Conflicts in Family Family
19 Since family members have a frequent and intense close contact, which can
lead them to annoyance and irritability, conflict cannot be separated from family life. Conflict usually occurs when family members disagree about the events and
situations in their family lives. According to Fitzpatrick and Noller in Communication in Family Relationship, there are three main aspects of conflicts in a
family. They are kinds of conflict, causes of conflict, and family conflict resolution Fitzpatrick and Noller 99.
1 Kinds of Conflict in Family
Generally, conflicts in families can be divided into content issues and relationship issues. In Communication in Family Relationship as cited by Fitzpatrick
and Noller, it is described that less satisfied couples have more conflicts than the more satisfied couples do. In content issues, the conflicts commonly occur in the
areas of finance, family members, concerns about health and fitness, feelings about relationship, religious beliefs, plan for the future, feelings about personal
appearances, competences, and things that lead to anger or depression. Though the areas of conflict between parents and adolescents are about day-
to-day living in the family, the conflicts tend to be about minor matters like dress and social life. Other topics include personal hygiene, disobedience, schoolwork, social
activities, friendships, chores, and fights with siblings. Adolescents argue about different topics with mothers and fathers. Argument with mothers tends to be about
clothes, friendships and manners. Conflicts with fathers are about money, use of leisure time and attitudes toward school.
20 While the nature of the relationship issues is about the relationship itself. It
can be in the form of principle about the right in making up decisions for the family, the feeling of being loved more or less than the other members, and the sharing time
with other family members. In a brief description, the issues are likely in the field of love, trust, autonomy, and openness Fitzpatrick and Noller 102.
2 Causes of Conflict in Family
The causes of conflict in family life may be varied. Money, love, friendship, and choices are only some examples of issues which may lead family members into
conflicts. Generally, conflicts exist because family members perceive a difference between them. This difference becomes problems and gives impact to some members
of the family Fitzpatrick and Noller 99.
3 Family Conflict Resolution
Blake and Mouton, Pruitt and Rubin, and Rusbult are some experts who have proposed their models of conflicts resolution. In this section, the model of conflicts
resolution proposed by Blake and Mouton will be discussed further since they are more applicable in making crisis decisions related to faithfulness and loyalty to the
family in every condition. Blake and Mouton propose four responses to conflicts in the family. They
are avoidance, competition, soothing and solving. Avoidance is seen as a lack of concern for either the self or the relationship and involves physically or emotionally
retreating from the situation or being unwilling to talk about the situation. Competition is seen as putting one’s own concerns above those relationships and is
characterized by minimal concern for others’ feelings. Soothing is seen as putting PLAGIAT MERUPAKAN TINDAKAN TIDAK TERPUJI
21 concern for relationships above one’s own concerns and perhaps denying or ignoring
those concerns in the interests of preventing open conflict and covering up differences. Solving is seen as balancing concerns for relationships with concern
about one’s own interests. Schaap states that problem solving involves “the open and direct expression of feelings, exploring the causes of the conflict, clarifying
misunderstandings and looking for a solution that is satisfying to both partners” qtd. in Fitzpatrick and Noller 106.