betrayed. Her father’s face is a mixture of derisive accusation and genuine
puzzlement. Her mother is also barely breathing, intents on trying to understand her. Their pain finally hits her and breaks her heart so that makes her feel self-
reproachful Van Raay 262. After Carla leaves the convent, she marries James and has a daughter
named Caroline with whom James lives with after the marriage unfortunately ends. Then, she has a relationship with Hal and has a daughter named Victoria but
unfortunately the relationship is also over. Carla becomes a single parent for her daughter Victoria. She needs a job to support their life. Carla decides to be a
prostitute because she thinks that she can get money easily. She finds a vision to inspire her to work as a
prostitute by calling herself as God’s Callgirl. She thinks that God’s Callgirl will be helpful for her clients because she provides them what
they need at the same time. However, there is a guilty feeling in her initial conviction of becoming God’s Callgirl that her sexual contact with men will give
them spiritual benefit. I condemned myself for encouraging what I call ‘men’s alienated
behaviors’. My guilt was intense. I couldn’t see that my clients’ motivation wasn’t my business. I couldn’t see that I was arrogant to believe that I
could understand what they were thinking. What had happened to my initial conviction that my sexual contact with men would benefit them
spiritually? Was I allowing myself to
be intimidated by society’s mores? That wouldn’t have been possible unless there was some guilt lurking
inside me, waiting to be triggered. But the guilt had been there long before. I started my work. I had chosen a profession that would prove to me that I
was guilty Van Raay 354. Through her thought and reactions, it is obviously seen that Carla is a self-
reproachful person who feels guilty easily. The guilty feeling brings her into a
feeling of meaningless. If this condition cannot be stopped, she will not find her meaning of life.
2. Naive
In the novel, Carla is described as a naive girl. She is lack of experience, knowledge and ability to judge something, while she believes that what people
have told her is the truth. When Carla studies at Vaucluse, Mother Anthony who teaches her mathematics tells that
‘Kissing makes you pregnant.’ Because of her naivety, Carla accepts the statement as the true one. Consequently, it influences
her acts in making relationships with any men. When Carla develops a relationship with Keith three months before Carla becomes a nun, Keith is sad
because Carla never allows him to kiss her mouth since she is afraid of being pregnant Van Raay 92.
Carla ’s naivety can also be seen when she is a nun, especially when she
does not get her period. Mother Mary John is really surprised when she hears that. Mother Mary John responds to the report from the linen mistress that Carla has
not ordered sanitary pads for five months by calling Carla to her office. ‘Where have you been, Sister?’
Been? I had been nowhere special. My interrogators watched me closely.
The tension was electric. Mother Mary John finally became specific.’Did you go to the village at all,
Sister?’ ‘No, I haven’t gone to the village. Not at all. Why?’ Van Raay 185
Carla is known that she is suffering from a shortage of iron. Then, she is given some tablets. Afterward, her period returns
. Carla’s naivety makes herself misunderstand the reason for Mother Mary John
’s and other sisters’ anxiety. They worry and wonder if Carla is pregnant.
After leaving the convent, Carla enters an anonymous secular world in which she feels completely unnerving because she is lack of experience to
socialize with other people outside the convent. Carla’s naivety also can be seen
in her difficulty to adapt to the secular world. She tries to pay attention on how people around behave. She feels that she is strange in the world of social
intercourse. Even more, she does not know what a post office is for. She also does not know how modern adult behaves socially. She observes people around her to
give her some ideas and listens to their banter Van Raay 266-267. Carla
’s naivety is also can be seen when she gets pregnant after getting married with James. When her pregnancy is six-months old, she and her husband
join a business of Golden Product but they are tricked by this business. They lose all of their money. She says:
‘James and I lost all of our savings to Golden Products
’ Van Raay 283. Carla’s naivety brings her into a trouble when she has a relationship with
Hal after her marriage with James is over. She develops a relationship with a man named Hal for two whole weeks. When Hal is away for two weeks, he gives her a
condom. Carla does not understand why the condom is given to her because she has never been unfaithful to him. She asks Hal whether he expects her to go
rampant just because he is going away for a while. Hal does not answer but just chuckles and shakes his wide shoulders lightly. It is actually such a test for
Carla’s loyalty for their relationship. Unfortunately, Carla is so naive that she uses the condom to have sex with another man. It hurts Hal and makes him
disappointed with her.
