Arranged marriages by exchanging sisters
themselves as brothers cf. Huber 1969:262; Huber 1973:434–435. By respecting the rule of exogamy, the danger of marrying someone who shares the same ancestor is diminished.
Today, the rule of exogamy is no longer strictly followed and it is not unusual to find examples of endogamous marriages. Paul gave the example of his own parents, who are from the same community,
but from two different lineages. Technically, his parents are classificatory siblings, his father being an older classificatory brother, and they can call each other
n̄ tāa ‘my sibling, opposite sex’. The relationship, however, is distant enough that it does not count as incest and the danger of their sharing
the same ancestor is low. If his parents had been from the same lineage, then their union would have been forbidden. As an older brother, Paul’s father is also in a different
ī sāntūō ‘age set’
18
from Paul’s mother. Paul went on to explain that his parents were the second endogamous marriage within his
community. Paul shared that the first man from his community who set this precedence had claimed that marrying someone from one’s own community is less complicated and that the women are more
obedient as they share the same history and traditions. Paul is not so sure about this and thinks that family relationships are actually more complicated when one’s maternal and paternal relations are from
the same community. Paul went on to say that he is aware of other endogamous marriages amongst some of the other larger communities.
At this point, I need to explain that, following the Bebelibe kinship system, siblings can be divided into two groups: those I refer to as full siblings and those I refer to as classificatory siblings. Full siblings
are those that have the same father. This includes children that a father has had posthumously see 5.1. Classificatory siblings are parallel cousins: children of a paternal uncle classificatory father or a
maternal aunt classificatory mother, whom I refer to as a uterine mother. This includes successive generations of cousins first, second, third, and so on. I explore these relationships in more detail below
see 6.1 and C.2.3.1.
Despite the examples of endogamous marriage, my interviewees maintain that exogamy rules are important and should be respected, though they themselves differed in their opinion about how.
Christine, for example, shared that it is more common for families to favour a particular ethnic group when looking for wives. When a suitable wife has come from a particular ethnic group, the husband and
other men of the family will return to that group when looking for other wives. Paul thinks it is better to look for wives from several ethnic groups or communities and that one should not always return to the
same source. According to him, having two wives from the same ethnic group or community is the worst-case scenario, as the second wife will not have many children. As neighbouring ethnic groups are
also exogamous and virilocal, there is a large movement of women around the region. Women who marry outside of their ethnic group usually learn their husband’s language, but this does not prevent
them from also teaching their children their own language. This is even encouraged and expected given the importance of the maternal family. As previously mentioned, children are members of their father’s
lineage and this is what determines their primary community identity.
There are now laws against forced marriages. Arranged marriages, which I describe next, fall under the category of forced marriages if both parties concerned have not given their free and clear consent to
the arrangement MFASSNHPTA 2012:9. None of the Bebelibe marriages I describe below are legally recognised by the Beninese state unless the marriage in question is formalised through a civil wedding.