114 their partner. Munro in her article challenges how lesbians create their own
relationship. She states that in creating their own relationship lesbians can vary a great deal. How they construct their relationships is both a reflection of the wider
heterosexual model as well as reflection of their own creativity to create relationships to avoid the monotonious. She elaborates that with few or no models
to look to, the lesbian couples actually are often freer than heterosexuals to create relationships of our own choosing rather than ones based on social conditioning
and expectations. She continues to emphasize that: “Some lesbian relationships exist outside the mainstream heterosexual model, operating on entirely different
values. They may embrace non-monogamy, be poly-amorous, live in separate homes for years, be committed to resolving their problems while staying together
for “as long as we are good together” rather than “till death do us part”, and relate to each other as equals and friends as well as lovers.”
138
c. Between Dating and Serious Lifelong Commitment in Lesbian’s Relationship
Another problem shown is about lifelong commitment in lesbian relationships.
A decision whether the lesbian couples would like to arrive in permanent or long term commitment in a relationship or keep dating are issued
becoming the centre conflict among lesbian couples. In ‘Bunga Sakura Dihati Nia’ and ‘Sebilah Pisau Roti’ conflicts arrise because one of the partners wants to
have a serious lifelong commitment while the other does not. As Munro points out: “May be some of the problems lesbian relationships face arise from not
138
Kali Munro, Lesbian Relationships: A Collection of Articles, 4-5.
115 having dated for longer periods of time”.
139
In “Bunga Sakura Dihati Nia” by Sakura, a lesbian character named An is portrayed as someone who wants to
commit a lifelong relationship with her bestfriend, Nia. An is different. After all, shes not a man. She just wants you both are committed in a relationship. She
wants to keep you Nia. BSHN, 78-79
140
She wants to have a serious commitment to and by the woman she loves. She wants to become lifelong
seumur hidup partners. Nia, I don’t want in dating relationship or something else
like that. I want to make you a partner in my life, in order to have a friend to share Nia. A partner to share your love and
affection. BSDHN, 70
141
Unfortunately, Nia, the woman she loves, does not want such serious commitment. She does not trust love because of her traumatic experiences. She
does not like to have a relationship that is little more than dating or pacaran in Bahasa Indonesia. She thinks of that dating relationship as merely a lie. She
disagrees to commit into relationship, because to her, once two people have commited, they tend to own or the possesss to her partner cannot be avoided. In
addition, it will cause the lesbian unable to advance herself with her friends and social environment, even to reach her dreams, especially, when her partner is too
possessive. She sees commited in relationship will just impede her to grow and limit her freedom. So, she prefers to stand being a single. Thus, she is not ready to
139
Kali Munro, Lesbian Relationships: A Collection of Articles, p. 1.
140
“An berbeda. Toh dia bukan laki-laki. Dia hanya ingin kalian berkomitmen. Dia ingin menjaga mu Nia”
.
141
“Nia, aku tak mau menjalani hubungan sebagai pacar atau sejenisnya. Aku ingin menjadikan kamu pasangan seumur hidup ku. Agar ada teman berbagi Nia. Teman mencurahkan semua kasih
sayang dan cinta mu.”
116 have a partner who is actually her friend. She is not a person who wants to have
any commitment in her life. I am a woman who can’t be bound Sakura, BSHN, p. 69.
... No An Im not ready. I can’t make you my girlfriend or something. You are my best friend, I can’t. Living together in
life with the feeling of love is not the main priorities. BSHN, p. 70
142
This story seems to portray that lesbians have problems concerning their commitment in a relationship. This is a problem which is not related to lesbian’s
sexual orientation. It is a critical problem that actually reflects how lesbians conduct their relationships and what kind of relationships they want to have in
their life. From the lesbian character, An, we can see what kind of relationships and life she wants to have with the woman she loves. She wants to make the
woman she loves to become her partner for the rest of her life. She wants to accompany and be accompanied by her. She wants to be with her. She wants to
protect her and take care of her. She wants to be responsible to her. She wants to share everything with her; love, affection, happiness, sadness, and face every
problem in life with her. Therefore, she wants to have a serious lifelong commitment. She wants to have a clear destination with her love. Munro in her
collection of articles about lesbian relationship, “skipping the dating part” explains the reason why some lesbians prefer to skip dating and directly decide to
have relationship; “Dating means coping with undefined situations-not knowing where you’re headed, being unsure of what you mean to each other, and possibly
142
“Aku adalah wanita yang tak bisa terikat” … “Tidak An. Aku belum siap. Aku tidak bisa menjadikan mu pacar atau apalah. Kau adalah sahabat baik ku, aku tak bisa. Dalam hidup
kebersamaan yang diikat dengan perasaan cinta bukan priyoritas utama.”
