Grace would also buy a pig for the family so that they could feast together. It has been some ten years since Anne last saw Grace. Anne is not sure if she would recognise her should she encounter her today.
This is a common occurrence between Ego and his uterine mothers. They can go for years without seeing one another. Having told me about his paternal aunt, Jacques went on to recount how he upset one of
his uterine mothers:
It was a market day in Cobly and I’d gone into town. I dropped by Madeleine’s workshop [Madeleine’s a seamstress and friend] to greet her. As it was market day there were quite a few
folk in there so I said a general hello; I didn’t pay attention to who else was in there. I’d noticed that there was a lady in there, but I didn’t know who she was. It turned out it was Lucie, my
classificatory mother, who’s the younger sister of my mother. I didn’t recognise her as I rarely see her. I couldn’t remember the last time I saw her.
Later, Lucie found me in the market and got very angry with me because I hadn’t greeted her properly, nor had I asked after my classificatory brothers. Lucie told me that she felt like I’d
treated her as an animal. I asked her forgiveness, and explained that I genuinely hadn’t recognised her. Lucie didnt accept my apologies initially but eventually she forgave me after I begged
forgiveness. She realised that I really hadnt recognised her. Interview, 25th June, 2010, Cobly
Ego’s uterine mothers play an important role during his death celebrations see 7.2.2 as one will be chosen as Ego’s
ū húnīi ‘death mother’, and will be in charge of the celebration arrangements. Uterine mothers can attend their uterine sons’ millet threshing parties, and help out by sweeping
the threshing floor. Having swept the floor, she can say, “ n̄ fɛ́ɛ́tɔ n̄ bīikɛ yīɛ̄dū” ‘I have swept my child’s
terrace’ and her uterine son should give her a portion of his harvest. Today this custom is slowly disappearing.
All the relationships described so far concern Ego’s uncles, fathers, aunts and mothers. I now move up a generation to look at Ego’s relationship with his grandparents.
6.2.3 Grandparents
As Ego usually lives in the same place as his paternal grandparents, it is not surprising that he sees them more than his maternal grandparents. Despite this, the manner of relationship is similar between Ego
and his two sets of grandparents. Although Ego needs to respect his grandparents, the respect expected is different to that already mentioned for Ego’s fathers, maternal uncles, mothers and paternal aunts. There
is often more familiarity between Ego and his grandparents than with his parents; they may even protect Ego from his parents. Margot told me about how her grandfather intervened when her family wanted to
exchange her. Margot’s father died when she was still a child. Her family had lived in the south but returned to their village after her father died. Margot’s grandfather looked out for her as her father was
dead. He wanted her to finish school and find her own husband, but he had been happy to exchange his own children and had not worried in the same way about their formal education. Margot should have
been exchanged to honour a family debt, but Margot’s grandfather argued that if her father were alive, she would not have been chosen for the debt, as she would have been living in the south, therefore she
should be left to choose her own husband.
There is not a difference between Ego’s relationship with his actual grandparents and his classificatory ones. Having lots of descendents, even if they are classificatory, shows that you have
succeeded in life and means you have lots of people to help take care of you. All grandparents are proud of their grandchildren—both full and classificatory.
Grandparents enjoy having their grandchildren around them and spending time with them. It is in their interest to develop a good relationship, as their grandchildren will help take care of them as they
get older. They help look after the younger grandchildren whilst the children’s parents are at work or out farming. They enjoy playing with their grandchildren and telling them stories. Depending on the
community, these will include stories about the community and family history. Some communities are more secretive than others and older members of the community—which includes the grandparents—do
not approve if youngsters are told too much too quickly.
It is still important for grandchildren to obey their grandparents, who have the right to discipline them though the punishment is usually less severe and there is little risk from maledictions. One way a
grandchild shows respect is by giving gifts to his grandparents. It is important that the grandchildren regularly visit their maternal grandparents, taking them gifts too. Even if familiarity prevails, Ego is still
expected to behave properly in their presence. Nathan told about how he upset one of his grandfathers whom he hadn’t visited for a long time. In the end the grandfather sent Nathan a message telling him to
come and visit. Nathan then took his grandfather a baseball cap and soap. The visit went well though the grandfather reprimanded him for only coming after he’d been asked. If Nathan had refused to go, his
grandfather’s anger could have resulted in Nathan falling sick. As it was, Nathan asked for forgiveness, and that was the end of it. Curses from a grandfather are not too serious. Usually a plea for forgiveness
and a gift does the trick. Nathan then shared a second story about his maternal grandfather:
My wife and I took our son, Oscar [who was a toddler at the time], to visit Tristan, my maternal grandfather. He was very happy Even when Oscar found a knife and went and cut down his
tobacco, Tristan didn’t get angry. My wife went to reprimand Oscar and Tristan said, ‘Don’t worry; leave him alone. He’s my son’ Tristan is looking forward to the arrival of the second baby
[Nathan’s wife was pregnant at the time] and hopes it will be another boy. Interview, 25th June 2010, Cobly
A key difference that affects Ego’s behaviour towards his grandparents, compared to that required for his parents, is that they are from an alternate generation. Thus there is not the same antagonism as
with Ego’s parents, and Ego’s relationship with his grandparents is more relaxed. It helps that the grandparents are not directly responsible for their grandchildren’s upbringing.
Ego can ask his maternal grandparents for things that he wants, such as a cockerel, and it is not unusual for maternal grandparents to indulge Ego and spoil him, as there is a deep friendship between
maternal grandparents and their uterine grandchildren. They are often more affectionate towards their daughters’ children than those of their sons.
I now turn to examine relationships between Ego and family members of the same generation. This includes Ego’s siblings and cousins.
6.2.4 S
