135 These two Indonesian language short stories portray the decision of being
married heterosexually to cover their true sexual orientation is more because of family pressure and the social demand or social standard of life. As explained by
Beollstroff that “...when gay men and lesbi women speak about the imperative to marry, they emphasize parental pressure. Parents’ hopes that their children marry
reflect not just nationalist discourse but ethnolocalized beliefs about kinship.
159
” Therefore, the parents’ expectation about marriage incorporates understandings of
marriage as social duty. This imperative of marriage at the end forces lesbian to deal with heterosexual marriage and bisexual relationship even though they are
eventually a lesbian.
c. Lesbian vs Heterosexual Marriage: Bisexual Not Merely the Answer
In this part, I would like to discuss about the correlation between lesbian and bisexuality. This discussion pursued in this part is based on my finding in
the stories. There are some stories that pursue this issue. In many countries, governments have come up with policies governing families, especially about
the issue of marriage. For example, the family policy of the Indonesian authorities dictates social and religion pressure to emphasize heterosexual
marriage making homosexuality generally not supported. However, many married men and women also maintain the same-sex relationships. As Kali
Munro explained in the following excerpt:
dekapan orang lain? Pedih memang. Namun itu adalah konsekuensi pilihan ku. Membutakan mata dan telinga, terlebih hati ku.
159
Tom Beolstroff, The Gay Archipelago: Sexuality and Nation in Indonesia, p. 117.
136 “Many people think that there are two narrowly defined
sexual orientations for women -- lesbian and straight -- and that women fall neatly into one or the other category for the rest of
their lives or at least once theyve come out. Deviations from these categories upset a lot of people, including both those who
support and those opposed to lesbian sexuality. In response, a third category is introduced: bisexuality.
There is a tendency to view bisexuality as fitting anyone who doesnt neatly fit into the other two; kind of like a dumping
ground rather than a viable alternative in its own right. But even this third category hasnt resolved the issue because it would
mean, for example, grouping women who form all of their emotional and sexual relationships with women and occasionally
have sex with men into the same category as women who form all of their emotional and sexual relationships with men and
occasionally have sex with women.”
160
In “Saga”, a lesbian character is portrayed at the beginning as being only a lesbian. Because of family and social pressure, she has to marry a heterosexual
man. It is certainly causes her to hide and repress her true feelings and deny her needs as a lesbian. Unfortunately, this lesbian gets a cruel husband. She does not
have happiness living with him. Erald, human abuser, is a very jealousy man. He is very angry
if I have chat with any man on phone. Besides I have no interest, once again, I do not want to be burned alive by him if he finds
me cheating. Ah, I wonder why I am very frightened by his threats. Meanwhile, he shows me up the woman panties left in
his car seat calmly. I just stroked my chest. Not feeling any jealous and angry... Ive been ambiguous. His goddam
behaviour, I care nothing. S.87
161
160
Kali Munro, Lesbian Relationships: A Collection of Articles, pp. 23-24.
161
“Erald, manusia penyiksa itu sangat pecemburu. Akan sangat marah jika aku ngobrol di telpon dengan lelaki mana pun. Selain tak tertarik, sekali lagi, aku tak ingin dibakar hidup-hidup oleh
Erald jika ketahuan berselingkuh. Ah, aku heran juga mengapa sangat ketakutan dengan ancaman itu. Sementara, Erald dengan cueknya menunjukkan celana dalam wanita yang ketinggalan di jok
mobilnya. Aku hanya mengelus dada saja waktu itu. Tak cemburu dan tak marah saja… aku sudah ambigu.”
137 After 10 years of living in her marriage, she finds a woman and they love
each other. However, she cannot leave her husband. Thus, it traps her into a bisexual relationship. Because at the same time she has a sexual relationship
with this woman whom she loves, yet at the same time continues to serve her husband sexually. She fulfills duty as a wife though she does not have any
emotional or romantic feelings to him. In the “Eyes of March” the same situation is portrayed where a lesbian
character denies her homosexual feelings or desire. She gets married with a rich and noble man because of her parents demand on this union. Finally, she realizes
that she is a lesbian, but she cannot leave her husband to live only with the woman she loves;
I knew Leah was between a rock and a hard place, and honestly, I felt that it was my fault for putting her there.
