67 spontaneously feel homosexual desire, have freedom to choose whether they
want to ignore or repress their homosexual desire and tries to avoid doing homoerotic act or they want accept it and to live this way. In my opinion, when it
comes to social environment in which lesbians demand to be accepted, society also has the freedom to choose whether they want to accept or decline the
existence of lesbians in their environment, since, again it is all the matter of a choice, which everybody has right to maintain a position.
2. Becoming a Lesbian Purely because of Spontaneous or Accidental Feelings
In the two English language short stories, “Serious” and “The Eyes of March” by A.K.Naten, the process of becoming a lesbian is portrayed as
accidently happening. The lesbian characters explain being a lesbian is purely because of feelings which arise naturally, innocently and happen without any clear
reason or being planned. It just happens spontaneously. The desire toward the same sex they illustrates purely because of feelings.
But then, well, it happened rather accidentally. S, 108 Hell, I hadn’t planned to get involved with her in the first
place. None of it had been planned… It just happened. It had started out innocently, really. TEOM, 65
However, unlike the English language short stories, in “Bukan Hari Kemarin”, the lesbian character meets a street musician on a bus on her way home
after work. At the beginning she thinks that the street musician is a man, but in fact she is a woman. She is surprised when she sees her singing beautifully, a
68 woman street musician with beautiful and soft voice. This moment where the first
time they see each others is captured as follows: I rose my head to see his face. I was surprised; oh, he is not a
man Coincidentally her eyes found mine. Her slight smile made my heart rustling. I avert her eyes. BHK, 45
96
When their eyes meet as narrated in the story, she feels her heart beat in a different way. And the same feeling rises again when she gives the money, Rp.
5000, to her after she finishes singing. This is a big amount of money for a bus street musician who is usually only given coins or Rp. 1000 this story is
published in 2008. Once again, their eyes meet which makes her heart beat fast strongly.
“That what I put inside their can. Those singers were shocked and tend to return the money I gave, but I quickly shake my
head. The guitar player then sent a smile. Why did my heart beat faster? Moreover we got out of the bus together”. BHK, 45
97
In “Lesbi” by Tommy F. Awuy, Gesty, the lesbian character explains to her parents about how she becomes a person whose emotional and sexual
tendency is to the same sex. She tries to explain to her parents who are seriously shocked when Gesty discloses the truth about herself. She tells her secret because
of her parents’ pressure, especially her father’s. Her parents always corner her to marry a man. She explains that she gets the feeling of love for the same sex
without any influences. She is unaware of how this feeling has grown in her. She
96
“Ku angkat kepala dan hendak melihat wajahnya. Aku terheran; oh, dia bukan seorang laki- laki Kebetulan pandangannya bertemu dengan ku. Senyumannya terulas membuat jantung ku
berdesir. Aku membuang muka.
97
“Itu lah yang ku masukkan dalam gelasnya. Pengamen itu terkejut dan bermaksud mengembalikan uang ku, tapi cepat-cepat ku gelengkan kepala. Si pemain gitar kembali
melemparkan senyuman. Kenapa lagi-lagi jantung berdebar? Apalagi kemudian mereka turun bersama dengan ku”.
97
69 does not know what the causes are. The only thing she knows that suddenly she
falls in love with another woman. “Please forgive me, Mom, Dad You must be disappointed,”
Gesty broke the silence with her low voice. “This fact is not artificial. There is no influence from anyone else. I just falls in
love with same sex spontaneously.” SepociKopi.Com
98
The same issue is also portrayed in “Putus” by NV. The lesbian character explains to her brother that she becomes a lesbian because she just falls in love
with Eva. There is no other explanation. The narrator states she feels comfortable with Eva. She feels that she becomes herself with this woman, not someone else.
She is purely falling in love. Meanwhile in “Ketika Langit Senja” by Alvi A.H, the lesbian character reveals that having feeling toward the same sex is not merely
because of bad or traumatic love experience with a man. She explains that the feeling she has with her female friend is just flowing naturally and purely
innocent. She argues that it is not because she has just broken up with her boyfriend who betrays her.
Neither a feeling grown to release me from my pain while at the same time I was betrayed by man had I loved. The feeling
was just flowing, sincere and pure. KLS, 103
99
Through its lesbian character, this story shows that someone who becomes a lesbian is not because of her traumatic experience with man. This story tries to
reshape the negative stigma of society in which they usually judge that being a lesbian is negative because it is caused by traumatic experience with man.
98
“Maafkan Gesty. Papa dan Mama pasti sangat kecewa,” Gesty memecah keheningan dengan suara rendah sekali. “Kenyataan ini tidak Gesty buat-buat. Tidak ada pengaruh dari siapa-siapa
Tahu-tahu saja Gesty jatuh cinta pada sejenis.” SepociKopi.com, Lesbi
99
Juga bukan perasaan yang tumbuh sebagai pelampiasan ketika di saat yang sama aku dikhianati oleh laki-laki yang sangat ku cintai. Perasaan itu mengalir begitu saja, tulus dan suci.
