Low Self-esteem The Causes of Kemal Basmaci’ s Obsessive Love
blinking. He often does so whenever he feels angry with her. Getting annoyed by
Kemal’ s behavior, Fusun tells him not to do that again. Instead of verbalizing the reason behind his action, Kemal murmurs ashamedly. “It was threatening to
become one of those evenings when I could not rise from my chair. Deploying my will power, I finally did, and murmuring that it had gotten very late, I
removed myself p.349”. The quotation also shows Kemal’ s tendency to murmur
while also describes his lethargic attitude, another sign of low self-esteem, as he needs to deploy his will power only to get up from the chair.
Another sign of low self-esteem is anxious feeling. Kemal gets anxious and nervous very easily. Often times, the reason behind his nervousness do not
mean anything at all for other people. “Whenever I entered a new house, I would
always feel uncomfortable until I knew how many rooms it had, which backstreet the balcony looked out on, why a table had been positioned in a particular way
p.238
”. The quotation shows an example of a very minor thing that causes
Kemal feeling anxious. He needs to know every detail of a house he goes into in
order to feel comfortable. “Even though I had prepared myself for this, the sight
of so many people I had known all my life clapping for us and warmly smiling
made me as giddy as a child p.111”. Kemal also feels anxious about being in the
spotlight. Instead of feeling happy when the guests cheers on and congratulate him in the engagement party, he feels uncomf
ortable and dizzy. “Look at you with your legs twitching again. Why don’ t you walk off your nervousness and come
back p.309”. When feeling heavily anxious, people might start to tremble. The
quotation shows Kemal has his knees trembling as a result of his anxiety, as he waits to see Fusun.
Guilt and fear are emotions people commonly feel whenever they do something bad. In people with low self-esteem, however, guilt and fear seem to
be felt more easily and sometimes without clear reasons. “Without speaki
ng, we
walked up the street. Was I troubled by my indifference to a little girl’ s witnessing such a thing? I felt guilty, but I wasn’t quite sure why p.37”. Kemal
and little Fusun run into the feast of sacrifice while walking outside and accidentally see
a lamb’ s throat being slit. Kemal feels guilty as he thinks little
Fusun might be scared upon seeing it although she seems to be unphased. The fact that Kemal feels guilty is rather bizarre, especially as he does not do
anything wrong. “Perhaps I’ m afraid of life, Doctor” p.176. The quoted line shows Kemal’ s answer when being asked by a psychiatrist as to why he is
depressed. His answer shows Kemal’ s fear attitude toward life in general, which
is a symptom of having low self-esteem. Another proof of Ke
mal’ s unexplainable guilt and fear is when he
watches a soccer match. Somehow he feels that the upbeat atmosphere of the stadium has the power of lessening his negative feelings, although he has no
reason to have such feelings in the first place. “In this
festive atmosphere, with men on the field and in the stands conjoined in ritual embrace and congratulation,
in this sudden community I felt my guilt recede, my fear transform into pride p.
43”. The quotation shows Kemal’ s low self
-esteem as he often unreasonably feels guilty and fearful.
People with low self-esteem are often strucked by shame which, similar to
their guilt and fear, is unexplainable. “I should have stood up and gone to sit next to Fusun. But I couldn’ t, for a strange shame had immobilized
me. I was like a teenager refusing to sit with his parents at the cinema, but also unwilling to
acknowledge the source of his shame p.277”. In the quotation, Kemal meets a
friend of his mother. He feels obliged to sit next to her although wanting to move next to Fusun. His realization for wanting to sit next to Fusun instead of with his
mother’ s friend causes Kemal to feel ashamed. It is normal to want to sit next to someone he is close to, so Kemal’ s shame is exaggerated and unreasonable.
Kemal sensitivity seems to contribute to his shame. As he is able to sense
the atmosphere of a place, he knows when things are off. “If her chatter to diffuse the situation seemed too forced, I would feel ashamed and remain silent p.292”.
Kemal’ s frequent visit to Fusun’ s family sometimes raises awkwardness among
them. While Kemal is ashamed of himself for visiting them too often, his shame
is very much intensified when he senses that Fusun’s mother, being the
friendliest and most hospitable person in the house, tries hard to ditch the awkwardness.
People having low self-esteem do not just feel ashamed of what they do
but also of themselves. “Actually, I had no desire to share my collection with
others, nor did anyone know I was hoarding things
—
I was ashamed of what I
was doing p.374”. Kemal has a collection of knick knack stolen from Fusun’ s
house. He loves to take things from every visit so that he can cherish the moment
they spend together. Kemal’ s ashamed feeling to let others see his collection is a
proof of his low self-esteem. People who have a healthy amount of self-esteem will not be ashamed of what they do, even be proud of it, especially if it causes
them to feel happy. Another proof of Kemal’ s low self esteem is shown below.