But Leah always contradicted me, saying that I just opened her eyes to a truth she’d been denying for a long
time. TEOM, 67
This situation automatically traps this lesbian into a bisexual relationship. She cannot avoid being involved in this bisexual relationship because of her marital
status. She is especially afraid of the risks that will happen in her life if her family and her husband’s family find out about her homosexual relationship.
Leah said often that she wished she could just leave Graham, but she knew what her family would do if she
did. Her family and her husband’s family would make her life a living hell if she tried to leave or divorce. And if they
found out about me—hoo boy, it would certainly be worse than hell…
I didn’t blame Leah for the situation we found ourselves in. As I said, it all just happened, so I never pushed her or
138 made any demands on her. I’d never suggested she leave
her husband and never insisted that she make a choice between her family or me TEOM, 65-67
In “Serious” by Lorenza Martelli, we can see one of the woman characters playing a bisexual character. The woman with whom she is in love with is a
lesbian. “I don’t want this to affect our friendship, but as a bisexual woman, I find you very attractive.” It is told by a Greek woman that the main character met.
They fall for each other and make love but the Greek woman leaves her since she is a bisexual. “I was gay, but she was only bisexual, and she left me for a man
within six months.” Then the lesbian character needs a Jewish man and people say that Jewish men make the best husband. He is a social worker and again people
say social workers make best listeners. Based on others opinion, she decides that he could be a good husband and father and finally married him. However, what
she thought is different to the way he really is. Her married life in fact is not as beautiful as in her dreams. This marriage finally ends up in divorce. Her husband
was unable to hold a job. He could not fulfill the family needs, such as, paying bills and the needs for their children. And then their mothers died. She is forced to
work hard to fulfill her family needs; she pays the bills, as well as, take care of the children’s needs. S, 108 She describes her husband as a person who has
predilection for pornographic female bodybuilders and compulsive masturbation. He is also portrayed as an irresponsible father who only cares about himself. As
described in the following paragraph: Living with daddy would be like being orphaned anyway
because he never gets out of bed until practically evening. He never gets them to school on time or takes care of them in any
139 meaningful way. He never buys them clothes or takes them to
the dentist. S, 109 After having divorce, she actually wants to try her luck again with a man.
She thought about remarrying, for the sake of the kids. However, she decides to do something else. She drinks alcohol a lot to forget her sorrow. “I decide liquor
would probably benefit me more than remarriage, so I got good and drunk.” S, 109 Until one night, she falls for another beautiful woman who actually also
experiences the same sorrowful marriage life. In this story, the main character falls for both men and women because she needs love and a settled life. According to
the story, she does not get all these things form her husband, hence she divorces him. She then falls for a woman, whom she describes in this quotation as below:
“She was a wonderful lover, the kind of lover who knows where you’re going before you even do. She took me to the highest
states of passion I had ever known. I was told I impressed her equally.” S, 109
That woman told her “I am married and even though it’s not a sexual marriage, it’s still a marriage.” S: 109. Thought the lesbian partner is portrayed
having an unhappy married life, in this story it clearly depicts that she was a lesbian before her married with her husband. One night after their meeting, she
invites her to come to her apartment. That is their first night to be together as a lover. As it is shown in this illustration: “I asked her if this was her first time. I
didn’t want to take her across a line she was unprepared to cross. But I realized that she had had others before me. I realized she was experienced.” S, 109
Bitter marriages indeed can cause a lesbian to be involved in a homosexual and heterosexual relationship at the same time. Because lesbians also consider
140 respect as a reason, that is why they should have these two worlds and not to leave
her husband totally. It is narrated in the story: “She thinks we must respect everyone, even old Ted, her asexual husband.” Lorenza Marteli, S: p. 109. The
same situation where a lesbian has to face these two worlds because of respecting her nuclear family is found in “Ketika Langit Senja”. Ken, the lesbian character
has to let her partner Rani to get married to a man named Yudi. Rani’s parent wants her to get married. Although they have been together for 5 years, since they
were in college they cannot disclose their relationship out of respect for their parents.
Im engaged ... What?
“Mas Yudi’s parents have already set a wedding date, two months in front. ...
It is not too late if you want us to fight for everything? Or, do you want us to keep continue sneaking around like
this?”
