Geoff’s Influence on Ed’s Wisdom and Courage

44 That’s one reason I decided to junk The Bestseller and write this instead - to say thank you. Buddhism’s got a nice term for it: repaying debts of gratitude. I’m still reading scripts for Liz and Frank, and supplementing that as a freelance proof-reader – not glamorous but it pays the bills. The writing’s been a struggle, but Dora’s been there to crack the whip whenever I’ve flagged, and, as you can see, I’ve nearly finished. I just hope someone might read it and find it interesting; maybe helpful, even. But even if no one does, I’ve tried my best, I feel, to repay my debt to Geoff, because meeting him was the most significant thing that has ever happened to me. 278 After Geoff’s death and Ed starts practicing Buddhism, he can map his mind. He begins to live simply and continues working as a script proof-reader. He also restarts writing a novel and this time he does not write because he wants to be a bestselling author. He writes to say thank you to Geoff. He realizes that Geoff plays a big role in his life so that he can change his life for the better life. Since Ed is a pessimistic person, he is always trapped in his bad mood. He thinks that his life is vague and meaningless. Moreover, he believes that he cannot finish his writing and always fails in working, but after he does chanting, he becomes an optimistic person. … And I have to say that gradually my outlook on life is changing. My black moods, for example. They used to be a regular feature: once a month, at least, life was pointless, hopeless, bleak. I had one the other day and it came as a real shock because I realized I hadn’t felt like this for weeks. And the incredible thing was that, after some extra chanting, within twenty-four hours it was gone. 278 Ed can organize his mood by doing chanting. He can turn over his bad mood into good mood and he looks at his life as a good life. It also affects his conscience, which is always his constant companion during his bad times. His 45 conscience that he calls it ‘My Evil Friend’ does not support him. It always tells Ed that he is a failure, but after doing chanting, it is changed. But even shit has a function, I’ve realized – which brings me to My Evil Friend. A fascinating development here… He is a friend, after all. And increasingly, instead of just relaying what he’s been muttering to me, I’ve taken to chanting about his pessimism, and his Cassandra-like prophecies of doom and gloom, and his cynical sniping about life in general. And what I’ve realized is that quite often floating around in his sea of negativity are pearls and genuine wisdom and insight. The challenge is to fish them out before they’re totally swamped by the waves of rubbish he generates. It all comes down to how you look at it. And that comes down to life state. 280 Ed finds that his conscience is not evil because there is wisdom in what he said. He needs to pay attention to his conscience and take it positively because it will lead him to good life state. The development also happens in Ed’s courage. At first, he does not dare to do something new because he is so afraid of what people will think of him and because he lacks confidence. For example, Ed is too scared to meet Liz, a successful TV producer. He is afraid of what Liz thinks of him because he is jobless and fails to be a writer. For him, being with successful people makes him feel inadequate moreover people who have jobs that he wants. He needs to summon up his courage and it is very hard for him. The other realisation’s more personal, because I’ve come to see that there’s a big, heavy manhole cover over my life, too. There’s been a stink coming from it for years, but I’ve been too squeamish to lift the lid and investigate, let alone plunge my arm and clear it out. Too scared, basically…. It keeps coming back to the same pair, for me at least – fear and courage. But I know now that if I don’t challenge this part of me, if I just let the cover drop back into place with clang, the stink’s not going away. It’s going to get worse. 279 46 After doing chanting, Ed realizes that he is too scared of himself and he needs to challenge himself if he does not want to get things worse. At the end of the novel, Ed says, “Because I’ve learned one thing from Geoff, it’s that when you start to change your mind, you start to change everything” 282. Ed knows that the root of all the changes he makes is the way how he looks at his life. As Geoff tells him that it is not problems that make him suffer but it is he himself that makes him suffer from problems. It all depends on him, if he can change his mind, he can change his life.

3. Geoff’s Influence on Ed’s Self-Concept of Sex

Each person has different self-concept. The self-concept that each person has is usually strongly embedded in his personality and it is rather difficult to change someone’s self concept. Hurlock 120 says that changes in self-concept will bring about a change in the entire personality pattern and this change is increasingly difficult as people grow older, but she also says that the core of the pattern and the self-concept can change if the person perceives shifts in the attitude and treatment of significant people in his life. Ed’s self-concept is influenced indirectly by Geoff as the significant person in his life. In this analysis, Geoff has influenced Ed’s self-concept of sex. As a man, Ed always thinks that sex is not a special thing. It happens when a man and a woman are interested in each other and they agree to do it. A couple does not need to have a serious relationship to have sex. Ed is once interested in 47 his boss, Cathy, who is beautiful and has kissable lips. He thinks to have a date with Cathy and end it by having sex. On one occasion, Geoff teaches Ed the Ten Worlds. He teaches that someone can live in the ten different worlds in every time. The Ten Worlds are the world of Hell, Hunger, Animality, Anger, Heaven, Humanity, Learning, Realisation, Boddhisattva, and Buddhahood. Hell is the world of suffering, Hunger is the world where someone is driven by his desires but never satisfied, Animality is the world where someone is dominated by his animal instincts for food, sleep, sex, survival. Anger is the world where someone is not losing his temper as always thinking that he is the best or always right, and trying to prove it by putting other people down or judging them. He feels that he is always in competition with other people, or he is always getting into rows and arguments. Heaven is the world where someone feels peace and quiet the whole time. Humanity or Tranquility is the world where someone is being calm, decent, and reasonable. Learning is the world where someone learns from other people. Realization or Absorption is the world where someone learns from his experience and observation. Boddhisatva is the world where someone cares for others. The last world, Buddhahood, is the world where someone has wisdom, courage, compassion and implements Buddhism in his acts. Someone can live in a different world. It depends on the life situation he is in. Those Ten Worlds can be applied in all things. One of Ed’s friends, Liz, has applied them to money and Ed tries to apply them to sex after he meets his ex girlfriend, Angie.