The Failure of Being a God’s Callgirl

Through attending therapy programs, Carla also realizes that she has been locked into a conflict. The secret that she keeps from others brings her into a lifetime conflict, in which she feels so sinful, guilty, introvert, and sensitive, even vengeful. It proofs that she has done self-sabotage by making a dreadful pact with the devil when she is a child. During several quiet days on my own in a Byron Bay hotel, integrating what I had gone through in the Hoffman Process, the realisation came to me that it was the devil of my childhood religion with whom I had made my dreadful pact. I sat as if stunned while the implications became clearer. I had not wanted to die and risk going to hell – which meant I must have done something really bad to make me believe I would go to hell if I died. But what about confection – how was it that I did not believe God would forgive me for whatever it was I had done? Although I had been familiar with angels, always making room for them beside me when I was a child, I had turned to the devil and asked for his support. More than that: at some stage, I promised to fail at everything I really wanted to do in life, provided I was allowed to live I was overwhelmed by these heinous thoughts, but relieved to have a clear strategy at last: exorcise this devil Reverse this promise Van Raay 373-374. Next, Carla comes to Rimmie who is a sympathetic. Carla thinks that Rimmie can help her with exorcising a devil from her life. In the session of exorcising the devil, Rimmie lets Carla to tear up the pact that she makes with the devil. Rimmie asks Carla to tell him that he has been with her for long enough and that is time for him to go. He is no longer needed in her life. Carla falters but she gets through the performance with credible assertiveness. She is no longer afraid to die. She says, ‘I faltered, but got through the performance with credible assertiveness. ‘Begone, evil thing’ I shouted, my lips held tight to stop them from trembling. ‘I renounce my pact with you I am no longer afraid to die I deserve to succeed at everything I do’ Van Raay 377. A full of two-year period has passed since Carla has completed the Hoffman Process that has uncovered her childhood pact with the devil. The whole picture becomes clear to Carla. She knows what she thinks has been embedded in her since her father has tried to shut her up. It results on C arla’s guilty. Besides, she lets the devil sabotage herself. The devil in me ... Even at the time of this realisation, I did not fully apprehend that I was literary possessed. The energy I had directed towards the devil as a child did not leave me when I grew out of my religion. It had become a living entity in my body and seemed to have a will of its own. It was the possessing devil. Who sabotaged all my efforts to succeed in life, in order to confuse me and make me think ever worse of myself; who had sabotaged every effort I made to heal myself and thereby expose him Van Raay 390. Carla also goes to see Tom, an exceptional healer, who has come down from Denmark to Perth for a few days. Tom teaches her a self-a cceptance. Tom’s words make Carla feel deeply reassured and affirmed. When Carla says that she often feels lonely, Tom chips in immediately. He says that it is not true that Carla will feel alone. He states that Carla can be happy all the time if she finds herself always with God. A great feeling of being loved comes over Carla. She is full of joys that she finds herself simply accepting herself as she is and it feels like coming out of a prison. She says, ‘I always followed the call of God as best as I could . Fear prevented me from doing it better, until it didn’t. Now I am simply God’s girl. For ever’ Van Raay 435. Carla has just learned the first real lesson of her life, self-acceptance. Her new-found freedom is only a beginning. Then, she changes how she calls herself from God’s Callgirl to a turn for simply God’s Girl. She says ‘I had discovered the one thing that makes it impossible for evil to live long in anybody: true and self-acceptance, which is the work of unconditional love. Van Raay 407. After experiences all above, Carla finally gains what a blessed life is so that she feels happy and full of joys. Carla’s feeling of being able to enjoy whatever the moment brings shows that she has found the meaning of her life. There is no suffering anymore. Frankl 172 states that a man must find his meaning of his life responsibility. In this case, Carla’s self-acceptance and accepting everything that has happened in her life show that Carla can answer what life asks her. She does not regret to every moment she has passed through her lifetime. She feels truly blessed to have heard the call to wake up to her true self. The feeling of blessed is a reward of her finding the meaning of life. After a long journey dealing with her struggles to find the meaning of life, finally Carla finds it so that she has the meaningful life as God’s girl.