Huber 1969:262. If the wife is unable to have children, however, the husband is not obliged to give a sister.
Mathilde married her husband in this way. After their elopement, her family accepted their union and her husband promised a girl in exchange for her. Mathilde’s husband died before he was able to
fulfil his debt. The family had the right to demand Mathilde’s daughter in payment, but as her husband died young, the family renounced the debt.
If the family does not agree with the union of the eloped couple, they will snatch the daughter back, using force if necessary.
Another form of this type of marriage is called ū pōcɔ̄ɔ̄tītēdīmū ‘taking a woman and running’ and is
formed from the words ū pūōhɔ̰ ‘woman’, m̄ cɔ̄ɔ̄tīmɛ ‘the act of taking’ and m̄ tēdīmū ‘the act of running’.
This form of elopement happens when the couple already know that the woman’s family will not agree to their union. Typically, they flee the area on market day when the woman’s absence will not be
discovered until the evening. Often, the couple seeks refuge with the man’s maternal family or they hide in a remote location. The man informs his paternal family that he has taken a wife, and as above, the
family then chooses a family elder who will negotiate on the man’s behalf with the woman’s family. The couple stay hidden until the union has been formalised with the woman’s family as the woman’s family
will probably try and find her to take her back again. It is possible that the couple will have to wait several years, or until the arrival of their first child, before the woman’s family finally capitulates and
agrees to the union. Once the family accepts their daughter’s marriage, it is understood that the husband will give a sister in exchange for her.
23
For both types of elopement, the marriage ceremony only takes place if the couple encounter problems in their marriage, assuming that the elopement has been formalised with the families
concerned. As patterns in marriage change, I suspect that the need to elope will decrease as the laws against marriage exchange are enforced.
4.2 Western-style marriages
There are three types of alliances that can be classed as Western-style marriages: simple or common- law marriages, civil weddings and Christian marriage. Whilst Bebelibe forms of marriage start to
decrease, especially in the town of Cobly, Western-style marriages are on the increase. There are several reasons for this phenomenon: the establishment of churches in the area, formal education
24
with the result that many people now resist arranged marriages,
25
and the fact that Beninese law does not recognise Bebelibe forms of marriage. Antoine thinks that the demise of Bebelibe marriage has
contributed to the disintegration of society in general as he feels there is no longer any respect for the authority of the family.
4.2.1 Simple marriages
Antoine went on to share that the type of alliance that is the most popular is what he calls “simple marriage”. This, he believes, is nothing more than women joining their partners as concubines. There is
no vernacular name for this type of relationship. Antoine, who was thirty and not married at the time of the interview, laments about the good old days. For him, “simple marriage” is a clear sign of society’s
disintegration:
23
See anecdote about Susanne and Jean 6.2.1 for an example of an elopement that was not accepted.
24
See Hannerz 1987:552–554, who writes about the impact of education, amongst other phenomenon, on the creolisation of a society.
25
See also Lanz 2013:14–16 who has written about the Berba, northern neighbours of the Bebelibe.
A man takes a woman and that’s it. He doesn’t give anything for her. There’s no arrangement. In the old days, he was always required to give a sister, gifts or his labour.
Today, the young don’t like marriage. Women want more freedom and choice. A man’s riches are more important than his character and behaviour. Prostitution is increasing and girls search
for rich men. The men take them, pay them, and then send them on their way. The girls become prostitutes
zemijans
26
. The moment their breasts begin to develop, girls start looking for rich men. Consequently, there are many abortions. The men also, they chase the women and take
them. After a while, they desert them to take other women. Even if a couple should get married, there’s a lot more divorce
m̄ yēn̄tīmɛ. The women are abandoned together with their children. The ex-husband makes no provision for them and there’s
nobody to take care of them, and so the abandoned women turn to prostitution to survive. Before the arrival of the whites, traditional marriage worked fine. Interview in October 2004,
Cobly Fortunately, the situation does not seem quite as bleak as Antoine would have it. Christian
marriages tī wēnpōpōōte ‘God’s marriage’ and civil weddings tī pīenpōpōōte ‘white man’s marriage’ are
increasing and becoming more popular. Together with Christian marriage, the idea of formal engagements
tī pōcīn̄cīnte
27
has been introduced.
4.2.2 Civil wedding
