To strengthen the characteristic of Jake, it is better to change the sentence into “Tidak, terima kasih” jawab Jake. “Aku tidak mau main permainan-
permainan bayi konyol” 23. …;
perhaps
the flashes and rumbles are more bombs going
off;..
…; mungkin gemuruh dan cahaya putih itu adalah bom-bom yang
dijatuhkan;…
The inaccuracy in the sentence above is the phrase the flashes and rumbles
into gemuruh dan cahaya and it is given a 2. Considering that the author described the flashes and rumbles as the representation of war, the translated
version gemuruh dan cahaya is inaccurate because the atmosphere is becoming nothing. In war, usually the situation is very destructive by the bombs, which are
not only making explosion, but also sounds and lights. To support the idea of war, it is best to say mungkin suara-suara gemuruh dan kilat-kilat putih tersebut
adalah bom-bom yang dijatuhkan .
24. He tries not to think about it, or
look at the displays he passes.
Jake mencoba untuk tidak memikirkannya, tidak juga menengok
foto di ruang pamer yang dilewatinya.
The translation of the word displays into foto is inaccurate because it is
translated into singular form and the meaning is changed. The content of the source text above is not conveyed accurately which means that the score is 3. It
can be seen from the addition of the adverbial place di ruang pamer which causes a mistake. In the original story, the displays appear through the computer screens
in the computer terminal. Moreover, the existence of the displays is at the computer terminal, not at the exhibition room, considering that Jake at that
moment is in the computer terminal that he sees the displays. Also, when it is PLAGIAT MERUPAKAN TINDAKAN TIDAK TERPUJI
considered as singular form, it means that there is one photo. In order to make both stories suitable, it is good to translate the sentence into Jake mecoba tidak
memikirkannya, ataupun menengok foto-foto di layar-layar komputer yang ia lewati
. 25. He
stops after a few steps,… Jake
berhenti,…
Another problem is found in the above sentence in which the translator
omits after a few steps in which the readers can see the difference in meaning of both stories. In the source text, Jake is following his father and he is trying to call
his father, but his father cannot listen to him at all that makes him give up and stops his steps. A different meaning is provided in the target text. The readers can
interpret that Jake stops suddenly because of something that makes him shocked. The deletion of after a few steps has caused a significant change in meaning. To
make it accurate and avoid the score 4, the best translation will be Jake menghentikan langkahnya
. 26. Dead
Eyes Mata Beku
Again, a special case of translating singular and plural form exists in the
above phrase. The phrase above is the subtitle of Deadly Game. If it is translated into singular form, it makes the story become less striking and less horror. Then, 2
is suitable to score the target text. Considering that English and Indonesian language have equivalence, especially in singular and plural form, it is best
translated into Sepasang Mata Beku instead of reduplicated which can lead to a different meaning. This solution can deliver the similar message and bring the
mystical atmosphere of both stories. PLAGIAT MERUPAKAN TINDAKAN TIDAK TERPUJI
28. Mum and Dad continue to pass
things to Hannah,… Ayah dan Ibu memberikan sesuatu
kepada Hannah,… Another inaccuracy is found in the translation of things into sesuatu.
Considering that in the original story, the situation is that Jake’s family is sitting on the picnic table and having their lunch and Mum and Dad are helping Hannah
to get her foods, it is most appropriate to say Ayah dan Ibu memberikan makanan kepada Hannah
, instead of translating the word things into sesuatu that can mean something mystic and get score 3, being contrary to the situation in the original
story which is fun and happy. 29. …, his voice breaking into Jake’s
thoughts. …, suaranya membuyarkan lamunan
Jake. The different meaning of translating thoughts into lamunan also appears in
the sentence above. The inaccuracy in translating plural form into its singular makes the text get a 2. Originally, Jake is still confused of the things that happen
to him and it makes him wondering so many questions in his mind. That is why the author decides to use plural form for the word thought. The translator, in the
contrary, shifts the meaning into singular form. If this happens, it means that Jake is only thinking about one thing. To avoid meaning shift from the original story, it
is much better to translate the sentence above into suaranya membuyarkan semua lamunan Jake
.
31. Jake tries to speak, but no words
come out. Jake mencoba mengatakan sesuatu,
tetapi tak ada suara yang keluar.
