mockery and exchanging joking names, which is the case with Ego and his uterine mothers’ husbands Ego’s mother’s sisters’ husbands, see 6.2.7. Should Ego offend or insult his paternal aunt’s husband,
however, the paternal aunt is also offended—to insult her husband is an insult to herself. I now explore Ego’s relationship with his paternal aunt, the consequences of upsetting her, and
Ego’s relationship with the other women of the family.
6.2.2 Women of the family
Paternal aunts are the only women in the family who have the right to perform sacrifices, but only for her brother’s children see 7.1 and appendix B.1 for examples. A paternal aunt can choose a name of
thanksgiving when her brother’s first son is born, and sometimes for his first daughter. As with Ego’s classificatory fathers, there are two levels of respect for Ego’s paternal aunts: more for
those who do not have the same mother as Ego’s father than for those who do. The level of respect for paternal aunts and the risk of malediction is the same as with Ego’s classificatory fathers. A curse from
Ego’s paternal aunt can lead to death. Henriette and Joseph shared that a typical curse from a paternal aunt is called
dī pētedɛ̄nɔ́tide ‘the paternal aunts wound’ or
dī pētenɔ̄nnɔ́tide ‘the paternal aunt’s eye wound’. Thus, if someone has a problem with his or her eye, such as a stye swelling of the eyelid, that person will wonder whether he
or she has offended his or her paternal aunt. If this is the case, once the offence is resolved, the sty should disappear. This type of affliction is often related to how Ego calls his paternal aunt. Out of
respect, Ego should never call, or even refer to, his aunt by one of her given names. He should always call her
n̄ pēte ‘my paternal aunt’. Even though paternal aunts live elsewhere, they have the right to ask their brothers to send their
sons over to help plough the fields, or their brothers’ daughters to help with the harvest, for example. This usually happens if the aunt in question does not have any or many children, or her children are
too young to help with these tasks. Brothers do their best to honour their sisters’ requests, and generally, nieces and nephews enjoy going to work for their paternal aunts. Their paternal aunt’s request
demonstrates her affection and that she enjoys their company. When they come to stay, she boasts about them to her friends and family. If children refuse to go, paternal aunts can get angry with them, but this
rarely happens. Jacques shared that one of his paternal aunts, would regularly ask his father if Jacques and his brothers could go and spend time with her. She was always very happy to receive them and
would prepare nice meals for them and tell them stories. Jacques’ paternal aunt’s requests for the boys to come did not necessarily involve work, but rather the pleasure gained from spending time together. A
paternal aunt often spoils her nephews and nieces with lots of food. Jacques remembers that these were the only times he’d get to drink milk as his aunt owned a large herd of cattle. He then told me what
happened when his aunt died. As previously mentioned, some of the paternal aunt’s belongings should return to her maternal family when she dies.
My paternal aunt had a herd of cattle that should have been divided amongst her son, my brothers and me when she died. Following her death, my brothers and I began to wonder why we hadn’t
received our share of her cattle yet. We asked our cousin who told us that there weren’t any cattle left after she died. We didn’t believe him, but what could we do? We knew he’d kept them all for
himself.
Then one of the cows died. My cousin consulted some diviners to find out if there was a reason for the death of his cow. The diviners explained that his mother was angry with him, as
he’d kept all the cattle for himself. The diviners told him that he needed to seek forgiveness from his mother and share the cattle with his cousins, but he refused. All the cattle dropped dead within
a week. Interview, 25th June 2010, Cobly
This anecdote illustrates how a son can offend his mother, even after her death. The level of respect shown towards one’s actual mother—also referred to as
nīi pēētɔ ‘birth mother’—is the same as that shown for the actual father and Ego runs the same risks from his mother’s maledictions as his father’s. As
with fathers, if a mother should curse her child and he dies, people would say that she has cut off her own branches. Despite this need for respect, there is usually a close bond between the birth mother and
her children. This bond is often stronger than that which exists with the actual father. Isabelle, who
shared about maternal uncles as male mothers, also told me that a mother has a stronger bond with her children than the father, and will go to greater lengths for her children. A birth mother’s love and
concern for her children never diminish with age, whilst a father’s concern can diminish, especially for his sons. She then referred to an old lady we know, whose son is an alcoholic. The mother goes to a lot
of effort to see that he eats, cooking for him regularly, whilst his father who is dead would have abandoned the son long ago.
Earlier I wrote about the potential rivalry that can exist between the first son and his actual father as the son is considered an equal with his father. Depending on the family,
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the same situation exists between the actual mother and her first daughter, who is also forbidden to wear her mother’s clothes,
enter her mother’s granary, borrow her mother’s things and generally spend time with her. Jacques shared that when a new mother’s brother presents her first daughter to her see 7.1.2, he will say:
“Here’s your oldest daughter, you mustn’t argue with her.” As with the father, the other daughters are not forbidden these things, and a mother favours her Benjamin. If a mother only has one daughter,
however, the relationship is a mix of respect and friendship as she is the eldest and youngest at the same time.
