On Sister Regina’s Way in Dealing with a Problem
can be known from their daily activities. In Sister Regina’s opinion, there is a sister that quite disturbs her thought. Her name is Sister Mary Charles. Sister Mary
Charles is older than Sister Regina and she also teaches at parochial school. Sister Regina starts feeling the inconvenience when she sees Sister Charles does not treat
students well. In Sister Regina’s point of view, Sister Charles likes to punish students in an extreme way. Because of Sister Charles’ habit, Sister Regina even
has a feeling that Sister Charles is the same as a tyrant. Sister Mary Charles, grade five and six, a tyrant who elicited satisfaction out
of whipping the naughty children with a strip of rubber floor tile in the flower room. Sister Regina thought that what Sister Mary Charles needed
was for someone to bend her over the lowest bench beside the gloxinias and wail the tar out of her backside one time, and see if she might change her
ways. p. 41
This also explains that a sister is just a common people like any others. As a sister, Sister Regina also can feel emotion such as like or dislike. There is a slight
emotion of anger that obsessed her. Sister Regina does not like the way Sister Charles teaches her students. To Sister Regina, Sister Mary’s behavior is not proper
for children at those ages. Moreover, the special affinity of Sister Regina towards children makes her take more pity because of Sister Charles’ deed. However, Sister
Regina does not take any action concerning that matter. Sister Mary Charles is her senior so that she should know better about teaching children. Moreover, every
sister has to obey the Holy Rules; poverty, chastity, and obedience. The chastity means that every sister must deal with simplicity and purity, including the pure of
heart. That is why Sister Regina tries to eliminate her emotion of anger towards Sister Mary Charles.
Sister Regina continues her life as usual. However, she actually cannot make herself comfortable after many things happened around her. The death of Krystyna,
the habit of Sister Mary Charles, and the Holy Rules oppress her heart. There is a sister in the community whom Sister Regina feels close with. Her name is Sister
Dora. They usually spend the recreation time together to share anything. However, Sister Regina seldom shares to Sister Dora if she has a problem.
“God has His reasons.” “But what good reason could there be for this?”
Sister Dora glanced over and said, “It’s more than Krystyna’s death, isn’t it? I think you’ve been struggling with a number of things lately.”
Sister Regina made no reply. Instead she sighed deeply and kept in perfect step with Sister Dora, a soft afternoon breeze billowing their veils while
from someplace on the southwest side of town came the sound of life continuing. p. 65
Sister Regina never tells her problem to other people except Mother Superior and Father Kuldezk. When she meets them, it means that she is really in a
hard time. Sister Dora, as her best friend in the community, knows well about Sister Regina’s habit and she fully understands it.
“I must confess, I grow angry with Sister Mary Charles, too.” They were approaching the church as Sister Dora said, “Goodness, we really
are breaking Holy Rule, aren’t we?” I shall have to ask Mother Superior for a penance next Friday, too.”
“But on the other hand, R. B. admonishes us to offer prudent admonitions and charitable counsel to our sister, and isn’t what I’m doing now?” p. 68
Since that time, Sister Dora realizes that Sister Regina is struggling for a big problem she has not known yet.
Considering Holy Rule, Sister Regina tries to forget her anger towards Sister Mary Charles and her dissatisfaction about Krystyna’s death. Instead, she continues
her usual activities such as, teaching, making something creative for her students, doing her task in the community, etc. when she teaches her students, she meets any
children automatically. It makes Sister Regina’s maternal instinct grow stronger and stronger. Mingling with children comforts Sister Regina’s heart. She also can feel
whether the children are sad or happy. Just like that day, when one of her favorite students, Lucy, accompanied by her sister, comes to her because she misses her
mother, Krystyna. Sister Regina feels sympathy to her and she approaches her. In spite of the fact that Holy Rule disallowed it, she put her arms around
them and drew them fast to her sides. Having had no children of her own, she’d rarely felt small bodies curl against her this way. Their shoulder
reached the sides of her breasts which were bound firmly inside her habit, as if to deny the fact that she was female. p. 101
Although Sister Regina knows well about Holy Rule, she cannot stop herself to get close with the children by responding their complaint and hugging them. As
cited by Hall 1954: 54, Freud states that behaviors are mostly based on unconscious things such impulse, desire, or wish. Her response to hug the children
is caused by her unconscious mind that pushes her motherhood greatly. After that day, Sister Regina is more confused about her life now. For once in her life, she
forgets Holy Rule and it is because of the children. Realizing what problem she is facing now, Sister Regina strengthens her
prayer to God. Only God can help her solve her problem now. She actually wants to send a letter to her grandmother, her close family, but Mother superior always reads
every letter before being sent. She does not want other people to know about her struggle yet.
