Most obsessors have weak personality boundary caused by low self-esteem coupled with their need for acceptance and approval from
others. They find it difficult to have a sense of individuality. In general, obsessors who have a weak personality boundary will always absorb the
feeling or the energy of their surrounding and people around them especially their object of obsession albeit unconsciously. Weak
personality boundary might appear in various forms such as being unable to say no, losing a sense of individuality, being too easily affected
emotionally to the point of having an exactly the same feeling , and giving up their own ideologychoicehobby to match those of others to gain
approval. Peabody, 2005: 49-50
v. The Need to Create Drama and Excitement
Unlike healthy relationship in which the persons involved try to build emotional stability and consistency, obsessors have the need to
create drama and excitement similar to dramatic scene in romantic soap opera. Creating drama and excitement are meant to produce outburst
sensation and adrenalin rush that help them to keep their excitement alive. To excite themselves, obsessors always try to turn an ordinary event into
extraordinary one just to get the excitement and entertainment. Obsessors may try to create drama by dramatizing an event similar to a romantic
scene, picking a deliberate fight, intentionally turning a small argument into a war, fantasizing excessively about romance, and interpreting other
people’ s ac
tions as well as events followed by creating signification based PLAGIAT MERUPAKAN TINDAKAN TIDAK TERPUJI
on it. While creating drama may bring a sense of excitement, obsessors may also get disappointed by little setback from the drama itself Peabody,
2005: 40-43.
vi. High Level of Tolerance for Suffering in Relationships
Obsessors often have a very high level of tolerance when they are faced with abuse and neglect by their object of obsession. They would
rather befriend with any kinds of pain resulting from relationship with their object of obsession than face the possibility of separation or breaking
up. The high level for tolerating can be traced back to their childhood. As a child, obsessors were powerless to change the neglect and rejection from
their parents. Therefore, from then they had learned to adapt themselves by settling themselves familiar and comfortable with pain. They do not think
that they deserve better relationship Peabody, 2005: 50-51.
vii. Being Ruled by Libido
While some obsessors are more obsessed in attachment, bonding,
and a fantasy to “live happily ever after” and therefore are ready to cling to
their object of obsession even without sex, there are a great number of obsessors who is ruled more by their libido. In addition to having a
tendency to eroticism, these obsessors often confuse lust with love, get dominated by sexual needs, become blinded by the sexual attraction of
their object of obsession, and consider passion as the most important aspect in their relationship as opposed to commitment, communication,
