46 A real major difference happened when men and women have different
perceptions about sharing their personal problem. It is supported by Tannen 1986 who says that women need for involvement while men need for independence. For
women, being understood without explaining what they mean is the result of getting involved. In contrast, independence for men means both men and women should be
able to tell each other what they want p. 132. These different interpretations became one of the factors that led them to get misunderstanding.
2. Message versus Metamessage
To verify this factor, the researcher identified the following conversations as represented in example [32] and 33]:
Example [32] Alex : Would you mind helping and refilling
Gigi : ----interruption---- kind of like co-hosting? Alex : Uhh, OK. Just refilling the chips
. They‟re on the fridge. Thanks. Example [32] shows that Alex asked Gigi to help him in his party see
Appendix F, p. 72, items 129-130. In this case, he was asking help by using polite request. For Alex, this was just an ordinary request when he stated, “Just refilling the
chips ” to Gigi without any hidden messages in his request. Conversely, Gigi thought
that this was not an ordinary request from Alex. In other words, she focused on metamessage on Alex‟s request when she interrupted “…kind of like co-hosting?”
because She thought that there was a signal from Alex to make both of them in a closer relationship by helping Alex in the party.
47 The researcher analyzed three main parts in the example [33] that lead Alex
and Gigi to get misunderstanding. Example [33a]
Alex : Thanks for staying and helping clean up- but I really gotta get to bed, though.
Gigi : Is that an invitation?
Alex : What? Gigi :
Yes I knew it. I knew it. The best relationships grow out of friendships.
The example [33a] happened when Alex did not understand why Gigi interpreted his utterance as an invitation see Appendix G, pp. 73-74, items 134-138.
He just told that he wanted to go to sleep “I really gotta get to bed, though.” In contrast, Gigi thought that it was an invitation for her to get the closer relationship
with Alex “Is that an invitation?” Example [33b]
Alex : Now you and I are in a relationship? Gigi : Well, Id say if were not at relationship station--ship, were at least
on the track. Alex : And why exactly would you think that?
Gigi : Because there were, you know, signs.
Alex : Really? Like what? Gigi : Like, it was good to hear from me. You talked to me even when you
were with a girl and…silence…I felt something.
Gigi tried to explain what she thought about their relationship when Alex still did not understand as in the example [33b] see Appendix G, p. 74, items 139-144.
She said that she felt the signs where it was about feeling something different from Alex “Like, it was good to hear from me. You talked to me even when you were with