Dear God, she prayed, help me to remain pure of heart and immaculate pure of body like your blessed mother. Help me to maintain the vows I’ve taken
and to resist these impulses towards worldliness. Let me be content in the life I’ve chosen, so that I may serve You always with pure heart and spirit,
in Jesus’ name I pray, Amen. p. 110 PLAGIAT MERUPAKAN TINDAKAN TIDAK TERPUJI
This is a dilemma for Sister Regina. She has doubted her life now but she has not taken any steps yet. Sister Regina is not brave to fight all the inconvenience
she faces. Her special feeling to children and her desire to tell her family only can be kept in her mind.
Sister Regina still continues her prayer for she believes that God always help everyone who needs help. When the Chapter of Faults comes, Sister Regina does
not tell about her feeling to the children. She does not think that Mother Agnes should know now. Instead, she says about the death of Krys
tyna Olсzak that really shocks her.
Being with the Olсzak’s children makes Sister Regina meet Mr. Olсzak quite often. Sister Regina cannot hide her feeling that sometimes she feels shy in
front of Mr. Olсzak. As a sister, Sister Regina tries to deny her own feeling about that man. It seems she is not brave to recognize that she feels something special too
with Mr. Olсzak. Still, Sister Regina does not tell this problem to other people, even to her
best friend, Sister Dora. She is afraid of other people’s thinking. What would people think? More important, what would God think? Because of that, she decides to pray
again and again, hoping God will answer her prayer. “Sister Regina decided that what she needed more than all else was silence
and recollection to help her combat the incipient attraction she was feeling for Mr. Olсzak…” p. 122
Since that time, Sister Regina tries to be a content, obedient, and chaste nun, just like what she should be. She has not told the problem she faces to anyone.
When she comes to Father Kuzdek, she only tells him that she has an unchaste PLAGIAT MERUPAKAN TINDAKAN TIDAK TERPUJI
thought. And since that time, she also tries to avoid Mr. Olсzak. This is the best way for Sister Regina to forget about Mr. Olсzak.
Her fear makes her fail to do some things. It can be seen that she is not brave to tell her doubt caused by the children or even her awkward feeling of Mr. Olсzak
to her family, Mother Superior, and others. According to Freud, as cited by Hall 1954: 61, anxiety plays an important role in the development personality as well
as in the dynamics of personality functioning. Anxiety is synonymous with the emotion of fear and it could be afraid of internal changes as well as external ones.
Here, Sister Regina’s fear of what other people will think about is part of her personality development.
It has been about three months Sister Regina tries to defend in this situation. Yet, she can control her feelin
g to Mr. Olсzak by praying and avoiding him. She does not let her heart feel anything about Mr. Olсzak. Leaving the
vocation because it has not fulfilled her is one thing, but leaving it for a man is another. It is not acceptable. p. 173
Talking about the school, it is said that Sister Regina does not like Sister Mary Charles because of her cruel way in teaching children. Day after day, she feels
more love to children, especially because she is close with Olсzak’s children. However, Sister Regina always keeps silent and never argues what Sister Mary
Charles has done. Here, she is only a junior who has not got experience as much as the senior like Sister Mary Charles.
Just like usual, Sister Mary Charles never stop punishing her students. But this day is d
ifferent. Sister Mary is punishing Anne, one of the Olсzak’s children. Lucy, Anne’s sister, tells it to Sister Regina and Sister Regina gets surprised. She
immediately finds Sister Mary Charles. PLAGIAT MERUPAKAN TINDAKAN TIDAK TERPUJI
This time is a surprising time for Sister Regina. For the first time she can fight Sister Mary Charles. She cannot keep any longer her anger to Sister Mary. She
comes to Sister Mary and interferes with her by a shout. “Stop that this instant” she shouted.
Anne had taken four licks and stood sobbing, holding her stripped hands out for more.
Sister Mary Charles spun around. “This child has disobeyed She must be punished”
“Not that way Not with anger and cruelty” “She disobeyed me not once, but twice, and this is what she gets.”
“No. I will not allow it.” “You will not allow it Since when is it your place to allow or disallow it
when I’m reprimanding the children” “This is nor reprimanding, this is persecution, and that is not a naughty
child. A stern talking-to would do.” p. 177
Sister Regina is very angry to Sister Mary Charles. Moreover, it is her favorite student who is punished by Sister Mary. Sister Regina knows well that
Anne is a good child. However, Sister Regina soon controls her anger and she talks to Sister Mary more gently. She talks about Sister Mary’s wrong habit. She talks
about what she has kept all this time. After a long quarrel with Sister Mary Charles, Sister Regina cries. She feels
both pity and relieved on the children. Finally she stands up for the children and stop Sister Mary Charles’ wholesale cruelty.
