51 In “Rahasia Bulan” by Clara Ng, the same term predestination or “takdir
in the Indonesian language short story is also found. They view their desire for the same sex as predestination. Diana has been married with her husband for
seven years and has a kid. She later falls in love with a woman named Estella and have been together for five years. She mentions that predestination which causes
them to fall in love and commits to this same sex relationship. “Heat waves crashing, intertwining, forcing the two women had to surrender to the call.
Destiny drags them”. RB, 37
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This story tries to deliver that emotional and sexual desire between human whether it is the same or the opposite sex is part of
destiny.
2. Becoming a Lesbian as Natural, Normal, Unchangeable and Not a Mistake
For many years in many countries, there has been a periode where homosexual people are considered abnormal and mentally disturbed as well as in
Indonesia. The spirit of lesbians’ struggle to be considered normal appear in several Indonesian language short stories; “Putus”, “Saga”, and “Sebilah Pisau
Roti”. The issue of being a lesbian is viewed as something natural and normal, thus it cannot be changed. It is found that the lesbian is portrayed as someone who
does not regard herself as abnormal or suffers from mental illness because of her homosexual desire and practice. Lesbians do not want to be considered as people
who suffer mental illness because of their homosexual desire and practice. They consider the feelings of love and desire to the same sex as natural, unlike the
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“Gelombang panas menerjang, pilin-memilin, membuat dua perempuan harus menyerah kepada panggilan itu. Takdir menyeret mereka.”
52 majority of straight people which in fact view this type of relationship as a
mistake, abnormal and immoral. In society they are considered as social illness or problem penyakit masyarakat which against the norms of society in Indonesia.
Thus, they do not want to be considered as abnormal people because of their love for the same sex. They do not want to be judged as a sinner because to them it is
pure love. The issue in these short stories is clearly proclaimed as reaction toward society in life who tends to consider lesbian as abnormal because of their sexual
orientation. As it is depicted in a dialogue “Putus” story, between Lesbian character Sarah and her brother:
“Mom and Dad do hope you become normal”. Do not press me by convicting me abnormal, brother.
Im not ill. I just fell in love with Eva. I never hurt Eva as it is done by a man to his girlfriend. I use my body to protect her.
Which mentally ill person could do that? Think about it, Bro” Sarah said while pointing her head. “But, you remain wrong. It is
a mistake before public, little sister” P, 130
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In “Sebilah Pisau Roti” by Cok Sawitri a lesbian character named Dewi the lesbian main character’s friend views her romantic feeling and sexual desires
for her girlfriend’s as a natural way of life. Dewi does not want to spend her time busy defining her sexual orientation and relationship as normal or abnormal thing.
As she narrated in the quotation below:
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“Ayah dan ibu sangat mengharapkan kamu normal. “Jangan tekan aku dengan memvonis aku abnormal, Mas.
Aku tidak sakit. Aku hanya jatuh cinta dengan Eva. Aku tidak pernah menyakitinya seperti yang dilakukan seorang laki-laki kepada pacarnya. Aku memakai tubuh ku untuk menjaga dia. Orang
sakit jiwa mana yang bisa melakukan itu? Pikir Mas” Sarah menunjuk kepalanya “Di mata khalayak kamu tetap salah, Dek.”
53 Because we are open, honest and consider such feelings are
natural. Even if sexual contacts between us happen, what can we avoid? It’s an instinct, Sis”
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SPR, 95 Through this story, still through characterization of Dewi, the author tries to
criticize the lesbians who feel that having homosexual desire is a normal or abnormal matter. In other words she wants to say: ‘stop feeling being normal and
abnormal because you love the same sex. That having homosexual desire is a fact and it is natural. And she strengthens her argument by comparing the
heterosexuals to people who come to prostitution house to do sex everyday and betraying their spouses, husband or wife which is considered normal only because
they do it to the opposite sex: Mold in your heart a civilization with new values, for this is fact.
