LESBIANS’ PORTRAYAL IN INDONESIAN LESBIAN’S EXPERIENCES:

xii

CHAPTER III LESBIANS’ PORTRAYAL IN INDONESIAN

AND ENGLISH LANGUAGE SHORT STORIES 47 A. The Ways Lesbians Perceive and Define Their Feeling, Sexual Orientation and Relationship 48 1. Becoming a Lesbian as Something Predestined 49 2. Becoming a Lesbian as Natural, Normal, Unchangeable and Not a Mistake 51 3. Being a Lesbian is Viewed as Forbidden Love Cinta Terlarang and Sin 58 4. Being a Lesbian is Being Different 60 B. The Root of Herstory in Becoming a Lesbian 62 1. Becoming a Lesbian as a Choice 62 2. Becoming a Lesbian Purely because of Spontaneous or Accidental Feelings 67

3. Becoming a Lesbian as a Result of Long Term Interaction

72 4. Becoming a Lesbian because of Early Exposure to Homosexuality and Environmental Factor 75 5. Becoming a Lesbian to Explore and Experience New Sexual Practices 79 6. Becoming a Lesbian because of Unhappy and Unharmonious Marriage Life 81

CHAPTER IV LESBIAN’S EXPERIENCES:

CONFLICTS AND DISCRIMINATIONS 94 A. Lesbian’s Internal Conflicts 94

1. Feeling Confused with Her Own Feelings and Sexual Orientation

95 2. No Courage to Disclose Her Feelings 99 3. Happy but Guilty 102 B. Lesbian’s External Conflicts 104 1. The Problems Between a Lesbian and Her Partner 105 a. A Very Busy Partner 105 b. Butch and Femme Gender Role among Lesbians and Their Partners 111

c. Between Dating and Serious Lifelong Commitment in Lesbian’s Relationship

114 d. Social Gap and Jealousy 119 2. The Steps Taken by Lesbians to Overcome Problems Due to Their Sexual Orientation and Relationship 124 xiii a. “Coming Out” or “In the Closet”? 124 b. Pretending to Love Man and Getting Married Heterosexually 131 c. Lesbian vs Heterosexual Marriage: Bisexual Not Merely the Answer 135 3. Lesbian and Family: Solutions Taken by the Family to Overcome Lesbian’s Sexual Orientation and Relationship 145 a. Separating the Lesbian and Her Partner 148 b. “Cure” the Lesbian in Religious Institution 149 c. Forcing to Marry a Man 150 d. “Cure” Lesbian by Doing Corrective Rape 151 C. Lesbian vs Social Environment 156 1 Being Treated Badly or Unfriendly 157 2 Lack of Legal Responsibility and Legitimate Rights for Each Other 160

D. Lesbian vs Religion: Being Attacked or Discriminated Based on Religion and Holy Books

162 E. Lesbian vs Country and Legal Law Protection: How Lesbians are Treated before Law 180

CHAPTER V CONCLUSION