117 feeling confused. For some lesbians, that unknown territory feels out of control
and terrififying. To feel more secure, they immediately define the relationship and set clear parameters around it. But if the definition of their relationship is coming
out of fear rather than what they actually want with a particular woman, it can be a set-up for failure. And since there are so many obstacles to dating, some lesbians
stay in relationships longer than they want, precisely because they don’t want to date.”
143
The idea of two lesbian lovers having a serious commitment in their relationship is also depicted in ‘Sebilah Pisau Roti’. The two women are trapped
in a conflict, because one of them would like to have a serious commitment, while the other does not.
If Im with you, you will not allow me to get along with others. You are possessive.
Oh yeah? So, then why don’t you want us to be apart? Why should I keep this weird relationship with you? What do you
want?
I was broken heart when I know you love me But Im also broken hearted if you do not love me Why should we be in
dating? Why
is it
should always
be discussed?
I don’t want to be hypocritical, pretending not to understand. Lie to you. Not Im honest with you, I love you and want to
make love with you I am ready to bear all the risks if it hurts everyone ... or we must be apart. SPR, 92-93
144
143
Kali Munro, Lesbian Relationships: A Collection of Articles, p. 2.
144
“
Kalau aku jalan sama kamu, kamu tidak akan mengizinkan aku bergaul dengan yang lain. Kamu posesif.”
“Oh ya? Lalu mengapa kamu tidak mau kita berjarak? Kenapa aku harus tetap menjaga hubungan aneh dengan mu? Mau mu apa?”
“Aku patah hati ketika tahu kamu mencintai ku Aku juga patah hati jika kamu tidak menyayangi ku Kenapa sih kita harus jalan Memangnya pacaran harus selalu dibicarakan?”
“Aku tidak mau munafik. Pura-pura tidak mengerti. Membohongi mu. Tidak Aku jujur pada mu, aku mencintai mu. Ingin bercinta dengan mu Aku siap menanggung segala resiko jika ini
menyakiti semua orang ... atau kita berjarak.”
118 The narrator is not feeling well if her female friend just comes and goes
anytime she wants. Thus she wants to make everything clear between them. She wants them to either have a clear and serious commitment in their relationship or
to separate. She wants to have clear destination for her relationship with her friend. Being commited in a serious relationship is portrayed as bringing conflict
because not all lesbians who have emotional and sexual desire toward another woman want to commit in a relationship and to truly cope with lesbian couple
identity. As different from the Indonesian language short story, lesbians in
English language short story do not have similar perception about their lifestyle. In “True Love” by Georgia Beers, for example, a lesbian couple has been
together more than 15 years. Their age is arround forty. The narrator mentions about many lesbian couples are failure in establishing or staying and commiting
in their relationship because they do not respect their couple. “In my all years of observation, I can only come up with the one,
true thing my partner and I have for many year – gay or straight – don’t. It’s respect. It seems so simple, but it’s really quite a rare
commodity. Is it so hard to speak kindly to your partner, not to belittle him or her in front of friends or acquaintances? Why do
some people make it crystal clear that they think they’re better than their spouse?” TL, 52
In her dialogue with her spouse, this lesbian couple discusses their view about what is called true love.
“True love to me is complete compatibility. It’s the desire to be together all the time, but the security and understanding to
spend time apart.” ... I mean, I would love nothing more than to spend all my free time with you, but I also know that we need our
own space and some alone time, and I’m okay with that. It means that I’d love to spend all day on Saturday with you by my side,
119 but I’m fine with the fact that you want to go see that foreingn
film and I don’t, so you go by yourself. Or that I feel like shopping and you’d rather not, so I go to the mall alone or with a
friend, and you don’’t freak out about it.
True love means that when I have a good news, you’re the one I want to share it with first. When I have a shitty day, all I
want is a hug from you or a nap in your arms. When you’ve had a shitty day, I want to be the one to compfort you. True love means
that I am always thinking of your first and me second and that’s okay because I know that you’re thinking of me first and you
second.” I’m smilling and nodding as I watch her continue.
“True love is security. It’s not having to worry. I don’t mind when other people flirt with you. I don’t even mind if you flirt
back because I know where you’ll be that night. I know who you’re going home with, and it doesn’t bother me if someone hits
on you because that simply means that other people think my wife is as hot as I do. True love is knowing exactly where I’m
spending the rest of my life – here, by your side. Happily”. TL, 57-58
This lesbian couple seems really knows how to conduct themselves in a relationship. She narrates in the story when she is trying to compare her own
relationship and her other lesbian friends. She mentions that many couples stay together and others simply crumble and fall apart, for one reason or another they
continue to fall.
d. Social Gap and Jealousy
