Making her parents happy

32 Hazel’s style of life is explained in the novel, where she did not have anything about her health condition and nothing she can do about it. Her life completely depends on medicine and medical treatments. This condition places almost all of her time at home, doing the same routine all day to keep her health stable. It can be said that her health forces her to do things that she did not like to do, such doctor visits and attends the support group. But my mom believed I required treatment, so she took me to see my Regular Doctor Jim, who agreed that I was veritably swimming in a paralyzing and totally clinical depression and that, therefore, my meds should be adjusted and also I should attend a weekly Support Group. Green, 2012:1 Almost all of her activity involves her parents, which made a strong bond between them. The same routines she doing every day has become her style of life, as it embraces her unique pattern of traits, behaviors, and habits which define the taste of her existence. Ryckman 1985: 98 states that the style of life, originally called “life plan” or “guiding image” refers to the unique ways in which people pursue their goal. I just kind of crawled across the couch into her lap and my dad came over and held my legs really tight and I wrapped my arms all the way around my moms middle and they held on to me for hours while the tide rolled in. Green, 2012:21 The quotation abov e describes Hazel’s feeling toward her parents. She is thankful for having her parents. Their caring and love are what she needs most after 33 Augustus dead. She believes that their love is the best for her, and she thinks that she must make her parents happy whether it makes her happy too or not. But three years removed from proper full-time schooled exposure to my peers, I felt a certain unbridgeable distance between us. I think my school friends wanted to help me through my cancer, but they eventually found out that they couldnt . For one thing, there was no through. Green, 2012:3 The quotation above shows her feeling toward her condition, no friends at all. She imagined that her school-mate will show up for encouraging her to be stronger and better in her cancer fight, but it did not happen. She did not get the support that she need in her difficult times and it’s hard for her. Although she is a college girl who taking a class at MCC, she never mentioned about her friends from there which reflects her loneliness or she did not have friends at all. This behavior was affected by her society, where she did not have any friends to support her through her struggle. In this point, she adjusted her stance about friendship. She thought she has friends but she did not, so she did not try to make one anew. Her mother was concerned about it, so she reminds Hazel to make some friends whenever she goes out, as Hall and Lindzey 1970: 125 acknowledge that a man should live among others where he interacts with others in his society that make his behavior is always influenced by his society. Mom: “Hazel, you’re a teenager. You’re not a little kid anymore. You need to make friends, get out of the house, and live your life. ” 34 Green, 2012:1 The quotation above shows the lack of Hazel social interest, where her mom needs to remind her to make friends. Hazel did not have many friends and her mother recognizes her behavior so she needs to remind Hazel to make friends. “I love you,” she said as I got out. “You too, Mom. See you at six.” “Make friends ” she said through the rolled-down window as I walked away. Green, 2012:1 This lack of social interest is correlated with her physical limitations, as she did not have much energy to leave her house and did not have much time as she needs to regularly visit the hospital. Hazel realizes her lack of social interest, and she tries to do something to reduce it. When she thought: “And yet, just this once, I decided to speak. I half raised my hand and Patrick, his delight evident, immediately said, “Hazel” I was, I’m sure he assumed, opening up. Becoming Part of the Group .” Green, 2012:1 The people are amazed at her turn, as it is unusual and quite shocking for everyone in her cancer support group. She was a passive member of the group, and that day she becomes an active member by raising her hand to speak. Her decision to becoming part of the group is caused by her disagreement of Augustus opinions about oblivion. Hazel realizes her existence in her society is too thin, and she needs to develop herself to be more adjusted to her situation. This situation is not what she wants, but her parents do. 35 I went to Support Group for the same reason that Id once allowed nurses with a mere eighteen months of graduate education to poison me with exotically named chemicals: I wanted to make my parents happy . Green, 2012:1 Hazel may be irritable about her medication; as she did not want to go to Support Group and taking medicine. However, her compassionate love to her parents makes she does it to make them happy, even if she hates it. Hazel’s compassionate love to her parents is based on her social interest, which unconsciously shaped by them, According to Adler via Feist, 1985:71, social interest can be defined as an attitude, which likely appears as empathy. The empathy feeling reflects a person personality, where the empathy takes as an important part in controlling how a person behaves. Hazel’s empathy to her parents drives her to be a better person, who wants them to be happy above her feelings.

