methods is very essential to analyze Carla’s description. Therefore, only some of
them are implemented in this analysis. In this novel, Carla is described as:
1. Self-reproachful
Carla is a self-reproachful person who often blames herself when others feel disappointed on what Carla has done, eventhough she is not actually wrong.
Besides, Carla prefers accepting people’s blame to quarrelling with those people. In the novel, it can be seen that Carla feels guilty to God by keeping her father’s
secret. Carla thinks that she makes a sin since she does not have any courage to admit her mistake to the priest. Carla gradually feels guilty. Moreover, she thinks
that she has hurt Jesus , especially after she listens to story of Jesus’ sacrifice. In
addition, Carla blames herself for causing Jesus’ death as she has made a sin by not confessing her sin to the priest Van Raay 21-22.
Concerning her sin, Carla does not want to die early. She is afraid that she will fall into the hell if she makes any sin in her life. Being anxious, Carla
conspires with the devil to delay her death and to avoid the hell before she relieves herself for her sin Raay 30.
My heinous prayer to the devil came out of the deepest desolation and abandonment. After a while, I felt that my prayers had been answered. I
survived. But the guilt at my betrayal of God was terrible. It stopped me from breathing and eating, and I started to get things wrong, which in turn
meant being derided by my father and the children at school Van Raay 30-31.
At the age of eighteen, Carla enters a convent to be a nun. Then, she leaves
the convent at the age of thirty one. She knows that leaving the convent makes her parents sad and disappointed. Her parents realize that their beloved daughter has
weaknesses. Carla sees the pain in their eyes, a deep sense of having been
betrayed. Her father’s face is a mixture of derisive accusation and genuine
puzzlement. Her mother is also barely breathing, intents on trying to understand her. Their pain finally hits her and breaks her heart so that makes her feel self-
reproachful Van Raay 262. After Carla leaves the convent, she marries James and has a daughter
named Caroline with whom James lives with after the marriage unfortunately ends. Then, she has a relationship with Hal and has a daughter named Victoria but
unfortunately the relationship is also over. Carla becomes a single parent for her daughter Victoria. She needs a job to support their life. Carla decides to be a
prostitute because she thinks that she can get money easily. She finds a vision to inspire her to work as a
prostitute by calling herself as God’s Callgirl. She thinks that God’s Callgirl will be helpful for her clients because she provides them what
they need at the same time. However, there is a guilty feeling in her initial conviction of becoming God’s Callgirl that her sexual contact with men will give
them spiritual benefit. I condemned myself for encouraging what I call ‘men’s alienated
behaviors’. My guilt was intense. I couldn’t see that my clients’ motivation wasn’t my business. I couldn’t see that I was arrogant to believe that I
could understand what they were thinking. What had happened to my initial conviction that my sexual contact with men would benefit them
spiritually? Was I allowing myself to
be intimidated by society’s mores? That wouldn’t have been possible unless there was some guilt lurking
inside me, waiting to be triggered. But the guilt had been there long before. I started my work. I had chosen a profession that would prove to me that I
was guilty Van Raay 354. Through her thought and reactions, it is obviously seen that Carla is a self-
reproachful person who feels guilty easily. The guilty feeling brings her into a
