99 short stories who openly accepts her condition. She does not experience such
feelings or dilemmas, as lesbians in the Indonesian language short stories face. However, there is a similar situation depicted in both Indonesian and English
language short stories. It is an issue about whether the lesbians are ready or not to become and live as lesbians. Despite the fact that they have different ways of
reacting to their own feelings, still they are not ready to become and live as lesbians.
2. No Courage to Disclose Her Feelings
Another possible problem faced by lesbians is depicted in an English language short story ‘The Women’s Pool’. In this story, the problem is about
being insecure about discloseing her feelings towards another woman. This story portrays the lesbian characters that do not have the courage to disclose their
feelings towards the women they are in love with. Actually, this is about two lesbians who admire each other. The first is 45 years old and has been lonely for
three years after breaking up with her previous partner. Every weekend she goes to the women’s pool and always sees a 17 year old girl. She falls in love with her.
However, this 45 year old lesbian is not confident enough to tell that young girl about her feelings. She therefore secretly loves that young girl. As seen in the
quotation below: “I hate myself for going to the pool just to watch a kid. She
must be only sixteen, Seventeen, at the most eighteen. If only I had the courage to talk to her. “ … TWP, 23.
The older woman is afraid of revealing her feelings because of her age difference with the young person that she admires. She is reluctant because she is not sure if
100 that young girl will accept her with her age. Thus, she thinks perhaps that girl
will not want to have a romantic relationship with an old woman like herself. This internal conflict is illustrated in a paragraph below, where the narrator is
talking to herself: She’s here. I should wave at her. But if I do she may decide to
come and talk to me, and if she comes closer she’ll notice my age. If she knew I was forty-five, she wouldn’t be looking at
me. I bet she’s short-sighted and hasn’t noticed my grey strands of hair. I’d love to caress her all over. How silly of me
to fantasize about making love to such a young woman? TWP, 24
Similar to the old character, the 17 year old young lesbian is also facing the same internal conflict. She secretly admires that 45 years old woman, but she has no
courage to disclose her feelings to her too. This old lesbian is the one whom she always sees every weekend in the pool. Actually, she has the impression that the
old woman loves her but she is not sure. She is busy in questing herself about that woman:
“What if she loves me too? She looks at me as much as I look at her. I wish I had the courage to talk her. There she is Her
green costume matches the green grass patch. She’s looking to see if I am here”. TWP, 23
As it is depicted in the story, the young lesbian is afraid to disclose her feelings because she thinks a mature and successful woman like that old woman
will not be interested in and love a young immature girl like her. It is illustrated in her words when she has an intra-personal communication dialogue: “She
keeps looking at me. I smile... I feel stupid... Silly smile in a pimpled face… Why would a sophisticated, mature woman like her want to be with me?
101 Pimples… Fat… Insecure… Shy.” TWP, 25. Although the older lesbian is not
confident because of the age gap, this young lesbian actually likes the older woman. She says: “Maybe my mother didn’t give me enough love, that’s why I
like older women”. TWP, 24. From these two lesbian characters can be seen that the internal conflict is the issue of whether they are attractive and desirable
by others. A further internal conflict portrayed in this story is the way they feel
depending on how people judge a young and old couple, especially for lesbian couple. The forty-five year-old lesbian questions the way people react to her if
she had a younger partner. “Why do men have affairs with young girls and no
one cares? What would my middle-aged friends say if I walked into their houses with a kid hanging from my arm,
one who is even younger than my son? I can hear them: ‘Cradle snatcher Cradle snatcher Cradle snatcher’
‘Look at that old woman with the young girl.’ ‘She probably has money and the kid is with her
because of it.’ ‘May be she is her daughter.’
‘In ten years time she’ll look like the young woman’s grandmother.’
‘What a ridiculous mismatch.’ ‘Some women near the menopause go a bit funny.’
TWP, 24
The way she questions herself above portrays the conflict faced by lesbians is not only related to her own internal conflict but sometimes outside factors.
Outside factors like the way people judge and react to this kind of couple create conflict in the lesbian herself in deciding if to start the relationship with a girl who
is much younger than her. Since the lesbian is aware of people’s opinion of her and her relationship, it creates a dilemma for her.
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3. Happy but Guilty
