has already be fulfilled. On the contrary, if the self-esteem needs is not fulfilled yet, so the self- actualization needs will also not be fulfilled para. 76. According to Maslow, self-actualization needs are the psychological needs to develop and exploit all of his capabilities, potentialities, and talents to be everything he wants. Moreover, Maslow states that these needs include the opportunity and freedom to make one’s dreams and hopes come true. as cited in Hjelle and Ziegler, 1981, p. 372. Veronika was lack of self-actualization needs since she did not improve her talents and potentialities to actualize herself. In her childhood, Veronika realized that being a pianist was her biggest dream. Veroika realized that she had the talents and potentialities to be a great pianist as her teacher said in her first lesson. Veronika had known since her childhood that her true vocation was to be a pianist. This was something she had felt ever since her first lesson, at twelve. Her teacher had recognized her talent too and had encouraged her to become a professional. p. 94 The citation above shows clearly that Veronika has a dream to be a pianist. However, she could not actualize her dream to be a pianist just to fulfill others’ 40 dream. Veronika had to sacrifice her dream because she was afraid of hurting her mother. Her parents would still have loved her, but, afraid of hurting them, she had not dared to pay the piece of her dream. That dream as now buried in the depth of her memory, although sometimes it was awoken by a concert or a beautiful record she happened to hear. Whenever that happened, though, the feeling of frustration was so intense that she immediately sent it back to sleep again p. 94. Veronika’s decision to sacrifice her dream to be a pianist proves that she cannot develop and exploit her talents and potentialities. Her parents’ expectations and dreams had prevented Veronika to actualize herself. This situation led Veronika to a feeling of frustration that influenced her behavior and her way of thinking about life.

4.2 The meaning of Veronika’s decision to commit suicide

This part will discuss the meanings of Veronika’s decision to commit suicide. In order to find the meaning of Veronika’s decision; the discussion will be divided into two parts. The first part will be discussed the surface meaning of Veronika’s decision to commit suicide. The second part will focus on discussing the deeper meaning of Veronika’s decision to commit suicide.