70 Different to other stories discussed above, “Lari” by Nuage shows that
the lesbian character does not know how she could ever be a same sex lover. She is not able to explain the reason. The only thing she knows that she starts having
feelings that lead to sexual desire since her first infatuation. She is attracted to women, especially the one who is older than her.
“About how I become a same sex lover, I no need to explain it anymore, I don’t even know. I don’t remember at all. What I
understand is that since I started to feel lustful, my object was women and also emotionally attracted to them, especially an
older woman”. LR, 180
100
The same condition of loving older women is portrayed in “The Women Pool” by Beatriz Copello. A forty five years old mature woman and seventeen
years old young girl fall in love with each other. This seventeen year old young girl expresses that she likes older woman. She admires an old woman in the pool
who she sees almost every day. While another old woman character in the pool, whose age is 45, actually also admires that 17 year old young girl like her. This 45
years old woman is portrayed as someone who has all her life needs meet. She is well off but empty inside because she does not have partner. “I’m fed up with the
monotony of my hand’s well-rehearsed movements A successful life. A successful carrier. A fat account in the bank. Good clothes. A good car. The opera.
The theatre. Lots of friends.” TWP, 25 The interesting issue in these two stories is the portrayal of the emotional
and sexual tendency of a young lesbian toward an older woman. Here, the same case in heterosexual relationship where a young woman admires and trusts her life
100
Tentang bagaimana aku menjadi pecinta sesama perempuan, tidak perlu diceritakan lagi, aku juga tidak tahu. Aku tidak ingat lagi. Yang ku tahu sejak aku mulai merasa birahi dan bisa
merasakan ketertarikan secara emosional juga, objek ku perempuan. Khususnya perempuan yang lebih tua.
71 to a more mature man, who is usually older than her. These attractions among
heterosexual women are especially to wise mature men who are emotionally and financially stable. As it is openly narrated in “Lari”:
I like older women who understand well about what they want. I like smart and wise women who can lead and spoil me. I find
that women reach their top of enchantment when they were forty years old. They know more. They experience everything. They
are succesful, mature. They are patient, leading, and they understand what is best even for me. That’s what I need in life.
Their maturity, protection, and affection, make them look sexy in my eyes. I don’t need teenager love which are whine and
artificial. Those are boring and waste my time”. LR, 181
101
In the quotation above, the young lesbian character has a mature partner. She is forty. She is portrayed as someone smart, psychologically and financially
stable, who can provide security for her lover. She is a lecturer in the Socio- Politics Faculty in one of university in Indonesia, while her young partner is one
of her students. They are living in France now. The older partner gets a scholarship for her doctoral program in one of university in France.
The uniqueness in this story is the background of their meeting. Unlike other stories in which the partners are first friends, or accidently meeting
somewhere and fall in love at the first sight, or run away from an unhappy marriage life. This story shows a different angle of how lesbians meet. These two
lesbian are portrayed as a lecturer and a student. They always meet once a week in
101
“Aku suka perempuan dewasa yang tahu benar apa yang diinginkannya. Aku suka perempuan yang cerdas dan bijaksana yang bisa membimbing ku dan memanjakan ku. Aku menemukan
perempuan pada puncak pesonanya ketika mereka berusia empat puluh tahun. Mereka tahu lebih banyak. Mereka sudah mengalami segala hal. Mereka sukses, mapan. Mereka sabar, memimpin,
dan tahu yang terbaik, begitu juga untuk aku. Itulah yang ku perlukan dalam hidup ini. Kematangan, kecerdasan, perlindungan, dan kasih sayang mereka, semua menjadikan mereka
terlihat seksi di mata ku. Aku tak perlu cinta ABG yang menye-menye dan semu. Semua itu membosankan bagi ku and hanya membuang-buang waktu.”
72 class. Unexpectedly, they meet in a chat room. This story describes that these
lesbian meets online in the internet era which none of the other stories do. At the beginning, it is certain they do not know that they already know each other in the
context of a student and lecturer, because they use another name in the chat room. One day, they both decide to meet in person because up to that point they
just connected through the internet. When they meet each other, they are so shocked, because they would never have imagined the one they always meet in
the chatroom would be her own student and her own lecturer. After their first meeting, they are so afraid because of their identity is now known by each other
as lesbian. For a month after that meeting the younger lesbian never attends the class and tries to run away. Finally, they give up and try to be honest about their
feelings of need and love for each other. Then, their relationship continues to grow until it becomes closer and stronger. Up to one day, the lecturer gets a
doctoral scholarship to study in French and she takes her young lover with her to France and they live there together.
It is often the same in heterosexual relationship; women tend to have a partner or a husband who can provide security, a good life, and one who can guide
her to be a better person and to have a better future. In both Indonesian and English language short stories, the young lesbian characters also admire a mature
lesbian to be their partner for several reasons that I have discussed before.
3. Becoming a Lesbian as a Result of Long Term Interaction