It is human. Why should feel normal or abnormal. Could cheating, going to harlotry or having sex every day freely everyday be
considered normal because it is done in such a hetero sexual way? SPR, 95
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In two Indonesian language short stories, “Putus” and “Saga”, portray lesbian as one who cannot change her sexual orientation, although she has been
placed in Islamic Boarding Schools for years to help her change her mind. Her parents intentionally put their daughter in religious school for fear that her sexual
orientation may be considered as ill and perverted behavior. Therefore, she must be “cured” with strong religion and religious therapy. “His younger sister attends
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Karena kami terbuka, jujur, dan menganggap perasaan seperti itu wajar saja. Bahkan kalau pun terjadi hubungan seks di antara kami, apa yang bisa kami hindari? Ini naluri, Mbak
”
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Buatlah di hati mu peradaban dengan nilai baru karena ini kenyataan. Manusiawi. Untuk apa jadi merasa normal atau tidak normal. Apa yang selingkuh, ke rumah border atau ngeseks setiap
hari dengan bebas itu jadi normal karena dilakukan secara hetero?
54 school in another city, in an institution that is hoped by parents can change Sarah,
more precisely to cure her.
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P, 122. As time goes on, after spending time in the religious school, it is successful in changing Sarah’s appearance. Especially the
way she dresses, which becomes more religious. She also gains a better understanding on Islam, becoming more educated than her father. However, in
terms of changing her sexual orientation or desire, she still fails as described as follows:
“Sarah wanted to be given an opportunity to talk about herself. She wanted to say from many changes of herself, one thing
remains the same. She remains a lesbian who does not need to be healed.” P, 127
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The concept that sexual orientation cannot be changed is also an issue briefly portrayed in “Saga” by Shantined. Different from the previous story in
“Putus” where lesbian character cannot change her sexual orientation even though she has been put in a religious institution, “Saga” portrays a different case. Here,
the main character—who actually is a lesbian since the beginning—has to get married with a man even though she has no feelings, neither love nor sexual
desire towards a man. By marrying the man, she hides her sexual orientation from her parents and family. In order to make them think that she has changed into a
“normal” person—she likes and loves man, although it is a lied, as depicted in the quotation below:
...when my love relationship to Lorena was caught by my parents. And necessarily was I the number one prisoner in my hometown. I
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… adiknya bersekolah di kota lain, di sebuah lembaga yang diharapkan kedua orang tuanya bisa mengubah Sarah. Lebih tepatnya menyembuhkannya
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Sarah ingin diberi kesempatan berbicara tentang dirinya. Ia ingin mengatakan bahwa dari sekian banyak perubahan ada satu yang tetap kukuh. Dia tetaplah seorang lesbian, bukan
pesakitan yg perlu disembuhkan
55 then was secluded, not allowed to meet Lorena. How hurt my
feeling was that time. And the pain was almost faded when I knew man by man stopping by for me. I actually dully felt for them. But
in order to maintain my reputation in front of parents and relatives, I pretended as a normal woman, who adores men, even
though my heart is tied only to Lorena, ... Until Erald, the richest and the most modern handsome widower in my village; softly
forced to propose me. I just gave in. S, 85
81
The quotation above shows that there is a moment where the main character has to give up to the social expectation and family pressure when it
comes to marriage demand in life. Even though, this action totally is opposite to her personal will and sexual orientation. Thus, she actually uses it to hide her true
sexual identity. This main character finally agrees to marry a rich widower and lives in an unhappy married life for 10 years. However, an interesting issue is
pursued in this short story. After ten years living in her unhappy married life, one day she meets a woman named Aini. Soon, they fall in love and unite in romantic
relationship. “I feel ‘back home’ when I knew her a month ago. And I feel more at home when we agreed to live our days together in the bonds of affection.” S,
84
82
In this short story, the lesbian character clearly describes her feelings openly. She gets her happiness back by fulfilling her desire for a woman,
something which she repressed for 10 years. “My happiness is erupting again, as
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“… ketika hubungan cinta ku pada Lorena ketahuan oleh orangtua. Dan serta merta jadi pesakitan nomor satu di kampung ku. Aku lalu dipingit, tak diperbolehkan bertemu dengan
Lorena. Betapa sakit perasaan ku saat itu. Dan sakit itu hampir pudar ketika ku kenal lelaki demi lelaki yang singgah menghampiri ku. Aku hampa rasa pada mereka sebenarnya. Tapi demi
menjaga reputasi di depan orang tua dan sanak keluarga, aku tampil seolah perempuan normal, yang memuja lelaki, meski hati ku tertambat hanya pada Lorena,… Hingga Erald, duda ganteng
paling parlente dan modern di kampung ku secara setengah memaksa meminang ku. Aku menyerah saja.”
