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She was sick of keeping her life on hold: she wanted to be like Lainey, tucked up in bed with the man she loved, who had promised in front of everyone to
have and to hold her until death did them part. 124
…. But recently she had changed. She still wanted a husband and babies, of course she did, but she wanted to have a bit of fun first. She wanted to get the
hang of her new job, which was such a laugh and which was introducing her to dozens of new people, without feeling she had to rush home and play house
for her boyfriend. 483
In the meantime, Natasha’s desires are not utterly different from Sophie’s. Natasha wants others to understand her. She wants to be as attractive as Sophie, and has a
relationship with a man who really loves her. Then it is inevitable to admit that a person often envies others or wants to be others. And it is also experienced by
Natasha and Sophie. Although they are best friend since they were children, instinctively they envy each other. Either Sophie or Natasha often unconsciously
wants to experience what the other has. It is shown by the following quotations: Of course, by now Natasha was used to living in Sophie’s shadow. She had
come to terms with the fact that, no matter how many facials she had or designer clothes she bought, her friend would always be prettier than her,
always have an adoring boyfriend on her arm. 10
Sophie had long been used to feeling inferior to Natasha, with her brains and glamorous life, and the flat had been the last straw. She couldn’t help
comparing her and Andy’s hovel in Harlesden and feeling hard done by. And if that didn’t make her feel bad enough, she could dwell on Tash’s job jetting
round the world and meeting the stars, unlike Sophie whose day consisted of Harlesden, tube, office, tube, harlesden. 31
“It’s all so silly, you banging on and on about Sophie. You know she never shuts up about you either. How chic you always look. How wonderful your
life is. How inferior she feels when you talk about your job. She’d loved to be you.” 466
From what Natasha and Sophie desire to be another person and experience what each other has, it can be analyzed that their self identity can be a model for each
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of them. They can learn from others, reflect and place themselves in order to find the right self-identity.
d. Sophie and Natasha’s Feelings
What a person feels about his or herself or even about others may affect him or her view of self that will lead to his or her self identity. As quoted by Cirese from
Freud’s Psychoanalytic theory, a person’s feelings have emotionally effect on his or her personality that gradually may shape his or her self identity. From the following
quotation, it is said that feelings involve one’s Ego. “Ego defense that is the ego’s unconscious mechanisms distorting feelings or perceptions that make some people
turn aside feelings of anxiety, guilt, and conflict.” 53-55 In the novel, it can be found that Natasha’s feeling for being alone makes her
become an introvert person. She looks herself as a kind of abandoned and pitied person. Generally Natasha imagines that she can be and she wants to be an attractive
and easy-going person because it will cheer her self up whenever she feels uneasy with her single status.
I know the feeling, Natasha thought. But no one ever would know that about her. Natasha gradually stopped ever discussing her private life, so much she
did she hate the pity in people’s eyes at her perpetually single status. 21
Her sad feeling of having a baby and then losing her baby makes her realize that she has smashed her life up since she depended her life on a man whom she knew before
that he wasn’t really good for her. After that, Natasha tries to get a new start again, she doesn’t want to stumble herself on other’s perception toward her failure for
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making affair. Of course she cried after he’d gone. But she didn’t cry for losing Alastair, she
cried for the baby she’d been unable to hold on to, maybe because it sensed her life was in too much of a mess to cope with it. For the baby she now knew
she wanted and needed to start trying for sooner rather than later. For her old, glittery life which had been such a blast and which now would never
completely satisfy her again. 442
Unlike Natasha, Sophie is an easy-going person that she seldom feels lonely. She is always surrounded by many people whom she can get pleasure from. She feels
happy meeting people and sharing or making jokes with others, especially those who are important or famous people. It will let Sophie get a good perception towards
herself. And being married with Olly who will be one of important persons in the governance and has treated her well makes her become popular. Her contentment
being famous influences what self-identity she has. Another time she accompanied him to a grand party at the Garrick Club in
Covent Garden, which was full of MPs. Olly introduced her to lots of them and she flirted happily. 95
From being just one of many secretaries, Sophie had suddenly achieved celebrity status. Excited girls kept stopping by her desk and asking to see the
ring and Sophie would regally hold out her hand and twist it this way and that to catch the light, while they oohed and ahhed over the size, the cut, the
obvious cost. 361
Even though Sophie feels happy of her engagement and her new popularity, but she still has a hope for her previous love life. Sophie cannot assure herself
whether she wants her popular life or not since she realizes that she doesn’t really love Olly. It can be known from her feeling of jealousy knowing what have done by
her best friend and her ex boy friend. Sophie feels hurt towards Natasha’s relationship
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with her ex boyfriend whom she still loves. But then her feeling turns into happiness after Sophie gets the news that she has been accepted to work in television. Her
happiness to work in television leads her to find what actually she wants to be and experience.
“I can’t believe it,” Sophie was sniveling down her borrowed Pacha T-shirt. “My best friend and my boyfriend. Together. They betrayed me, Lainey.
Betrayed me.” 471
She was so overwhelmed with excitement, it was another hour before she got back on to the subject of Natasha and Andy. And when she finally did, she
realized to her great surprise that the hurt, which had been so raw last night, was already fading like a nettle sting, leaving nothing more than a faint rash.
And even that would probably be gone by evening. 475
Subsequently Sophie turns into a more mature person that she apologizes Natasha and her ex boyfriend. And like what Natasha does, Sophie also tries to reshape her life
into the new one.
2. External Factors that Influence Sophie and Natasha’s Searching for Their Self-Identity
Living within others in an environment or society, one needs to actualize himself or herself. The way the environment perceives a person may influence the
way a person perceives himself and the world around him. As generated by psychologists in the phenomenological theory, one’s personality depends on the
phenomena happen around him or her. Here one’s experiences and interactions with society, family and friends’ roles, and life conflicts may bring influences in one’s
actualization in order to find his or her self-identity.
