The men of two families considering an exchange are responsible for making the arrangements. For example, Bill from Family Y wants to get married, so his family arranges for one of Bill’s sisters to be
exchanged with a girl from Family Z. If possible, this should be Bill’s full sister. If he does not have a full sister, one of his classificatory sisters can be exchanged instead—one of Bill’s father’s brother’s daughters
for example. If Bill does not have any sisters of marriageable age, the family will promise a younger sister or even a future baby. Thus, the exchange of the two girls does not necessarily happen at the same
time. The two-way exchange can be simultaneous but it is possible to have a gap of several years between the transfer of the first woman and the second woman to their respective husbands. Once the
exchange has been arranged, it is as if the full exchange has taken place. Should a suitor ask the parents of a girl promised in exchange if their daughter is free to marry, her parents would reply, “
tī u yɛtɔ” ‘we have exchanged her’, even though she is not yet united with her future husband.
Once an exchange has been finalised and the girl is of age to be united with her fiancé, her paternal aunt will take her to his homestead for the marriage ceremony
konná ū nītiyāa nnɛ ū nītipūōhɔ̰ ‘to unite a man with a woman’.
19
This ceremony is important as it allows the ancestors to accept the union, and according to Huber, it “assures a union without misfortune, as well as fertility” 1969:263, translation
mine. If for some reason the ceremony has not been performed and the marriage encounters difficulties
sickness, sterility, miscarriages or still births, for example, it is probable that the diviner ū pāāsɔ will
recommend that the couple go through the ceremony in order for the ancestors to accept their marriage. If, several years after the ceremony, there is no child to consolidate the marriage and if the sister
who was given in exchange for the apparently barren wife has now had her first child, the husband has the right to demand that his wife’s family provide him with a second wife. The family is obliged to do
this as the sister they received during the exchange has already given them a child. The first wife usually stays with her husband, as it is not considered correct to send her back.
20
If, by misfortune, the second wife does not have children either, this strongly indicates that the problem is with the husband.
Should someone seeking a wife not have a sister to exchange, then he can offer bride service in order to gain a wife.
4.1.2 Arranged marriages with bride service
An arranged marriage with bride service is called dī pōhā̰āde ‘hoe for a woman’, a compound noun
formed from the words ū pūōhɔ̰ ‘woman’ and dī hā̰āde ‘hoe’. As the name suggests, the man has to work
the fields in order to gain his bride. Generally, this type of marriage is less common than an arranged marriage where two women are exchanged, and today, it is rarely practised. The arrangement is made
between a man of marriageable age and a family who has a young daughter. The family promises the daughter to the man with the agreement that the man will work for the family in order to compensate
for their future loss. Once the arrangement has been agreed upon, the fiancé will help work the fields of his future in-laws. This work, together with the provision of gifts such as yams, maize, sorghum, millet,
as well as some domestic animals, and possibly other tasks that he performs for the family, make up his bride service, all of which lasts for at least six years. The fiancé can call on his brothers and friends to
help him with the work cf. Huber 1969:267–268.
Once the parents have promised their daughter to the man in question, she is as good as given to him. Should another suitor come and ask if the daughter is free to marry, the parents will reply, “
tī u dūonɔ” ‘we have given her’. Despite this, the couple do not have the right to engage in sexual relations
until the day the daughter is officially united with her husband. She can be officially united with her
19
See B.1 for a description of the marriage ceremony.
20
See B.2 for an example of an arranged marriage where the first exchange of two women did not work out.
husband once the girl is of marriageable age. It is possible that the husband is still obliged to work for his in-laws after the marriage. This depends on the age of the daughter when the agreement was made.
The marriage ceremony mentioned above is less important for this kind of marriage and is often omitted. If the marriage should encounter problems the couple may decide to go through with the
ceremony with the hope of redressing their misfortune and guaranteeing the ancestors’ acceptance of their union.
Beninese law says little about bride service—or bride price—except to accord it symbolic value. Anani explains the situation as follows:
article 142 of the Person and Family Code [of Benin] consecrates bride price in these terms: “bride price has a symbolic character.” By this apparently evasive provision, the Beninese legislator is
happy to regulate the problem of bride price. Indeed, this article gives neither a definition of bride price, nor the composition or beneficiaries of this traditional practice. It just emphasises its
symbolic value. 2008:29, translation mine
A third type of arranged marriage is where a girl is given to exonerate a death.
4.1.3 Marriage of acquittal