From the sentence above, the readers can see a significant effect of shifting
the noun words into suara. In this case, the translator makes two mistakes and has caused the text get a 3. The first case is translating the plural noun words into its
singular form. This first mistake brings the other mistake, that is translating words into suara. These two words are very different in meaning. As the readers can
interpret in the source text that the author means to say that Jake is trying to speak, but he is still very shocked and he does not know what to say. It is very contrast
with the target text. Here, the readers can interpret that someone makes Jake unable to speak, possibly with magic.
Jake mencoba berbicara, tetapi tak ada kata-kata yang keluar will be the
best translation for the sentence above because it will make no difference in meaning.
32. He pauses, raises a hand, flutters
his fingers and makes a slow, falling gesture.
James berhenti sejenak, mengangkat tangan, menggerakkan jarinya
memperagakan benda yang jatuh.
Another score 2 is given. James berhenti sejenak, mengangkat tangan,
menggerakkan jemarinya memperagakan benda yang jatuh is the better
translation for the sentence above. The translation of his fingers into jemarinya is more suitable instead of translating it into singular form jarinya. Since the author
wants to personalize James’ fingers to describe something falling, the word jemarinya
is better used. In Indonesian language, jemarinya is considered as plural form rather than jari-jarinya. If the translator keeps using jarinya, it means
that James is not personalizing something, but pointing at something because all people know that if someone raises his hand and shows his one finger, it means
that he is pointing at something. That is why it is better to keep translating the plural form his fingers into its plural form in Indonesian language jemarinya.
33. ‘… There are a few over there in the trees, Jake. …’
‘… Lihat, ada beberapa jiwa yang hilang di balik pohon itu, Jake. …’
Another inaccurate translation of plural form into singular can be seen
from the sentence above. The prepositional phrase in the trees is directly translated into di balik pohon itu which means that the target text gets a 2. In the
original text, the word the trees is in plural form to describe that there is a small forest behind the picnic table and James is pointing at it. The word the trees is
used as the representation of the forest. In the opposite, the translator tends to shift the plural form into singular noun pohon. The case is that by using the singular
word pohon, the representation of the forest will be lost. The environment possibly will be a place with some trees growing, and James is pointing at one of
those trees. To describe the real environment of the original story and keep the
environment in the translated version, the sentence Lihat, ada beberapa jiwa yang hilang di balik pepohonan di sana, Jake
will be best. 34. At first all he can make out is
dense shadow, dark trunks, branches with stiff black leaves
that rattle in a brief gust of wind. Awalnya ia hanya bisa melihat
bayangan gelap batang pohon, ranting-ranting denagn daun-daun
hitam yang bergemerisik tertiup angin.
A similar case of representation and scoring 2 also appears in the above
sentence. The word trunks is represented as a part of a tree. By reading the source text, the readers can figure out that Jake is looking at the forest that James has
pointed at, and all Jake can see is the trees with many trunks and leaves. The obvious thing is that the translator translates the other plural words branches and
leaves into their plural form ranting-ranting and daun-daun, while for the word
trunks it is shifted into singular form. For the sake of delivering a similar idea
between the author and the readers and keeping the horror atmosphere of both stories, it is suggested to say batang-batang pohon.
35. ‘… It might help you to avoid
saying things you’ll regret.’
‘… Itu bisa membantumu untuk tidak mengatakan sesuatu yang nantinya
akan membuat kamu menyesal.’
Another serious case when translating plural forms into singular can be
observed from the sentence above. The existence of the plural word things is describing that Jake is very angry with his sister and he will say anything bad to
Hannah to release his anger feeling. James, on the other hand, is giving advice to Jake not to say many things that can make him regret. The problem of the
translated version sesuatu is that it seems that Jake probably says something intentionally that can make him regret. This cannot show the great anger of Jake
to his sister’s mistake of replacing Jake with James. This different meaning also supports the text to get a 3.
The best solution to translate the source text above is Itu bisa membantumu untuk tidak mengatakan hal-hal yang nantinya akan membuat kamu
menyesal.
36. Jake looks at the clouds
streaming across the dark sky, sees the flashes, hears the
rumbles,…
Jake memandang langit. Awan melintasi langit gelap dan kilat
menyambar, diikuti suara gemuruh.
The inaccuracy in translating three phrases above has changed the
atmosphere of the story and the perfect judgement which changed into 2. If they are translated into singular forms awan, kilat and suara, the atmosphere possibly
is raining day. Keeping the words the clouds, the flashes and the rumbles in plural PLAGIAT MERUPAKAN TINDAKAN TIDAK TERPUJI