That incident shows that there is a change in Sister Regina’s behavior. She becomes brave to face Sister Mary. She never did this before. There is no other
reason but her strong feeling towards children that is shaped everyday. Saleeby 2007: 14 states that maternal instinct becomes more powerful; than any other, and
can override other, even fear itself. PLAGIAT MERUPAKAN TINDAKAN TIDAK TERPUJI
After the incident, Sister Regina is calm for she knows that she does the right thing to Sister Mary Charles. And this makes her believe that leaving is the
right thing to do. Considering that, finally she decides to talk to Mother Agnes, her superior. This time, she tells everything about her life now.
“I fear, Mother Agnes, that I’ve been growing more and more dissatisfied with my life here within the spiritual community. These feelings have been
growing a very long time.” “I’ve been aware of it, Sister.” p. 184
From the conversation above, it can be seen that Sister Regina has kept her secret problem for a long time until this time comes. Mother Agnes, as a superior,
has felt this will happen to Sister Regina. However, she wants to know the reason why Sister Regina can go this far.
The Mother Agnes, with her finger laced over her round stomach, gazed at the crucifix and remarked, “Every religious I know has someone like that
inspired them. What has made you change your mind, Sister?” … Much of it I find senseless and counterproductive, and I break it so often
that I live in a constant state of guilt and repentance. Sometimes anger. To
day … when Sister Mary Charles took Anne Olсzak in the flower room, it was as if everything finally became crystal clear, and I knew the time was
here to make this change in my life.” Mother Agnes ruminated awhile, nodding. Then she asked, “May we speak
of the Olсzak children, Sister? Because I think they hold a very special place
in your heart.” p. 186 Sister Regina is very sure with her decision. However, Mother Agnes asks
her to take a little more time to pray and meditate. Mother Agnes also lets her go home in Christmas since she wants to tell her family about her decision. This is a
special permission for every sister is allowed to go home only every five years. Now Sister Regina is at home. She still holds tight her decision. She thinks
that it will be better if she tells her grandma first. This is the hardest thing for Sister Regina since Grandma Rosella is a person who is very happy seeing her becoming a
nun. Considering that, Sister Regina tries to explain everything to Grandma Rosella as calm as she can. Grandma Rosella is surprised. She accuses that it is because of a
man since Sister Regina is driven home by a man, Mr. Olсzak. Sister Regina thinks that she needs to correct this misunderstanding before everything goes wrong.
”It’s a man,” Grandma said conclusively, just as they reached her driveway. Sealing up her mouth, she marched ahead toward the house with censure in
every step. She’d lived with a man she found odious for so long, it was beyond Rosella Potlocki how anyone could want to tie herself to one of the
disgusting things. “It’s not a man,” called after her, “but it’s his children, as well as all the
other things I tried to explain Will you listen to me, Grandma?” p. 213
Just like what Sister Regina has thought, her grandma is very disappointed with her, but at least her grandma can accept her decision.
After Grandma Rosella, Sister Regina or Jean Potlocki her original name still has to tell her whole family. Here, she hopes that her family will fully
understand about her condition. In fact, facing her whole family is harder than facing Grandma Rosella.
After Sister Regina has explained her feeling, everyone gets shocked. Nobody knew what to say. Eyes met eyes all around the table, wives to
husbands, husbands to wives. And every single person there thought, it’s a man
. p. 215 Sister Regina is very sad. She can see a disappointment on her mother’s
eyes. Everyone in her family has the same thinking as her grandma that all is caused by a man. The situation becomes worse and all the people there are staring at her.
Sister Regina feels depressed and she cannot be calm anymore. Sister Regina Marie, O.S.B., who usually maintained a mien of composure
that the saints themselves would envy, stood up and shouted at the top of her lungs, “Stop it, every one of you Stop it right this minute” p. 217
Sister Regina has lost her patience. She feels horrid being misunderstood. Sister Regina realizes that they do not know so much about nun’s life so that se
decides to share some of it. Sister Regina tells her family what she feels in the convent and also about the children that has got a special place in her heart. After
her explanation, nobody says anything. It is too surprising for them, especially for her mother and her grandma. Instead, her Grandma Rosella asks her to do more
prayer and retreat. “I don’t know, Regina. I just don’t know. I think you should make a retreat,
make sure you’re doing the right thing. Will you do that for me?” “I made one last August, for exactly this reason”
“Well, make another one. Promise?” Regina sighed, “all right, Grandma, I promise.” p. 222
Sister Regina’s reaction towards Grandma Rosella’s request shows that this is her final decision and she is very sure about it. However, she agrees to do the
retreat again since she loves her grandma and she wants to appreciate her. Christmas
holiday has
ended. Sister
Regina goes
back to
her community. She does not go there with idle hands. She brings a strong certainty
that it is best for her to leave the community. Here, Sister Regina has come to her stabilized personality. According to Freud, as cited by Hall 1954: 117, stabilized
personality is one which more or less permanent arrangements for dealing with PLAGIAT MERUPAKAN TINDAKAN TIDAK TERPUJI
increases of tension have been made. However, it does not mean that there are no frustrations, anxiety, or any other tensions because life is never free from tension.