29 His conscience makes everything worse when Ed is in a hard situation
where Angie, his girlfriend, left him and he does not have any money because he is out of a job. He becomes very pessimistic so that he loses his appetite to eat. He
tries to force himself to finish his writing but it makes his situation worse. ‘Couldn’t be arsed, hmm?’ Geoff said.
‘No, it’s not that. It’s just… you know.’ But it was that. I couldn’t be arsed to do anything. My opus had ground to a halt and so had
my life. All my Causes had produced nothing, and each list of daily determinations made me more dejected - because deep down I
didn’t believe I’d be able to make any of it happen. My reality was no job, no girlfriend, no money. And no prospects, either.
‘Sleeping a lot, are you?’ asked Geoff. I nodded.
‘Finding it hard to get up?’ I nodded again.
‘No appetite?’ I shook my head sadly. ‘For anything.’ I sighed. 95
He feels that he cannot continue his life since he cannot make the situation better. Instead of trying to change his life, he loses his spirit.
e. Self-absorbed
Ed is a self-absorbed person and he realizes it. He never cares about other people around him. It is seen through his thought and mannerism. Even though he
has a brother, he never speaks to him. One of the reasons that his girlfriend left him is because he did not give enough attention to her. He always thinks about
himself and cares about his happiness only. An awful truth had hit me. All I cared about was Angie and myself.
My parents were both dead. I had a brother I never spoke to - we drifted apart years ago. I had a few friends but we weren’t really
30 close. It was just Angie and me; or rather, it had been. And how
much did I really care about her anyway? How much did I want her just because she made me feel good? Did I really care about her
happiness? When we’d been together I just assumed she was happy with me because I was happy with her. Until she’d got all needy
and started to complain about me not doing anything for her or paying her any attention or blah blah blah. I’d batted it away as just
more female nagging - then she left. So did that mean that truly, deep down, all I really care about was myself? The more I thought
about it the more convinced I became: I was totally selfish, shallow, worthless…piece of shite 36-37.
Ed does not care about Geoff either. He rarely asks about Geoff’s life. In every meeting, they discuss only the problems that Ed is facing. He knows a little
about Geoff because Geoff tells him. Ed never knows what Geoff is doing to make a living and when he knows that Geoff is a window-cleaner, he feels that
Geoff lies to him. He is disappointed with Geoff because he thinks that Geoff never tells him the truth. Geoff, who cannot accept what Ed thinks about him, tells
Ed that it is because he always focuses on himself, tries to gain more knowledge and solves his problems. Since he is so self-absorbed, he does not even know
Geoff’s complete name. He realizes it when his friend, Liz, asks him who Geoff is. He cannot answer it because he never asks Geoff.
This was starting to sound familiar. “Is this the Three Truths?” I asked.
Liz looked surprised. “It’s based on it, yes.” “Geoff told me about it.”
“Geoff who?” My stomach suddenly lurched. I realized that I didn’t even know
his second name. How self-absorbed is that? “Geoff the window- cleaner,” I said. 184-185