162
Lesbians are portrayed as someone who sometimes has to give up to the situation and existing systems which are rooted in society because same-sex love
cannot be accepted. For instance, by allowing her partner to marry a man, the most important she is still able to interact with her lesbian lover. This illustration
shows how difficult to live as a lesbian is, as someone who cannot do anything when dealing with the society system. However, from here another picture is also
162
“Aku sudah bertunangan” ... ‘Apa?’
‘Orang tua Mas Yudi sudah menetapkan tanggal pernikahan, dua bulan lagi.” ... ‘Masih belum terlambat jika kau ingin kita memperjuangkan segalanya?”
‘Apa kau ingin kita sembunyi-sembunyi seperti ini terus?’
141 seen that the lesbian will do everything to maintain her love relationship with the
woman she loves. A different type of husband is presented in “Hari Ini Esok dan Kemarin”.
In this story a wife who later becomes a lesbian is portrayed has having a good and patient husband, not like the husbands in previous stories. This marriage does
not have crucial problem. However, the wife is portrayed as having empty feelings inside herself. She feels bored with her married life which is so
monotonous, especially because they cannot have children. Until one day she meets a beautiful lady and soon they fall in love. She actually wants to confess to
her husband about her relationship with that lady and desires to leave him because she considers her homosexual relationship as betraying him. Yet she cannot do
that because she feels pity of him. Consequently, she keeps hiding the truth and continues to having two relationships with her husband and the lady.
What can be understood from this story is that a woman or a lesbian who marries heterosexually does not mean she is bisexual, because she is having both
homosexual and heterosexual relationships. We cannot simply categorize her as a bisexual because of her heterosexual marriage, because emotionally and
romantically she is only or also attracted to a woman. Thus, according to Tyson’s definition on lesbian, it is better to view lesbian as a woman whose sexual desire
is directed to toward women. Because, this definition allows us to recognize lesbian existence, even within the confines of heterosexual marriage. She further
explaines that: “throughout history, women often have had to marry, whether they wanted or not, in order to survive economically or because the rigid social system
142 in which they lived offered them no other social or psychological option”.
163
As she continues to inform that some of these women, were passionately attracted to
women rather than to men, though they might also love and respect their husbands. As it is depicted in two Indonesian language short stories “Rahasia
Bulan” and “Dua Perempuan Dengan Hp-nya”. In “Rahasia Bulan”, the wife character, Diana later falls in love with a
woman and has a relationship with her. Her marriage life is depicted as a happy married which is completed with the presence of a daughter, with a very kind and
rich husband. This marriage is depicted as the perfect married life as it is narrated in the quotation below:
Diana glanced at her husband who has been married her for seven years ... is she happy in her marriage? Sure, she is very
happy. One hundred percent, no discount. No excuse. RB, 38
Dianas husband is a partner in the law office. His salary is over fifty million per a month, driving a newest Toyota Land Cruiser,
and has simple casual look. His life is so straight and peaceful. He has a gold heart and so sincere. He is forty years old. He
does not like clubbing, kissing arround with other women, drinking alkohol, let alone drugs. As much as possible he is
always hanging out at home. Children and wife are the third who get his attention after the television and a cup of coffee.
Estella said “There is no other man like him. I swear you”. Indeed, Diana is a very lucky woman for having such husband.
RB, 36
164
163
Lois Tyson, Critical Theory Today, p. 324.
164
Diana melirik suaminya yang telah dinikahinya selama tujuh tahun… Bahagiakah Diana dalam perkawinannya? Tentu, dia sangat bahagia. Seratus persen. Tidak ada potongan diskon. No
excuse. Suami Diana adalah salah satu partner di kantor pengacara. Bergaji di atas lima puluh juta per
bulan, mengendarai Toyota Land Cruiser keluaran teranyar, dan berpenampilan santai sederhana. Hidupnya lurus-lurus saja. Berhati emas. Berjiwa tulus. Berusia empat puluh tahun.
Tidak suka dugem, main cewek, minum-minum, apalagi narkoba. Sebisa mungkin selalu nongkrong di rumah. Anak istri mendapat perhatian nomor ketiga setelah televisi dan secangkir
kopi. Tidak ada lelaki lain yang seperti dia. Sumpah. Kata Estella, Diana memang perempuan yang sangat beruntung.
