Julie told me an incident that happened in her family that illustrates how a maternal cousin can be offended, together with a paternal aunt:
This is a story about Justin and his cousin, Léon Justin’s maternal uncle’s son. Léon had asked Justin’s mother, Zoé who is Léon’s paternal aunt, to look after a nanny goat for him. His hope
was that the goat would have kids for him. Over the next few years, the goat produced several kids for Léon. As they were doing well, he left them all in Zoé’s care.
One day Justin’s son got sick. He was advised to sacrifice a young goat. He went to ask his mother if she could provide him with a goat, but she had travelled. So he helped himself to a goat
and informed his mother afterwards. Unfortunately, he took one of Léon’s goats. When he explained the circumstances to Zoé, she reassured him that it should be fine. By rights, Léon
should give her a percentage of his nanny goat’s offspring as thanks for rearing them.
Unfortunately, Léon didn’t take the news well, saying that he could no longer trust his cousin. What was to stop him taking more goats in the future? He refused to recognise that Zoé had a
right to her share of his goats. He removed all the goats from her care. This, in turn, angered Zoé, who felt unjustly treated by her nephew.
One week later, two of the goats died. Léon’s mum told him he needed to give a goat to Zoé to redress the problem but Léon refused. The next day a third goat died. Léon then consulted a
diviner who told him he needed to give a goat to his paternal aunt, or his remaining goats would die, together with any goats he tried to keep in the future.
Léon then sent an elder to Zoé to ask for forgiveness. She accepted. He then came in person and gave Zoé a goat. This ended the matter. His goats stopped dying and his nanny goat went on
to have more kids. Interview, 28th June 2010, Cobly I now turn to Ego’s relationship with his affines, starting with his parents-in law.
6.2.5 Parents-in-law
Regardless of the type of marriage, female Ego is expected to have a high level of respect for her parents- in-law. This is demonstrated through obedience and not addressing an in-law directly, if possible.
Corinne explained that if female Ego needs to talk with one or other of her in-laws, it is better for her to approach them silently and wait for them to notice her. She should only address them directly in an
emergency.
As female Ego has left her home to be with her husband, it is highly probable that she will have a lot of contact with her parents-in-law as she may even live in the same homestead or a neighbouring
one. If she gets on well with them and is well integrated into the family, her in-laws will think of her as their daughter. If this is the case, she can call them
n̄ nīi ‘my mother’ and n̄ tɔ̄ɔ ‘my father’, something that will never happen with male Ego and his in-laws.
Unlike female Ego, there is always some distance between male Ego and his parents-in-law, both geographically and as regards their relationship. Male Ego avoids going too often to visit his in-laws, as
he needs to demonstrate that he is capable of taking good care of his family without always running to his in-laws. It is not viewed well if he visits often with problems and requests for help. If male Ego’s in-
laws have a surplus of food, they will share it with their daughter and family, but this has to be their decision.
Should male Ego visit and have a meal with his in-laws, he needs to wait a good while before going again as it is not well perceived if he is seen to be eating with them too often. It is rather the son-in-law
who should feed his parents-in-law, as he should help them when they are in need. Thus by avoiding unnecessary contact with his in-laws, male Ego is avoiding potential problems that can result from
accusations that he is not a good or responsible husband. As the anecdote below see 6.2.6 demonstrates, even if male Ego avoids his in-laws, if their daughter complains to them about her
husband, they may choose to intervene anyway.
Even with a Western-style marriage, if the parents happily allowed their daughter to marry the man of her choice, they will intervene to help her when necessary, as happened with Alain’s friend whose
husband is an alcoholic. The alcoholic husband’s state was such that he did not even notice when his wife became pregnant, nor was he present when the baby was born. Consequently, her parents helped
her with everything and paid all the expenses when the baby was born. Following the birth, the girl’s
parents took their daughter and the baby back to live with them.
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They were worried that their grandchild could be in danger, as the husband gets violent when he is drunk. The husband is not happy
about this and slanders his wife and family at every opportunity. As he has a problem with drink, however, there is no risk that his words will have any actual consequences; the ancestors do not take his
words seriously as the fault lies with him and not with his wife or in-laws. It is rather the husband who runs the risk of malediction from the potential anger of his in-laws or their ancestors. In this case,
however, his in-laws recognise that it is the drink that is talking and their concern is for the welfare of their daughter and grandchild.
As the anecdote above demonstrates, the relationship between Ego and his in-laws is also influenced by Ego’s behaviour in general and the relationship with his or her spouse.
6.2.6 Spouses
