Dysfunctional Family Background The Causes of Kemal Basmaci’ s Obsessive Love
situation and therefore tend to hold praise and approval from their children no
matter what they do. Below is a quotation describing Kemal’ s mother’ s highly
perfectionist characteristic.
From time to time she would grumble: ”Sidika and Saffet are related both
to me and to your dear departed father, so their names should have come
just after Perran and her husband. Sukru Pasha’ s daughters, Nigran,
Turkan, and Sukran, have also been put in the wrong order. There was no
need to include Uncle Zekeriya’ s first wife, Melike the Arab. After all, she couldn’ t have been married
to your uncle for more than three months. That poor little baby of your great-aunt Nesime, who died when she was
two months, her name wasn’ t Gul, it was Aysegul. Who did you go to for
your information when you were writing this up? p.227 The above quota
tion shows Kemal’ s mother perfectionist trait as she criticizes
Kemal making many mistakes when putting the names of his distant family in his
father’ s death announcement in the papers. Kemal’ s mother feels it is essential to
put all the names in the right order and with the right spelling. Aside from having a highly critical, perfectionist, and domineering
mother, Kemal comes from a family whose relationship between each member is unhealthy. Susan Forward states that obsessive love is caused by unhealthy
family in which one’ s need for respect, warmth, love, approval, and protection is
not met 2002: 173. Below is a quotation implying an unhealthy relationship in
Kemal’ s family.
After we had both fallen silent, my mother wagged her finger at me ominously a
nd said, “Be careful You’ re about to become engaged to a very special, very charming, very lovely girl Why don’ t you show me
this handbag you’ ve bought her. Mumtaz”—this was my father’ s name— “Look—Kemal’ s bought Sibel a handbag”
“Really?” said my fathe
r, his face expressing such contentment as to suggest he had seen and approved the bag as a sign of how happy his son
and his sweetheart were, but not once did he take his eyes off the screen. p.10
From the quotation, it is implied that Kemal’ s parents
are not intimate toward one
another. It can be seen from the way Kemal’ s mother calls his husband by his first name while shouting. In response, Kemal’ s father does not even turn his
head to look at his wife while she is speaking to him. Kemal’ s father see
ms to be more interested in the television show than in Kemal, as he does not bother to see
what it is that Kemal buys for Sibel. It can definitely causes Kemal to feel
rejected and ignored. Another proof of Kemal’ s dysfunctional family background
is as followed. My father gestured to the waiter to bring him a single raki, and after
looking at me in the eye, and gathering my own need for one, he repeated the hand gesture, indicating me this time.
“Now, you’ re not overdoing it, are you?” my mother said to my father. “I thought you’ d picked yourself up and shaken off that gloom you’ ve been
wearing like an old coat.” “Can’ t I drink and enjoy myself at my son’ s engagem
ent party?” p.104 The above quotation shows a conversation between Kemal’ s parents in his
en
gagement party. While waiting for Sibel to arrive, Kemal’ s father orders a drink. Kemal’ s mother dislikes it and makes a sharp comment regarding her
husband’ s behavior, though it is only his first glass. Kemal’ s father then replies in
a way that suggests he is already too tired to argue with his wife and for once want to enjoy himself. It is implied that there is no intimacy and understanding
between them. Another proof that suggests the rocky relationship between
Kemal’ s father and mother is quoted below. “I’ ve never liked that bastard,” said my father, heading down the stairs.
“For God’ s sake, let it go” said my mother. “Watch the steps.” “I can see them,” said my father. “I’ m not blind yet, thank God.” p.108
Although a highly critical herself, Kemal’
s mother seems deeply annoyed when PLAGIAT MERUPAKAN TINDAKAN TIDAK TERPUJI
her husband uttering his dislike for someone. She then warns her husband to watch his footstep, to which his husband replies with the same annoyance. The
short dialogue implies that Kemal’ s parents do not have a harmoniou
s relationship, even often argue with each other. Parents who often argue fail to
bring a sense of protection and love in the family, which may contribute to
Kemal’ s insecurity and feeling that he is unloved.
One of the many signs of a dysfunctional and unhealthy family is the lack of love and affection. People who love someone will want to spend as much time
with the loved one as possible. However, this is not the case in Kemal’ s parents,
as presented in the below quotation. When I was a child, I remember my mother sometimes turning to my
father to say,” Saadet Hanim wants to go out in the car with her husband
and children. Would you like to come, too, or shall I just take them out
with Cetin?” Sometimes she would just say “the chauffeur.” My father’ s
sto
ck response was, “God, no You can take them out. I’ m busy.” p.340 The quotation describes Kemal’ s childhood memory that serves as a proof of his
unloving family. His father being a busy business man makes it hard for him to spend time with Kemal and his wife. It might make Kemal feel abandoned during
his childhood. The lack of quality time in Kemal’ s family also highlights the fact
that his family does not provide him with the much needed love and affection.
