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The sentence “Kau terlompat dari ranjang, lari ke tingkap yang masih mengandung kabut, dan kau lihat di sana, bahwa antara cemara bersih hijau dan kali gunung bersih hijau
mengembang juga tanya dulu, tanya lama, tanya” that is translated become “You jump out of bed, run to the tiny window still stuffed with fog and there you see between the bright green fir
trees and the bright green mountain stream the old question still growing, blooming, the old, old question, the question” in line 22-30 is concerned modified literal translation because regarded
the theory of Beekman and Callow 1986 stated that the modified literal translation occurs when the translator makes some lexical or grammatical adjustments to correct the errors arising from
literalism, and produce something which is equivalent to the original, therefore it is natural.
4.2.4.4 Unnaturalness in “Puncak” Table 4.18 : Unnaturalness in “Puncak”
LINE SOURCE LANGUAGE
TARGET LANGUAGE 3-8
Kederasan ramai kota yang terbawa tambah penjoal dalam diri
– diputar atau memutar –terasa tertekan;
the exitement of the pushing, crowded city, heaping problems Onto problems
–whether spinning or spun— Feels quieter, calmer,
12-14 silang siur pelabuhan, from the crossing and criss-crossing of
the harbor, 15-16 jadi terserah pada perbandingan
dengan cemara bersih hijau, kali yang bersih hjau
That world down there seems to be nothing at all compared to the bright
green fir trees, the bright green river.
The sentence
“Kederasan ramai kota yang terbawa tambah penjoal dalam diri – diputar atau memutar –terasa tertekan” that is translated
become “The exitement of the pushing, crowded city, heaping problems Onto problems –whether spinning or spun— Feels quieter, calmer” in line 3-8 is the unduly free translation which causes
unnaturalness because refers to Beekman and Callow 1985 argued the unduly free translation is on the extreme side of the highly literal one. The purpose of the unduly free translation is to
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make the message as relevant and clear as possible. In this kind of translation there are no distortions of the message arising from literalisms, though there are alterations of content, where
the translation does not express what the original says or implies. The phrase “Silang siur pelabuhan” that is translated become “From the crossing and
criss-crossing of the harbor” in line 12-14 is the unduly free translation which causes unnaturalness because refers to Beekman and Callow 1985 argued the unduly free translation
is on the extreme side of the highly literal one. The purpose of the unduly free translation is to make the message as relevant and clear as possible. In this kind of translation there are no
distortions of the message arising from literalisms, though there are alterations of content, where the translation does not express what the original says or implies.
The sentence
“Jadi terserah pada perbandingan dengan cemara bersih hijau, kali yang bersih hijau” that is translated become “That world down there
seems to be nothing at all compared to the bright green fir trees, the bright green river” in line 15-16 is the unduly free translation which causes unnaturalness because refers to Beekman and
Callow 1985 argued the unduly free translation is on the extreme side of the highly literal one. The purpose of the unduly free translation is to make the message as relevant and clear as
possible. In this kind of translation there are no distortions of the message arising from literalisms, though there are alterations of content, where the translation does not express what
the original says or implies.
4.3 Finding Poem 1 : “Buat Gadis Rasid”
Line Source Language
Target Language Accur
acy Inacc
uracy Natura
lness Unna
tural ness
Untran slatabl
e
