c. Being God’s Callgirl
Carla continues to find the meaning of life by taking an opposite way from previous experience. She becomes a prostitute. She decides to be a prostitute
because she has to afford her life with her daughter. It points out the freedom of will, one of Logotherapy bases Frankl 158. She has her own freedom to decide
what she will do and not do for her life and to take a stand on her condition responsibly. She tries to find the meaning continuously.
As a prostitute, she thinks she can earn better and have fun as well. She works for a pimp at first but then she decides to work from home. She is very
choosy in choosing her clients because she prefers businessman to other profession one. By having few clients, she thinks that her clients feel comfortable
and safe. Besides, by becoming a prostitute, she feels herself wholly a woman, being
in love with sex, enjoying men’s compliments and attentions. Then, the clients give her the honour of paying her well. The payment is a form of
appreciation for her. It gives her a sense of self-worth Van Raay 292-303 Carla always tries to regard her job as a prostitute positively. There is one
occasion which inspires her. It is when she is attending an exhibition of ancient Chinese vases in Perth. She is completely mesmerized on the picture which is
painted on the vase that there are Chinese nuns, who are fully dressed, but clearly in coitus, offering their vulvas to well-hung men who look like a travelling
merchant. The fantasy suited me
– and that was the whole point, although I suppose there could have been some truth in it. Were there ever nuns in China?
Buddhist ones, perhaps? No matter; from now on, I would visualise myself as someone who served her customers out of a pure desire to balance their
energy by offering them her precious feminine juices. They would be feeling peaceful, blessed and cleansed
– God’s Callgirl would bring out the best in them And in return, my customers would do me as good as well
Van Raay 321.
The pictures inspire her work as a prostitute, in which a story instantly wells up in her brain, explaining everything how.
Then, she calls herself as God’s Callgirl with a vision. The vision is about a relationship between her and the clients. She
thinks that she and her clients have a mutually beneficial relationship for both of them. A man needs a female to balance his energy in a more wholesome way than
masturbating, which does not exchange of female energy. On the other hand, the nuns need the men for their own purposes. They use the sexual acts as an ecstatic
meditation on God and at the same time provides them with a living. Here, the purpose of the sex is not self-indulgence, but to achieve equanimity of the spirit.
Carla visualises herself as someone who serves her customers to balance their energy by offering them her feminine energy.
Creative juices flowed easily from my heart and body. Grace seemed to pour out of my hands and nectar out of my fanny. I enjoyed touching and
giving pleasure – and being touched in return by so many different hands,
tongues, bodies. I got to know the lovemaking habits of many men and admired how they could take command in a gentle directive way when I
invited them to Raay 321-322. Carla does not feel tired as long as she is satisfied and happy. She is
pleased when she knows that her clients find what they need from her. She always does the best for her clients as good as she can do. She feels worthy when she can
do something good for her clients so that they feel satisfied. She loves and does her work wholeheartedly. It causes the feeling of happiness for that moment of her
life.
Carla feels happy as God’s Callgirl and also feels pleasure to be with her
clients. She appreciates her customers at least what she gets to know them during the short periods they spend together in such out of uncommon circumstances.
They certainly seemed appreciative of her too. From her vision of becoming God’s Callgirl, Carla shows that she can give something valuable by her work
Van Raay 321. These conditions point out that she can find the meaning of life at that time because happiness is a reward or an effect of the success of finding the
meaning of life. Frankl 34 states that happiness does not exist suddenly but it is an effect of meaning fulfilment from the will to meaning.
2. Carla’s Failure to Find the Meaning of Life
Carla tries to find the meaning of life continuously but she also finds failures in her struggles. The failures cause her feeling of meaningless or
existential frustration. She suffers from the sense of meaninglessness, emptiness, lost of the purpose in life, bored feeling, and apathy. According to Frankl 167-
171, this condition is termed as the existential vacuum that is caused by the existential frustration, which is a frustration of the will to meaning. Moreover, the
effect of meaningless experience, which is unsolved and continued, will cause noogenic neurosis. The noogenic neurosis is a mood disorder that can inhibit
one’s self-adaptation and achievement. The disorder is marked by boredom, emptiness, hopeless, lost of interest and initiative, even the meaningless life.
In this novel, Carla’s will to meaning is shown by willingness to be good child for her parents, to be a good nun for God, and to
be God’s Callgirl. Those
Kategori