The Failure of Being a Good Nun for God

determined by the power from out of herself. Moreover, Carla comes to some therapy programs. From the therapy programs, she gets healing process so that she finally finds the meaning of life. As an open-minded person, Carla receives Hal’s suggestion to go along therapies. Hal is the first person who suspects that there is something in Carla’s past which seriously needs to be healed. When a couple of therapist come to town that specialize in championing people who have suffered at the hands of adults when they are children, Hal urges Carla to meet them and offers to pay the expenses. Furthermore, Carla is able to get healed step by step Van Raay 369. One day, Carla goes to a therapist, Jan. Carla often finds glimpses of her father’s body when she is asked to close her eyes and imagine something. It makes Carla have a strong desire to punish him. Next, she attends on another therapy program to Byron Bay in New South Wales to do Hoffman Process, which specifically deals with father and mother issues. During all the angry pillow- bashing sessions, it puzzles her why she is driven to pulverize her father’s imagined penis repeatedly Van Raay 372-373. Through the Hoffman Process, Carla’s perception of her father and mother are transformed from seeing them only as the people who brings her up, to seeing them as sensitive human beings who struggle a long and do their best. It brings the feeling of loving her parents inside her, which makes her decide to come to her parents and tells each of them face to face that she loves them so that they feel joyful Van Raay 375. Through attending therapy programs, Carla also realizes that she has been locked into a conflict. The secret that she keeps from others brings her into a lifetime conflict, in which she feels so sinful, guilty, introvert, and sensitive, even vengeful. It proofs that she has done self-sabotage by making a dreadful pact with the devil when she is a child. During several quiet days on my own in a Byron Bay hotel, integrating what I had gone through in the Hoffman Process, the realisation came to me that it was the devil of my childhood religion with whom I had made my dreadful pact. I sat as if stunned while the implications became clearer. I had not wanted to die and risk going to hell – which meant I must have done something really bad to make me believe I would go to hell if I died. But what about confection – how was it that I did not believe God would forgive me for whatever it was I had done? Although I had been familiar with angels, always making room for them beside me when I was a child, I had turned to the devil and asked for his support. More than that: at some stage, I promised to fail at everything I really wanted to do in life, provided I was allowed to live I was overwhelmed by these heinous thoughts, but relieved to have a clear strategy at last: exorcise this devil Reverse this promise Van Raay 373-374. Next, Carla comes to Rimmie who is a sympathetic. Carla thinks that Rimmie can help her with exorcising a devil from her life. In the session of exorcising the devil, Rimmie lets Carla to tear up the pact that she makes with the devil. Rimmie asks Carla to tell him that he has been with her for long enough and that is time for him to go. He is no longer needed in her life. Carla falters but she gets through the performance with credible assertiveness. She is no longer afraid to die. She says, ‘I faltered, but got through the performance with credible assertiveness. ‘Begone, evil thing’ I shouted, my lips held tight to stop them from trembling. ‘I renounce my pact with you I am no longer afraid to die I deserve to succeed at everything I do’ Van Raay 377.