Carla also wants to find the meaning of life. She does many things and tries to do the best for finding the meaning of life. Frankl 154 states
“man’s search for meaning is a primary force in his life and not a ‘secondary
rationalization’ of instinctual drives.” The statement explains that the will to meaning motivates people to do actions so that life becomes useful and worthy. In
this Novel, Carla also does some actions and works in quest for the meaning of life. She struggles in her life to find the meaning of life that will give her
happiness.
1. Carla’s Struggle to Find the Meaning of Life
Carla’s life consists of several moments or situations that are different for times to times through her life. According to Frankl 172, “as each situation in
life represents a challenge to man and presents a problem for him to solve, the question of the meaning of life may actua
lly be reserved.” Man’s search for meaning insists that one has his own specific vocation or mission in life that must
be fulfilled by himself, not by others. Carla faces situations in her life, which represent a challenge and a problem to be solved, where a question of the meaning
of life is reserved. Moreover, she has to answer the question as responsibility in finding the meaning of life.
About the meaning of life, Frankl considers that the meaning of life is unique, specific, personal, so that each person has a unique meaning of his life
and appreciation of different ways between the personal and the other ones. In this novel, Carla’s will to meaning can be seen in her willingness to be a good child
for her parents, to be a good nun for God, and to be God’s Callgirl. They will be
analyzed as follows:
a. Being a Good Child for her Parents
Carla is a child who loves her parents, especially her father. Carla tries to make her parents, especially her father, happy and proud of her. She is proud of
her father. Carla is amazed at her father’s handsome appearance and ability to
play a violin and a harmonica. She is in awe of his expertise in playing them although he often plays the same tunes repeatedly that annoys her mother.
Carla takes a pity and loves her father more because she knows that her mother hates him while he is playing his violin or harmonica. Carla says to
herself, ‘I was in awe of his expertise, but my mother considered it a vulgar thing.
She said his repertoire was boring. Poor Dad; for him, it would have been enough if she had never said out loud that she hated it’ Van Raay 12.
Carla really loves her father so much. Her love also can be seen in her obedience of keeping the secret that her father commits sexual abuses to her even
though it makes her get cough for weeks and months when she is three years old. She shows her obedience to show that she is a good child for her father.
In the mornings, the taste of it was still in my mouth. I thought I’d had an
awful dream. In the beginning, when I was only three, I wanted to retch, vomit, get rid of it; then, out of the blue, I developed whooping cough. I
coughed and coughed for weeks and moths but couldn’t get rid of what was choking me; could never wash my throat clean. But gradually,
because I was a though child and loved my father unquestioningly, I adjusted Van Raay 27.
Her willingness to be a good child also can be seen when she thinks that
her father wants a son as his first child, she tries hard to be a son for him. She