143 The quotations show that this woman has a happy marriage life because
she has a good husband. However, this woman cannot avoid herself from loving other women. Though she does not have problems with her husband as it happens
in other stories, yet she still emotionally, romantically and sexually attracted to women. Diana who after 2 years married with her husband meets a woman named
Estella. They fall in love and soon are in a relationship. Since her meeting with Estella Diana automatically practices dual sexual interactions, with her husband
and with her woman. Perhaps she can be categorized turns becoming a bisexual woman. We understand this because she firstly has her happy heterosexual
marriage for 7 years and her homosexual relationship with Estella for 5 years. It is depicted that Diana loves both her husband and Estella.
I love you very much. I love you very much, too.
The sentences were dripping out of the bottom chamber of their hearts. Is there a trail of lies? Diana closes her eyes. No. She said
it wholeheartedly. No lies. No secret as she has been doing these over the past five years. To Estella. Only to her Estella. RB, 37
Her husband ... suddenly whispered in her ear, Honey, I miss you. Diana blinked her eyes, she absolutely understands the
meaning of those words. She smiled to her husband…So that night they made love. Amid the sound of sheets, they expressed
their feelings. Wholeheartedly. Deep soul. No lies. No secret. I love you
I love you, too RB, 39
165 165
I love you very much.” I love you very much, too.”
Kalimat-kalimat itu menetes keluar dari lubuk hati yang terdalam. Apakah terasa ada jejak kebohongan? Diana menutup mata. Tidak. Dia mengucapkannya sepenuh hati. Tidak ada
kebohongan. Tidak ada rahasia. Seperti yang telah dia lakukan selama lima tahun belakangan ini. Kepada Estella. Hanya kepada Estella-nya.
… tiba-tiba suaminya berbisik di telinga istrinya, “Yang, kangen nih”. Diana mengerjapkan mata, mengerti arti ucapan itu. Dia balas tersenyum penuh arti…
Maka malam itu mereka pun bercinta. … Di tengah gemirisk suara seprai, mereka saling mengungkapkan rasa. Sepenuh hati. Sedalam jiwa. Tidak ada kebohongan. Tidak ada rahasia.
“ I love you”
144 In “Dua Perempuan Dengan HP-nya” Sandra, the wife, is depicted also has
a good husband. This couple also has children. She loves her husband, but at the same time also loves Susan.
Iyem? Tell to my husband I will be late to return home. There must be traffic jams and I have so many things to do. ...
DPDHP, 26 Honey, I am sorry you have to eat your meal alone this time, I
am so busy now. Do not drop in-drop by. Please watch Blackie and Puss, and accompany the kids eating, ok? I love you .
DPDHP, 30
166
These two stories seem to show the fluidity of woman sexuality that everybody has potential or possibility to be invovled in double sexual practices,
thus they can be identified as lesbian and or as bisexual. There is an impression deliver through these stories that perhaps everyone has homosexual desires inside
themselves. No matter how long that person has been in heterosexual relationship or marriage, they still have the potential to become a homosexual or even a
bisexual. Therefore, Munro suggests that since our sexuality is not simple, it might be more helpful to view women sexuality as a continuum of different
sexual desires and behaviours. As she argues that: “Many lesbians and others, too would prefer the simplicity of saying a lesbian is one thing and one thing
only, but it just doesn’t reflect the sexual desires and behavior of all lesbians, and
“I love you, too”
166
“Iyem? Nanti kalau Tuan pulang bilang saya terlambat sampai rumah. Jalanan pasti macet dan saya banyak urusan…
“Makan sendiri, ya? Jangan mampir-mampir. Tolong lihat Si Blackie sama Si Puss, dan temanilah anak-anak makan ya? I love you”.
145 we don’t resolve anything by saying that lesbians who sleep with men aren’t
“real” lesbians.”
167
The complexity of woman sexuality in the stories discussed above reflects that we can not simply categorize the lesbian characters who have involved in
heterosexual and homosexual relationship as bisexual. It is a challenge to actually understand their feelings, sexual desires and behaviours without having to
categorize them within a fix and narrow clasification. Because in terms of lesbian as identity is not limited only to the sexual domain. It deals with entire women’s
experience, such as, their past history, traumatic memory, feelings, emotional energy or bond, phsycological need and support as well as companionship.