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Aku merasa “pulang” ketika mengenalnya sebulan yang lalu. Dan merasa semakin pulang ketika kami sepakat menjalani hari-hari kami bersama dalam ikatan kasih sayang.
56 well as the sense of freedom, free from any press of sorrow.” S, 81
83
She finally feels that she has found her real own world again. In other words, for 10 years,
she feels wounded and absolutely unhappy to life in her heterosexual marriage, because she becomes someone else. As she narrates below:
There is a sense of independence in my heart. After so long being shackled by Erald ... Saga, the world of my story, now
the wanderer again eventually. For the sake of a wounded soul. S, 88-89.
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The same situation is also experienced by lesbian character in an English story entitled “Serious” by Lorenza Marteli:
Now, sitting across from me was a beautiful woman, a real, honest to God, beautiful WASP of a woman. Blond hair, blue
eyes, champagne glass tits, round ass, gorgeous lips. And after years in the desert, years away from an oasis, I just had to
proposition her. Now, I am not the prepositions type. But, fortunately, sometimes, the groin rules over the head. S, 109
The expression “after years in the desert, years away from an oasis” reveals that this lesbian character does not live her own life nor to become who
truly she is. Everyday, for many years, she lives behind a mask, pretends to be somebody else, and to feel “okay” with that. But, it is only a lied. She has to live
by hiding the truth that she loves women, that she needs a woman emotionally and sexually.
The short stories above clearly address the issue that sexual orientation cannot be changed. It can be seen through the lesbian characters in “Putus”,
“Saga” and “Serious”. From these short stories, it can be concluded that lesbian
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Meletup lagi rasa bahagia ku, sekaligus perasaan merdeka, terbebas dari segala impitan duka.
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“…Ada rasa merdeka dihati ku. Setelah sekian lama dibelenggu oleh Erald… Saga, dunia kisah ku, kini kembara lagi akhirnya. Demi jiwa ku yang luka.
57 sexual repression, which is curtailed by religious doctrine and marriage bond, is
unable to change ones sexual orientation. Forcing lesbians to marry with a man is not going to change their sexual orientation. Perhaps marriage or religious
doctrine is capable of repressing lesbians’ feelings or sexual desire toward the same sex for a certain period of time. But, it is not successful at removing,
eliminating, or changing lesbians into heterosexuals. The concept of sexual orientation as something natural and issue which is
unable to be changed in the short stories above is not in line with one of the Queer theorists, Judith Butler. Butler sees gender and sexuality as something that is
never essential, always unfixed, not innate, and never natural. She says that it is constructed through performativity – as a “stylized repetition of acts”.
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As portrayed in the short stories earlier, the way lesbian views their sexual orientation
gives another idea that sexual orientation is part of human life which comes naturally, essential and basic thing that unable to be changed. Through the lesbian
characters, the author tries to challenge the concept set by queer theorists who question the traditional belief of sexual construction that sexuality is a given,
natural, essential, immutable, fix, and permanent. Queer is a criticism whether sexual orientation is natural or essential to person. However, both Indonesian and
English language story promote the same traditional concept of sexuality as natural and immutable. Therefore, no matter how hard people try to ‘cure’ the
lesbian characters in order to change their sexual orientation into heterosexual, either through religious doctrine or marriage bond, it will not be successful.
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Judith Butler, Gender Trouble, London: Routledge, 1990, p. 141.
58
3. Being a Lesbian is Viewed as Forbidden Love Cinta Terlarang and
