tolerance in relationship is feeling comfortable and even addicted to pain 2005: 51, as also stated by Sibel after months of trying to heal Kemal.
You have come to enjoy being the sort of man who is always in pain and turns his nose up at everything. But the time has come for you to pull
yourself together, darling. p. 200
“I see you’ ve come to accept your condition.” “What do you mean?”
“For months now we’ ve been waiting for your illness to pass. But after all
this waiting, there are no signs of recovery
—
and instead you seem to
greet your illness with open arms. It’ s very painful to see, Kemal” p.
218.
7. Being Ruled by Libido
As pointed by Susan Peabody, there are a great number of obsessors who are being ruled by their libido. These kinds of obsessors are usually driven by
their sexual desire. In their eyes, sex is often the primary and most important aspect in their relationship. They also regard sexual attraction as the number one
factor for determining a true love. Below quotation shows Kemal’ s passion toward Fusun’ s physical attractiveness.
To touch her body and her lovely long arms, to feel her breast pressed against my chest, to hold her like that, if only for a moment, made my
head spin. Perhaps it was because I was trying to repress the desire, more intense each time I touched her, that I conjured up this illusion that we
had known each other for years, that we were already very close p. 17.
The above quotation occurs in the shop Fusun works as a shop keeper. That day, Kemal intends to return the handbag he had bought for Sibel as she
demands him to do it, knowing that the bag is fake. Fusun feels humiliated by
Kemal’ s act and starts to cry. It prompts Kemal to hug her, as a consolation. The
quotation suggests that Kemal feels elated only by being really close to her.
Kemal describes that Fusun’ s breasts and long arms make him dizzy. Kemal also
feels that his desire for her grows more intense each time, although in fact it is only their second meeting and the first time of their physical contact. To justify
his intense passion, Kemal then deludes himself as if they have been close for
years. Kemal’ s
dizziness as a result of touching Fusun and the delusion he
conjures are proofs of Peabody’ s theory that obsessors often become blinded by sexual attraction 2005: 54. Below quotation also shows Kemal’ s lust toward
Fusun. The way her hair tumbled onto the paper, the way her hand traveled
across the table, the way she’ d chew and chew a lead pencil, only to slip
its eraser between her lips, as if sucking a nipple, the way her bare arm grazed my own from time to time
—
all this sent my head spinning p. 47 The above quotation happens in the Merhamet apartment, when Kemal
teaches Fusun mathematics. As Fusun tries to solve a math problem, Kemal observes her. His observation is not to keep track about how Fusun solves the
math problem, though. The quotation clearly shows that Kemal pays attention to
Fusun’ s gestures while fantasizing sensual occurrence. According to Susan
Peabody, obsessors are prone to eroticism 2005: 54. It is clear that Kemal is prone to eroticism because he imagines something sexual in Fusu
n’ s otherwise
ordinary gestures, being tumbled hair, accidental skin touch, and the shredded
pencil eraser. Therefore, the quotation is a proof that Kemal’ s obsession toward
Fusun is fueled by eroticism. In the following quotation, it is seen that Kemal tries to figure out the
reason behind his obsessive love toward Fusun. I am certain that the fire at the heart of my tale is the desire to relive those
moments of love and attachment. For years, whenever I recalled those moments, seeking to understand the bond I still felt with her, images
would form before my eyes, crowding out reason; for example, Fusun would be sitting on my lap, and I would have taken her breast into my
mouth…Or while drops of perspiration fell from the tip of my chin onto
her graceful
neck, I’ d gaze with awe at her exquisite backside…Or at the heights of our pleasure, the look on Fusun’ s face… p. 53
The above quotation shows that when Kemal tries to understand why Fusun is so beloved to him, he will recall their happy moment together. However,
this happy moment is not the moment when the love and attachment can be clearly seen, for example when they are cuddling and contently enjoy a peaceful
evening together. Instead, he recalls the moment of their love-making. This is tricky because in love-making, libido might take over love and attachment
relatively easy. This is a proof that as an obsessor, Kemal often confuses lust with love, as pointed by Susan Peabody 2005: 54.