3. Lesbian and Family: Solutions Taken by the Family to Overcome Lesbian’s Sexual Orientation and Relationship
There are
some different
reactions shown
by the
lesbian characters‘families, especially their parents when their child’s sexual orientation
is disclosed. In four Indonesian language short stories, “Lesbi”, “Bilik Religius”, “Putus” and “Un Soir Paris”, the parents are shown of getting shocked, angry, and
finally living in denial about their daughters’ sexual orientation. These reactions are understandable since in Indonesia homosexuality is considered taboo. The
parents in these stories feel distressed, sad and ashamed. They normally search for a quick solution to “cure” their daughters because for them it is a serious illness.
They directly consider it as an illness and a sin. Therefore, several solutions are taken by them to overcome this problem, such as, separating the lesbian couple in
167
Kali Munro, Lesbian Relationships: A Collection of Articles, p. 24.
146 different cities or even countries, placing them in religious dormitories, or forcing
them to get married, and the most extremely is by sending a man to rape her. Finding the truth about their daughter’s sexual orientation often brings
conflicts within the family. In some of the Indonesian language short stories the parents are portrayed as reacting negatively when they find out their daughters
homosexual orientation. They usually cannot accept this fact, which destroy the family harmony and changes the way they treat their daughter. The portrayal of
lesbians and their families especially of parents in the Indonesian language short stories show different portrayals of family life before and after the daughter’s
coming out. Before they know about their daughters’ sexual orientation, the family’s relationships are portrayed to be very happy and harmonious. After they
know the truth, everything changes. The children-parents relationship changes and becomes a cold hence a impersonal relationship.
In “Bilik Religious”, the family life changes drastically when Dila’s parent and brothers find out about her sexual orientation. The family used to live
in harmony but now this has turned into a disaster. The family members are shocked and deny this fact.
“At first, they do not believe their daughter’s sexual orientation. Until that night, the home which used to be lived by
the warmth of family love suddenly changed into a cold freezing place for Dila.” BR, 33
168
They do not believe that Dila could be in love with someone from the same sex. They do not believe it because, as it is portrayed in the story, she is a calm girl
168
Mereka tidak mempercayai orientasi yang dimiliki putri mereka. Hingga malam itu, rumah yang selama ini dihidupkan kehangatan kasih sayang keluarga tiba-tiba berubah membeku bagi
Dila.
147 who always obeys her parents. She is also so diligent in her prayers and worship,
especially because she wears veil. According to her family, it is impossible for such thing to happen to their daughter and sister.
The same situation is also found in “Lesbi”, Tommy F. Awuy’s story. From the day of Gesti’s coming out, the house is steeped in an unpleasant
atmosphere. Gesti has no choice except disclosing her sexual orientation. She cannot keep hiding her sexual orientation, because her parents, especially her
father continue to corner her by telling her that it is a time for her to marry a man. Since that day, the family relationships are tenuous.
It began after I come out my mom and dad, “I’m lesbian”. Dad was shocked and totally disappointed. He could not accept the
truth that I am gay. I am his only child. He surely has many expectations on me especially for his next heredity… From that
moment, the relationship between these child and parents become wide apart. And the house situation seems covered by
the dark cloud L, www.sepocikopi.com
169
Even though Mirna Gesti’s mother still tries to love her daughter as usual, Gesti’s response is always stiff and cold. Arnold cannot accept that his
daughter is a homosexual and blames Mirna with carrying the bad hereditary genetic matter since his own family does not show any signs of abnormality.
Mirna occasionally argues by using the same argument as her husband. The family’s condition is portrayed as growing cold and no longer happy as it was
before.
169
“Awalnya sejak saya memberitahu bahwa saya lesbi. Ayah kaget dan kecewa sekali. Ia tidak bisa menerima kenyataan. Saya anak satu-satunya. Dia tentu berharap banyak
dari saya terutama soal keturunan.”… Mulai hari itu suasana rumah selalu murung. Hubungan antara ketiganya menjadi
renggang
148
a. Separating the Lesbian and Her Partner
