for her parents, to be a good nun for God, and to be God’s Callgirl. They will be
analyzed as follows:
a. Being a Good Child for her Parents
Carla is a child who loves her parents, especially her father. Carla tries to make her parents, especially her father, happy and proud of her. She is proud of
her father. Carla is amazed at her father’s handsome appearance and ability to
play a violin and a harmonica. She is in awe of his expertise in playing them although he often plays the same tunes repeatedly that annoys her mother.
Carla takes a pity and loves her father more because she knows that her mother hates him while he is playing his violin or harmonica. Carla says to
herself, ‘I was in awe of his expertise, but my mother considered it a vulgar thing.
She said his repertoire was boring. Poor Dad; for him, it would have been enough if she had never said out loud that she hated it’ Van Raay 12.
Carla really loves her father so much. Her love also can be seen in her obedience of keeping the secret that her father commits sexual abuses to her even
though it makes her get cough for weeks and months when she is three years old. She shows her obedience to show that she is a good child for her father.
In the mornings, the taste of it was still in my mouth. I thought I’d had an
awful dream. In the beginning, when I was only three, I wanted to retch, vomit, get rid of it; then, out of the blue, I developed whooping cough. I
coughed and coughed for weeks and moths but couldn’t get rid of what was choking me; could never wash my throat clean. But gradually,
because I was a though child and loved my father unquestioningly, I adjusted Van Raay 27.
Her willingness to be a good child also can be seen when she thinks that
her father wants a son as his first child, she tries hard to be a son for him. She
carries things that are far too heavy for her, to show her father how strong she is. She wants to be stronger than any boy around in the age. Even more, Carla proves
it by challenging the boys to fight her so that she is considered as a superior among them. Her actions are also helpful for her brothers and sisters because she
will fight anyone who hurts her brothers and sisters Van Raay 57.
Besides, Carla regularly wins the annual running race organized by parents
for the local kids. That Carla loves her father can be seen when she chooses the prizes of her win. She always chooses the things which her father can use. She
feels to be meaningful at the moment when her father laughs and shows he is proud of her. Then,
she feels very happy because of her father’s happiness. I just had to win for him, and the whole neighborhood seemed to know this
too and cheered me on. Afterwards I would look up at him breathlessly, showing him the bottle of sherry or whatever that I’d chosen as a prize. I
was white with anxiety and exhaustion: Now, Papa, will you think that I’m
good enough? Now, will you respect me? I didn’t care that the prizes I’d
chosen were things I couldn’t use myself – my papa could use them; that’s what mattered to my love-starved soul. He laughed, my papa did; he was
proud of me. I was painting with pleasure and with an inexplicable pain in my heart Van Raay 58.
Carla’s struggle to be a good child for her parents shows that Carla takes a valuing process of finding the meaning of life. She takes an experiential values as
what Frankl 73 states that experiential values consists of conviction and experience to the value of the truth, the good deeds, the beautifulness, the spirit,
the religion, and loving affection. In this case, Carla tries to find the meaning of life by feeling love and being loved by her parents since she is a good child.
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