75 The issue of being lesbian because of long term interaction as has
been discussed above portrays that this factor is experienced by lesbians in both Indonesian and English language short stories. It also shows that it
can happens everywhere because of long term interaction of ones ha ve with other. These stories seem to address that lesbian’s sexual orientation can
occur over a lifetime or during the lifelong interaction to other women. The issue of friendship which develops into romantic relationship in lesbians commonly
happens in heterosexual people too.
5. Becoming a Lesbian because of Early Exposure to Homosexuality and Environmental Factor
Another causing factor of being a lesbian portrayed in the short stories is because of the influence of an early exposure to homosexuality. A person who has
homosexual role models in their life especially during childhood can influence their sexual orientation whether they are becoming heterosexual or homosexual.
Children learn certain behaviors fro m their significant others or role models by observing them, basically from their family life.
This issue is portrayed in one of Indonesian language short story entitled “Lelaki Yang Menetas Di Tubuh Ku”. The lesbian character gets her first
homosexual memory when she was in 8 years old. It happens in her mother’s friend farewell party. She saw the romantic scene which is filled by lust of two
women in a quiet and dark room when she wanted to find a toilet: “And the woman who has just talked embraced then
suddenly kissed the criying lady’s cheeks. Gently wipe away the tears on her white skin, with her lips. And the crying lady
slowly responded. She embraces her lips gradually in the lips
76 of the woman kissing her. She was sobbing harder. They
kissed in lust. This scene blows something strange in my heart.” LYMDK, 46
104
And she continues to explain that sometimes this memory raises again her mind. “Until now, I sometimes hear their wheezing sound. Lusty moaning between sad
sobbing that often disturbs my night sleep”. Ucu Agustin, LYMDK: p. 46
105
This spectacle gives a big influence to her life even up to she grows up and becomes an adult woman. This childhood memory influences her sexual
orientation and finally makes her become a lesbian. As she narrated below; But suddenly, my eye’s corner catch those movement. A spark
of scenes which later gives a big influence in my life. Absolutely, unseen hand of fate inserts its key in the door and
opens it for me to be entered, slowly in that night. A door in which then I enter with my shaky but eventually I live with
certainty. LYMDK, 43
106
Similar condition is also found in “Memory Puzzled” . It tells about a lesbian character whose name is Samantha. Early in this story, the first
time she gets her first homosexual memory is when she was 5. In that time she wakes up from her nap because of a scary dream and tries to find
her mother. Through her parents’ bedroom door she gets her first early exposure to homosexuality. She sees her mother and her lover are inside
her parent’s bedroom.
104
Dan perempuan yang barusan berkata itu mendekap lantas begitu saja menciumi pipi perempuan yang menangis. Menghapus dengan lembut air mata di kulit putih perempuan terisak
itu, dengan bibirnya. Dan perempuan yang menangis itu perlahan membalasnya. Ia memangutkan bibirnya lama di bibir perempuan yang menciuminya. Isak perempuan itu terdengar semakin
tersedu. Ciuman mereka terlihat semakin bernafsu. Pemandangan itu mendesirkan sesuatu di dada kanak ku.
105
Sampai sekarang, kadang aku masih mendengar suara desah keduanya. Desah penuh nafsu di antara isak sendu yang kerap menggangu tidur malam ku
106
Tapi sekonyong, begitu saja ujung mata ku menangkap gerakan itu. Sepercik adengan yang kelak akan berpengaruh besar dalam hidup ku.
Ya, pastinya malam itu tangan takdir yang tak terlihat memasukkan kunci dan perlahan menguak pintunya untuk ku. Sebuah pintu yang kemudian ku masuki dengan gamang tapi akhirnya ku jalani
dengan kepastian.
77 I sort through my memory puzzl e pieces. I have only
two small memories of Chris, although I think she was around a lot. The first is a vague image of stout legs and
strong, big hands. I think she usually came when I had my afternoon nap because I remember the door.
I had been put down for my nap and woke from a nightmare calling for my mom, but there was no
answer. The house was strangely quiet. I came out into the hall and no one was around. My parent’s bedroom
door was closed. Fear gripped my heart and I screamed as the tears rolled down my face. My parent’s bedroom
door popped open and there was my mom.
She picked me up and hugged me against her cotton housecoat, comforting me and putting me back
to bed. That’s when I remember seeing Chris’s face. I saw her over my mother’s shoulder . She was
standing between the uprights of the doorway wearing a man’s undershirt. Her hair was in a page boy style and
her eyes were dark and moody. MP, 78
Even though she does not see homosexual scene directly, like the lesbian character sees in the previous Indonesian language short story, but from
her mother partner Chris, she finds a model which is described in the quotation above. This memory later makes her understands that her
mother is a lesbian. Her mother and Chris are lovers. Samantha’s parents get divorced when she is 8. Since then she lives
with her grandmother. Her father remarries again and she never sees him anymore. Her mother herself moves to New Mexico. Samantha also does
not meet her mother anymore and she receives no news about her until later on in life. She finds out about her when she gets her PhD, by this
time her grandmother is dying. She discloses about Samantha’s mother. She tells her that her mother is a famous artist and lives in New Mexico.
Unfortunately, when Samantha want s to meet her mother, she has already
78 died. Samantha and her partner go to her grave and find her mother’s
grave just next to Chris’. In that moment, she finally finds the truth that her mother was a lesbian just like her.
Environmental situations and cond itions where children grow up continue to play an important part in shaping their behavior and personal
character. As well as, the people who live within and around one’s life, like family and neighbors. Adults are figures that children want to
emulate. In an English language short story, “The Blush” by Renee Strider, Suss’s daughter, Rachel is a teenager. She is in love with her
friend Melani. ‘While we sat on her couch eating from TV
tables, I told my cousin the details. She didn’t doubt me for a moment. I wouldn’t say she was stunned,
exactly, but neither of us had ever given Rachel’s personal life much thought.
“I’ll never forget it, Ron. This went way beyond
just gaydar. I knew exactly what she was feeling. She deliberately let me see it.”
“She’s always adored Melanie,” Ronnie said. “It
never occurred to me that she was in love with her, though. Poor kid. I guess Melanie doesn’t feel the
same. How could we have been so blind”
“You’d have to hide it with a father like Suss. He’s not stupid. He’s certainly noticed that she’s not into
boys. Good thing she’s going away to school next year.”
“Yeah. I wonder what he saw when he looked at you like that. He must have guessed.”
I wonder,” I said. TB, 14 Moreover, Rachel might have learnt lesbian cha racteristics and
behaviors from her aunts Ronnie and Lil, her father’s younger sister and cousin. In the story, we see Rachel’s social environment revealing her
79 aunts for social interaction, and this could possibly have contributed to
Rachel’s lesbian behavior. Having lesbian models in her family life can be the main factor in affecting her sexual orientation.
6. Becoming a Lesbian to Explore and Experience New Sexual Practices