3. Minimizing casualties of her death

As Hazel lives with her cancer, she develops her self-concept which derives all things she believes. Self- concept is a collection of beliefs, a compilation of one’s abilities and performances. The self-concept idea is the identity which unconsciously shaped by a man individual experiences and their perception of it Bong, 1999:34. Hazel sees herself as a lonely girl who suffers because of her cancer. She is hopeless with her illness, which leads her to be pessimistic in facing her problems. In another 36 hand, she wants to be stronger, as she already met Augustus and want to be with him as long that she can. I tried to tell myself that it could be worse, that the world was not a wish- granting factory that I was living with cancer not dying of it, that I mustnt let it kill me before it kills me. Green, 2012:8 This quotation indicates her own prognosis of her health condition, in which where she cannot decide whether she must fight her illness or she just give up and let cancer kills her. Hazel sees herself as an outsider, who slightly alienated from the world. She has a mixed up feeling towards herself. In the first, she doesn’t want to be close with anyone because she will leave a scar, a mark that hurts everyone as she compares herself as a grenade which can explode anytime and wound everyone nearby. I wanted to know that he would be okay if I died. I wanted to not be a grenade, to not be a malevolent force in the lives of people I loved. Green, 2012:11 In this line, Hazel explains how she worried about Augustus when she dies. She’s afraid that Augustus will be shattered if she dies beside him. This situation also occurred with her parents. Hazel loves her parents, whatever she agrees with them or not. Sh e knows that she needs them, but she doesn’t want to hurt them. “I’m like. Like. I’m like a grenade, Mom. I’m a grenade and at some point, I’m going to blow up and I would like to minimize the casualties, okay? I’m a grenade”, I said again. “I just want to stay away from people and read 37 books and think and be with you guys because there’s nothing I can do about hurting you; you’re too invested, so just please let me do that, okay? I’m not depressed. I don’t need to get out more. And I can’t be a regular teenager because I’m a grenade.” Green, 2012:6 This quotation appeared when Hazel was dying in the ICU. She underlines the use of ‘minimizing the casualties’ to show her emotion that she loves them, and did not want to hurt them. She knows that her condition is in bad shapes, so she came up with the idea that she don’t want to hurt anyone if she dies. She wants to alienate herself from her parents to minimize the victims when she dies.

4. To be closer with Augustus Waters

Living her life as a teenager makes Hazel unconsciously thinking about a relationship with another person. In the novel, Hazel has a mixed up feeling toward others. In her efforts to develop herself, she found the existence and the importance of her society. As stated by Hall and Lindzey 1970: 125, since a man was born, he automatically becomes a member of society. If his social feeling can develop naturally; he will be able to make an adaptation with his living environments appropriately. Hazel is cautious when she meet a stranger and keep still until she feels comfort with them. At first meet with Augustus, the boy she met in the Support Group she did not show any interest to him. In the meeting, she found that Augustus is staring at her, which makes her blushed away and somehow she is attracted to him. After her 38 first meeting, she showed her curiosity as she agrees with Augustus invitation to watch a movie together in his home. “So, see you next time, maybe?” I asked. “You should see it,” he said. “V for Vendetta, I mean.” “Okay,” I said. “I’ll look it up.” “No. With me. At my house,” he said. “Now.” I stopped walking. “I hardly know you, Augustus Waters. You could be an ax murderer.” Green, 2012:1 Hazel shows her suspicious features as she assumes that maybe Augustus is an ax murderer. She accepted Augustus invitation to justify her curiosity about him. It is obvious that Hazel was attracted to him. She wants to know more about him but she did not want to show her curiosity. When she becomes closer to him, she realizes that Augustus is the person she suited with. In chapter 2, she said “I nodded. I liked Augustus Waters. I really, really, really liked him. I liked the way his story ended with someone else. I liked his voice. I liked that he took existentially fraught free throws. I liked that he was a tenured professor in the Department of Slightly Crooked Smiles with a dual appointment in the Department of Having a Voice That Made My Skin Feel More like Skin. And I liked that he had two names . I’ve always liked people with two names because you get to make up your mind what you call them: Gus or Augustus? Me, I was always just Hazel, univalent Hazel.” Green, 2012:2 Hazel opinions about Augustus are hyped; she describes that her feelings about him are so remarkable. It is obvious that is the first time she met a person who knows her well enough and did not feel pity for her condition. She describes Augustus as the best guy she ever met, and she compares her position with him are very different.