Obsessors who are being ruled by libido will usually place too much importance on sex. As a result, they neglect other important aspect in a healthy
relationship, such as honesty, loyalty, communication, and friendship. In the below quotation, it can be seen that what Kemal wants sex more than just
togetherness. In one corner of my mind I kept thinking that Fusun and I would be
meeting many more times in the Merhamets apartments to make love. But I understood that the only way I could carry this off would be to act as if
nothing out of the ordinary were happening p. 31.
The above quotation shows an occurrence after Kemal and Fusun meet in the Merhamet apartment. Kemal uses this opportunity to seduce Fusun and they
make love for the first time. Before Fusun leaves, Kemal offers her to come again every afternoon so that he can teach Fusun math. He knows that Fusun needs
math lesson to pass the university entrance exam. However, the above quotation PLAGIAT MERUPAKAN TINDAKAN TIDAK TERPUJI
suggests that teaching math is not Kemal’ s real intention. It can be seen that in
his mind, he arranges the meeting to be able to have sex with Fusun when he is at lunch break. It is clear that helping Fusun, that can build communication and
friendship is not what Kemal seen as important. Therefore, the quotation proves
Peabody’ s theory that obsessors let passion and sex over
other aspect of healthy relationship 2005: 55.
The fact that Kemal is ruled by libido shows that actually he is selfish. He knows that that Sibel is well-suited to be his wife, considering that she comes
from a prominent family. At the same time, he realizes that he can not marry Fusun who is far too lower in social status. However, the fact that he can have
Fusun’ s body without marriage makes him not really wanting to marry her, either. This is a proof of Kemal’ s high importance on sex, as he is not tha
t interested to experience true love as a whole.
If I proceeded with great care and let her know how much I loved her, Fusun, I now understood, would be unable to break off relations with me
for as long as I lived The manly pleasures that my father and my uncles had had only a taste of, and rarely before their thirties and not before they
had suffered terrible torment
—
partaking of all the pleasures of a happy home life with a beautiful, sensible, well-educated woman, and at the
same time enjoying the pleasures of an alluring and wild young girl
—
all this while I was still in my thirties, having scarcely suffered for it, or paid
a price p. 118.
In the above quotation, Kemal ponders about his future life. It shows that Kemal aims to keep the situation as it is. He plans to marry Sibel not long after
the engagement party, while at the same time continue seeing Fusun secretly. It can also be perceived that for his plan to be realized, he is going to flatter Fusun,
telling her how much he loves her. This is ironic because by creating this plan, it PLAGIAT MERUPAKAN TINDAKAN TIDAK TERPUJI
is clear that Kemal does not love Fusun. All he wants is to get sexual satisfaction without having the obligation to marry her. Peabody stated that obsessors are
dominated by their sexual needs 2005: 54. The proof for this theory is evident
in the above quotation regarding Kemal’ s plan for the future. Another proof showing that Kemal’ s idea of love is dominated by sex can be seen as followed.
The following quotation suggests that the one thing that makes Kemal happiest is his love-making with Fusun. This is a proof that Kemal is ruled by his
libido. As she peeled off her clothes, Fusun changed from a fearful girl made sad
by helpless passion into a healthy and exuberant woman ready to give herself over to love and sexual bliss. Thus did we enter what I have called
the happiest moment of my life. p. 72
People who are involved in a healthy love relationship will most likely agree that sex is not the most important thing in it. Their happiness lies in, for
example, being able to have a quality time together, make the loved one smile, and ensure their happiness, which will in turn make them feel happy too. This is
not the case with Kemal, as described in the above quotation. He recalls that the happiest moment in his life is his love-making to Fusun.
Commonly, obsessors also have a tendency to confuse lust with love Peabody, 2005: 54. It is very possible that they do that because they have no
idea about what healthy love is and how it affects them. In the below quotation, it can be concluded that Kemal confuses lust with love.
“I know you believe you went your own way, in pursuit of something deep and meaningful. You followed your heart. You made a stand.”
“Might it be something simpler than that? The sex was so goo
d that I
became obsessed. . . That’ s what love is like.” p. 418
