Jake glares at him, new questions
18. But he can’t, especially as the feeling grows more powerful
with every step he takes deeper into the circle.
Tetapi Jake tak bisa lagi mengabaikan sensasi aneh yang semakin kuat saat ia
semakin masuk ke dalam lingkaran.
By comparing the source text and the target text, it can be traced that a
different atmosphere has arisen. The clause with every step he takes in the source text means that Jake has felt the uncomforting sensation at the first time he enters
the room, and he feels it stronger every time he takes a step deeper into the circle stone. The atmosphere goes weaker when the clause is translated into saat ia
semakin masuk because the clause means that Jake feels the sensation after some
steps closer to the circle stone. In other word, the use of the adverbial time saat describes that Jake does not really feel the sensation when entering the room and
he feels it when he gets closer to the circle stone. These differences motivate the text to get a 3 for the judgement.
In order to keep the similar atmosphere in both stories, the best translation for the sentence above is Tetapi Jake tidak bisa lagi mengabaikan sensasi aneh
yang semakin kuat setiap kali ia melangkah semakin masuk ke dalam lingkaran. 20. She reaches out to touch the
Heart stone , mumbles something
Jake can’t hear Hannah berusaha menyentuh The
Heart Stone sambil menggumamkan
kata-kata yang tak bisa didengar Jake.
There are two problems that arise in translating the source text above. The
first problem is the wrong translation of the verb reaches out into berusaha. The word berusaha in Indonesian language means that trying to do something. It is
very different with what is written in the source text. The verb reaches out actually means that someone is stretching out his hand or arm to touch something.
Another problem is the inaccuracy in translating singular noun in the texts above. The author chooses to use singular form something to describe that Hannah
is saying something mysterious and that Jake fully does not know what it is. The use of the word something is illustrating a mystical atmosphere. The translated
version of the plural form kata-kata has described that actually Jake knows what his sister is saying, the problem is that he cannot clearly listen to it.
Those two problems also force the writer to give a 3 in indicating the score since there is a significant change in meaning. To make it good, the sentence
Hannah mengulurkan tangannya dan menyentuh Heart Stone sambil menggumamkan sesuatu yang tak bisa didengar Jake
is the best Indonesian version.