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b. Butch and Femme Gender Role among Lesbians and Their Partners
In one of the Indonesian language short stories, “Gak Penting Banget, Gitu Loch” the lesbian character tries to criticize the division of gender roles between
masculine butch and feminine femme roles in lesbian couple relationship. Butch is an overtly or stereotypically masculine or masculine woman. The term,
can be used to denote an individual, or the dominant role in a lesbian relationship.
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Femme is a traditionally feminine woman. The term is mainly used to refer to a feminine lesbian, and especially a feminine lesbian who is
attracted to masculine, or butch lesbians.
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As depicted in this story, these roles often position their partners; especially the femme in an inferior position and the
butch in a superior one. This division of roles seems to be uncomfortable for couples because they femme are oppressed. These masculine and feminine roles
often lead to conflicts between lesbian couple. Because the butch has a role as a husband like in a heterosexual marriage she assumes a superior position. This
means she butch has the authority to make decisions in the relationship, to be the breadwinner and tends to be served by the femme. Thus, the division of roles in
the relationship between Butch and Femme in lesbians’ everyday life are often positions where one of the partners is oppressed. As Munro finds that many
lesbian couples often use the straight men as the only role models in their
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www.urbandictionary.com
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www.urbandictionary.com
112 relationship. Thus, it is easy to find or listen that there are definitely lesbians who
do not treat women or their partner respectfully.
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A dialogue shown below between a lesbian and her lesbian friend who calls herself butch is clearly configured by this issue. Joan the butch calls her friend
to meet in a café. She wants to tell her about the conflict she has with her partner. She wants to break up with her partner. The butch, Joan is portrayed as someone
who dominates her femme partner just like a man and puts her partner in an inferior position. She always expects to be served. The conflict is set in the
morning. The butch character wants her partner to make her a cup of coffee, instead of making her this coffee, her partner gets angry with her. She is annoyed
because her butch partner always asks her to serve her. She is also required to be responsible for the household because she is femme. Thus, she is mad at Joan.
Oh, come on ... Just because of coffee. Well, It will be freshanyway, if I wake up in the morning and ask my wife to
make me a cup of coffee? Uh, instead of making it, Jenny even got angry. Said Joan.
What? Wife? Wake up, girl You both are girls. Anyway why can’t you make it by yourself? Why should ask her to
serve it for you? You don’t need to ask Jenny only for a cup of coffee, huh” I protest
Oh, of course, why not? It’s natural if I command her to make it. Because I am butch and she is a femme, you know
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GPBGL, 92 Assuming roles as butch and femme is depicted as something which can
bring lesbian couples into conflict. The butch in this story tends to dominate her
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Kali Munro, Lesbian Relationships: A Collection of Articles, p.1.
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“Begini nih… Cuma gara-gara kopi. Khan seger dong bangun pagi minta dibikinin kopi ma bini sendiri. Eh, Jenny malah marah-marah”.
“Bini? Plis deh. Lu berdua sama-sama cewek”. Lagian lu bikin kopi sendiri kenapa? Pake nyuruh Jenny segala”
“Gue butch gitu lho. Wajar dong gue minta dibikinin kopi karena dia tuh Femme”
113 relationship. It seems she has notions about her relationship that are akin to
conventional heterosexual marriages. Patriarchal ideology is still apparent in this relation. Thus, the narrator calls herself ‘No Label’. She does not call herself
butch or femme. ‘I would prefer to stand ‘No Label’ among my other lesbian friends because I want equality’ GPBGL, p. 93
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. For this reason, she advises her butch friend to treat her partner with equality.
Look here Joan Your partner is not your maid. In any kind of relation we need to have equality. Well, it is okay if you consider
yourself as man, but come on No need to dominate, huh. ... I am anti-oppression, man Im not a great oppressor as you are. You
see You still command your girlfriend to make coffee and pudding and if she doesn’t want to, it makes you get angry to her.
Now, it’s the equality era, my friend .. GPBGL, 93
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No matter how she considers herself, butch or femme, this character promotes equal treatment and sharing of responsibilities. She must treat her
partner with equality, not like a maid. The gender role or the strict conventional heterosexual model in this lesbian relationship is portrayed become the main
conflict for the lesbian couple in this story. So, the process of being a lesbian, accept her condition, disclose her feeling toward the woman she loves and to live
with its identity is not stop only upto this step. The next crucial issue to be questioned is that what kind of life, models or interactions these lesbian couples
want to conduct in their relationship. What kind of life they want to have with
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Pembagian peran dalam relasi antara Butch dan Femme dalam keseharian lesbian sering memposisikan seseorang dalam posisi terjajah. Aku lebih memilih untuk berposisi No Label
diantara teman-teman lain karena ku menginginkan kesetaraan
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Dalam relasi tuh pake yang namanya kesetaraan…Boleh aja lu anggep diri lu cowok. Tapi jangan mendominasi dong.” …Jelas dong, gue anti penindasan gitu loch. Gue bukan elu yang
penindas abis. Hari gene masih nyuruh pacar bikinin kopi ama puding. Sekarang jamannya kesetaraan pren..
114 their partner. Munro in her article challenges how lesbians create their own
relationship. She states that in creating their own relationship lesbians can vary a great deal. How they construct their relationships is both a reflection of the wider
heterosexual model as well as reflection of their own creativity to create relationships to avoid the monotonious. She elaborates that with few or no models
to look to, the lesbian couples actually are often freer than heterosexuals to create relationships of our own choosing rather than ones based on social conditioning
and expectations. She continues to emphasize that: “Some lesbian relationships exist outside the mainstream heterosexual model, operating on entirely different
values. They may embrace non-monogamy, be poly-amorous, live in separate homes for years, be committed to resolving their problems while staying together
for “as long as we are good together” rather than “till death do us part”, and relate to each other as equals and friends as well as lovers.”
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c. Between Dating and Serious Lifelong Commitment in Lesbian’s Relationship
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