Late at night, when I had sunk into the cushions on the L-shaped divan, the raki I had drunk with Tarik Bey would make itself felt, and I could
almost drop off to sleep, watching the television screen with one eye open, and with the other it was as if I were looking into the depth of my
soul; I would feel the shame I had at other times succeeded in banishing, the shame that life had brought me to such a strange place, and an anger
would well up urging me to get on my feet and leave the house. p.298
Frustration, as pointed by Melanie J. V. Fennell, is one of the many signs of low self-esteem 2009: 10. It is not uncommon for people with low self-esteem to get
enraged suddenly. The distress feeling is usually caused by not being able to change something. In the above quotation, after feeling happy for having dinner
with Fusun’ s family, Kemal suddenly feels ashamed and angry upon realizing that he has no other world but at Fusun’ s side. It is implied that Kemal feels
frustrated as he is unable to get rid of his obsession though it disgraces him. Having low self-esteem might lead a person to feel an unusual body
sensation that can take the form of feeling tired and tension Fennell, 2009: 11. In Kemal, this body sensation is present in the form of tingling sensation when he
is either happy or excited, even though he merely does everyday things. I was very happy. But this was not an elation I could weigh in my mind
and understand. It was something that I felt on the nape of my neck when I answered the phone, or at the tip of my spine when running up the stairs,
or in my nipples when ordering food at a Taksim restaurant. p.49
Having a tendency to be self conscious is another sign of low self-esteem. People with extreme self consciousness think that they are constantly being judged and
evaluated by others. They may, as a result, become worried as to what other PLAGIAT MERUPAKAN TINDAKAN TIDAK TERPUJI
people think of themselves, as shown in below quotation.
“What is it?”
I suddenly realize that I would be unable to say that it was a quince grater. If I did, it seemed to me they would instantly understand that I was
obsessed with Fusun and had for years been visiting four or five times a week the house she shared with her family, such a hopeless and
humiliating situation as to oblige them to see me as a man with strange inclinations, harboring evil. p.380
The quotation shows Kemal being interrogated by a soldier while driving home
from Fusun’ s house. The soldier asks Kemal about the tool he puts beside him in
the car. Kemal is paralyzed and unable to answer what it is, as he assumes that if he tells him the soldier will learn that Kemal suffers from obsessive love. He is
afraid to be perceived as a creepy man with strange habit of collecting things.
This is a proof of Kemal’ s self consciousness, because it is impossible that the
soldier will draw such conclusion based on only asking what it is that Kemal brings with him in the car.
People with low self-esteem have the need to get approval from others to feel good about themselves. They need to be reassured that they are liked and
accepted. Below quotation shows Kemal’ s need for other’ s approval.
It was not uncommon for me to feel this way on those dark, dire nights
when Fusun’ s expressions had displeased me, when she had offered
hardly a smile, and even less if I brushed against her, intending nothing, but having done so, requiring a sign of assurance. p.298
In the above quotation, it is described how Kemal feels dejected to see Fusun being unhappy when Kemal visits her. Kemal then intentionally brushes against
Fusun to see how she will react. By doing so, Kemal hopes to get a kind of
approval that he is not the cause of Fusun’ s bad mood. He needs to feel liked and accepted. Another proof of Kemal’ s approval from others is shown as follows.
My present also helped me with awkward first moments after my arrival.
During the early years, I’ d bring pistachio baklava, Fusun’ s favorite, or
water pastries from the renowned bakery in Nisantasi. Then I would take my place discreetly, very much like a pupil who has come to class late.
p.293.
As Kemal feels ashamed to visit Fusun’ s family very frequently, he feels the need to “buy” the approval of Fusun and her parents that he is accepted there. To get it,
Kemal will bring something every time he comes. He either brings gift or favorite food of theirs.
Oversensitive to criticism is also a trait often exhibited by people with low self-
esteem. Other’ s criticism might drive them overly offended as it
signifies that they are wrong and incompetent. Below is the quotation describing
Kemal’ s
oversensitivity to criticism.
“Kemal Bey, if at all possible, let’ s try and avoid this. Is your brother aware of all this?” Kenan asked. He explained that we could not possibly
manage alone, and if we failed to fulfill the order in time, it would harm not just Satsat but the prospect of the other firms involved, and subject us
to heavy penalties in the New York courts.
“The arrow has already left the bow. We’ ll have to carry on without Turgay Bey.”
Kenan remained in front of me, insisting that I needed to speak to Osman.
“Kenan Bey,” I roared, “you are not working in my brother’ s firm. You are working for me”
“Kemal Bey, please don’ t take offense. Of course I’m aware of this. If you don’ t ring him right away to talk about a matter this important, he is
goin
g to be very upset. Your brother is aware that you’ve not been having
the easiest time recently, and like everyone else, he only wants to help
you.” The words “everyone else” almost detonated my anger. I was tempted to
fire him then and there. p.172 The above quotation shows a conversation between Kemal and his employee. Out
of jealousy toward Turgay Bey who once admires Fusun, Kemal cancels a business plan with him. His employee advices him not to do so and to at least
consult his brother beforehand. H
owever, it is clear that Kenan’ s wise advise
offends Kemal. As a result, Kemal feels the urge to fire Kenan straight away.
Kemal’ s overreaction also shows that Kemal is angry and frustrated easily, which
are also the signs of low self-esteem. Having low self-esteem also means having a tendency to be a people
pleaser. This is rooted from their need to feel liked by other people. Therefore, it
is common for them to bend to other people’ s wish and demand. Below is a
quotation showing that Kemal is a people pleaser. I surveyed the tables at the back of the garden, hoping to catch a sight of
Fusun, but she seemed to have vanished into thin air. Misery spread through my body.
“Are you looking for someone?” “My fiancée is waiting for me, but of course I’ d love to
sit down and have
a drink with you. . . .”
They were very pleased, and at once they pushed together their chairs to
make room for one more. No, I didn’ t need a place setting, just a little
more raki. p.115 The above quotation shows an occurrence in Kema
l’ s engagement party with
Sibel. In the middle of the party, Kemal scans the ballroom hotel, looking for Fusun. When asked, Kemal answers that he tries to spot Sibel in the crowd.
Although he does not want to make small talk with the guests and wants to walk around looking for Fusun instead, Kemal states that he will be very happy to sit
with his guests, a statement to which they response in delight. The quotation is a proof that Kemal is a people pleaser.