Another proof of Kemal’ s dysfunctional fam
ily is the lack of openness in communication. Healthy family will develop honest communication intended to
solve problems that arise. However, Kemal’ s parents often hold secret with one
another, as quoted below
“I know it’ s yours. Months and months ago I
found it in the pocket of your jacket. I set it aside, to give it to you. But your mother saw it and
took it. She must have thought your dear departed father had brought it for someone else, and she would spoil his fun, or something like that.
Anyway, she had a secret velvet pouch where she hid things from your
father. Stole from your father and then hid from him.” p.232 Kemal’ s mother knows that her husband cheats on her many times. However,
instead of discussing and trying to find resolution, she chooses to pretend that she knows nothing of it. She seeks revenge toward her husband by hiding the things
his husband buys for his mistress. This is a proof that Kemal’ s parents do not
actually love each other. In turn, it is also the cause that they fail to provide sufficient amount of love and warmth in the family.
Dysfunctional family being the cause of obsessive love is not only about
the relationship between obsessors and their parents as well as their parents’ relationship among one another. Obsessor’ s re
lationship with sibling also plays a factor as siblings relationship is also supposed to be no less affectionate and
supportive. If sibling relationship falls short, obsessor may feel unloved even more.
Kemal and Osman, his brother, have very distinct personality. In the
novel, it is implied that Osman’ s characteristic is very much like their mother while Kemal’ s is very similar to their father. As the more passive and submissive
between the two, Kemal is often forced to succumb, as shown in the quotation.
“Which one of you is going?” my father asked. “Let Kemal go” said my brother.
“No, let Osman go,” I said. “Why don’ t you go, my boy,” my father said to me. “And don’ t tell your
mother what you’ re up to. . . .” p.35
In the above quotation, Kemal’ s fath
er asks one of his boys to buy liquor. Although both Kemal and Osman present reluctance, his father opts to ask
Kemal. His father’ s decision to comply Osman’ s wish may send the message to
Kemal that Osman is the golden boy in the family while he is unloved and ignored.
The quality of a relationship can be drawn from the way the people involved communicate. Below is a conversation between Kemal and Osman
during the engagement party.
“What was she telling you?” “Apparently she is taking her university entrance exam tomorrow.”
“And she’ s still here dancing? It’ s after midnight. I really did like your
Kenan, by the way. I say she should marry him.” “Shall I tell them both?” I shouted, having moved away from him already.
I had been doing this since childhood. Whenever my brother began to speak, I would do the opposite of what he asked, and retreat to the most
remote corner, ignoring the fact that he was still talking. p.141
The quotation shows how Kemal’ s way to avoid Osman. He does not seem to
enjoy communica
ting with his brother. Kemal’ s withdrawn attitude toward Osman may be caused by Osman’ s loud characteristic that makes Kemal feels
unrespected. People generally avoid talking to people they do not like and withdrawn from people they are intimidated by, therefore the fact that Kemal
avoids Osman since childhood leads to an assumption that their relationship is never smooth. Below quotation gives an insight of how Osman treats Kemal.
“Your mind is elsewhere, Kemal. I guess you don’ t like football as much
a
s your brother,” said Kadri Bey. “I do, but lately. . .”
“Kemal likes football very much, Kadri Bey,” said my brother in a mocking tone. “It’ s just that people don’ t pass him
many good balls.” “As a matter of fact I can give you the whole 1959 Fenerbahce l
ineup from memory. Ozcan, Nedim, Basri, Akgun, Naci, Avni, Micro Mustafa,
Can, Yuksel, Lefter, Ergun. . . .” I said. p.44
In a healthy sibling relationship, as the older between the two with large age PLAGIAT MERUPAKAN TINDAKAN TIDAK TERPUJI
differences, Osman is expected to protect his younge
r brother’ s, especially as he
knows that Kemal has a soft and sensitive personality. However, it seems that Osman likes to mock and insult Kemal instead. Kemal reacts by being serious
and defensive, which implies that he sees Osman as a threat, instead of an older brother who will support and protect him.
Osman and Kemal’ s differences in terms of personality is the root of their
turbulent relationship. When Osman dislikes something Kemal does, he never hesitates to scold Kemal outspokenly, as shown in below quotation.
“You’ ve disgraced yourself in society, but at least don’ t embarrass yourself at the firm. It’ s your fault you lost out on the sheet business.” he
said mercilessly.
“What’ s going on, what are you talking about? Please don’ t have another
argumen
t” said my mother. p.230
The above quotation shows Osman gets angry when Kemal fails in the business. Osman knows that Kemal has had the hardest time in recent months, but he does
not care about his brother’ s well being. Instead, he is more concerned a
bout the
lost business. Osman’ s inconsiderate attitude toward Kemal is likely to drive Kemal feeling unloved and left with no support. Another proof that show’ s
Osman’ s lack of support toward Kemal is when Osman angrily criticizes Kemal
for breaking his en
gagement with Sibel. He does not try to understand Kemal’ s reason, let alone supporting him. “The news of my broken engagement spread
fast. Osman came to the office one day to berate me p.223”.