Besides Ego’s nīi pēētɔ ‘birth mother’, Ego has a number of classificatory mothers, starting with his mother’s co-wives. It is not unusual for the relationship between Ego and his mother’s co-wives to be a
little delicate. Normally, however, if a person behaves towards his mother’s co-wives as he would towards his own mother, showing them the respect due a mother, there can be a high level of affection
between them, sometimes more than between a child and its actual mother. As Ego’s classificatory mothers, the co-wives have the right to ask Ego to do jobs for them. If a wife leaves her husband,
traditionally she should also leave her children behind. The children then come under the care of one of the co-wives. Anne’s co-wife left their husband and her young son, Martin. Anne took over the
responsibility of bringing Martin up, together with her own children. She loves him dearly and does not make a distinction between him and her other children just because she did not give birth to him.
Generally, if the co-wives get along well together, their children will respect one and all. But should the co-wives not get on with one another, their children will not have mutual respect for the different
wives concerned and will usually side with their birth mother. This results in misunderstandings between children and adults alike and discord in the family.
In addition to Ego’s mother’s co-wives, Ego’s classificatory fathers’ wives are also Ego’s classificatory mothers. Ego should respect and behave towards them as he would his own mother. These two groups of
classificatory mothers—Ego’s mother’s co-wives and Ego’s classificatory fathers’ wives—all help with Ego’s upbringing and social education, especially in a village setting where everyone lives in the same
neighbourhood. Ego’s relationship with the final group of classificatory mothers—his uterine mothers—differs from
those mentioned above as Ego has less contact with them. Ego’s uterine mothers are his birth mother’s sisters both full and classificatory. As with Ego’s classificatory fathers, should Ego offend a uterine
mother, she can complain that Ego does not respect her as he would his own mother. In one sense, though, the relationship with Ego’s uterine mothers is similar to that with his maternal uncles, as Ego
can demand things from his uterine mothers who will help him if they have the means. They take pleasure in giving gifts to their uterine children when they are able, especially girls. I mentioned above
that a maternal uncle is expected to help his nieces and nephews, even if he does not like their mother his sister. In the same way, a uterine mother should not let her dislike of a particular sister affect her
relationship with her uterine children. Anne told me about Grace, one of her classificatory mothers who lives in Nigeria. When Anne was a
child, she was always excited when Grace came to visit, as she would bring her and her sisters’ gifts.
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In Isabelle’s extended family the first daughter is not considered equal with her mother and can freely enter her mother’s granary. Most people I spoke with, however, affirmed that the mother and first daughter are considered
equal.
Grace would also buy a pig for the family so that they could feast together. It has been some ten years since Anne last saw Grace. Anne is not sure if she would recognise her should she encounter her today.
This is a common occurrence between Ego and his uterine mothers. They can go for years without seeing one another. Having told me about his paternal aunt, Jacques went on to recount how he upset one of
his uterine mothers:
It was a market day in Cobly and I’d gone into town. I dropped by Madeleine’s workshop [Madeleine’s a seamstress and friend] to greet her. As it was market day there were quite a few
folk in there so I said a general hello; I didn’t pay attention to who else was in there. I’d noticed that there was a lady in there, but I didn’t know who she was. It turned out it was Lucie, my
classificatory mother, who’s the younger sister of my mother. I didn’t recognise her as I rarely see her. I couldn’t remember the last time I saw her.
Later, Lucie found me in the market and got very angry with me because I hadn’t greeted her properly, nor had I asked after my classificatory brothers. Lucie told me that she felt like I’d
treated her as an animal. I asked her forgiveness, and explained that I genuinely hadn’t recognised her. Lucie didnt accept my apologies initially but eventually she forgave me after I begged
forgiveness. She realised that I really hadnt recognised her. Interview, 25th June, 2010, Cobly
Ego’s uterine mothers play an important role during his death celebrations see 7.2.2 as one will be chosen as Ego’s
ū húnīi ‘death mother’, and will be in charge of the celebration arrangements. Uterine mothers can attend their uterine sons’ millet threshing parties, and help out by sweeping
the threshing floor. Having swept the floor, she can say, “ n̄ fɛ́ɛ́tɔ n̄ bīikɛ yīɛ̄dū” ‘I have swept my child’s
terrace’ and her uterine son should give her a portion of his harvest. Today this custom is slowly disappearing.
All the relationships described so far concern Ego’s uncles, fathers, aunts and mothers. I now move up a generation to look at Ego’s relationship with his grandparents.
6.2.3 Grandparents
