The Symptoms of Obsessive Love Love at First Sight
on it. While creating drama may bring a sense of excitement, obsessors may also get disappointed by little setback from the drama itself Peabody,
2005: 40-43.
vi. High Level of Tolerance for Suffering in Relationships
Obsessors often have a very high level of tolerance when they are faced with abuse and neglect by their object of obsession. They would
rather befriend with any kinds of pain resulting from relationship with their object of obsession than face the possibility of separation or breaking
up. The high level for tolerating can be traced back to their childhood. As a child, obsessors were powerless to change the neglect and rejection from
their parents. Therefore, from then they had learned to adapt themselves by settling themselves familiar and comfortable with pain. They do not think
that they deserve better relationship Peabody, 2005: 50-51.
vii. Being Ruled by Libido
While some obsessors are more obsessed in attachment, bonding,
and a fantasy to “live happily ever after” and therefore are ready to cling to
their object of obsession even without sex, there are a great number of obsessors who is ruled more by their libido. In addition to having a
tendency to eroticism, these obsessors often confuse lust with love, get dominated by sexual needs, become blinded by the sexual attraction of
their object of obsession, and consider passion as the most important aspect in their relationship as opposed to commitment, communication,
honesty, and some other important aspects in a healthy relationship Peabody, 2005: 54-55.
viii. Controlling Techniques
Due to their fear of losing their object of obsession, obsessors feel a strong need to keep and maintain their relationship with the object of
obsession. They need to have the upper hand in the relationship to ensure its continuity. To have the control over the relationship as well as their
object of obsession without risking losing them in the process, obsessors likely use manipulation instead of the more direct controlling techniques.
Peabody, 2005: 55.
ix. Unhealthy Preoccupation
Being preoccupied with a new lover in a new relationship is very common and it is not necessarily considered as obsessive love. However,
when the preoccupation grows too strong and driven by obsession, it is likely the case of obsessive love. Obsessors will often neglect family,
friends, and activities they used to enjoy just to focus their attention on their object of obsessi
on. As time goes on, obsessor’ s world seems to get
narrow Forward, 2002: 9. The root of their withdrawal from the world is their own belief that they have found the person they have been looking
for in their whole life. The belief often comes without reason. Susan Forward is quoted as saying:
Obsessive lovers truly believe--sometimes without realizing it
— that their “One Magic Person” alone can make them feel happy and
fulfilled, solve all their problems, give them the passion they’ ve
yearned for, and make them feel more wanted and loved than they have ever felt before. Forward, 2002, 21