We can express our feelings openly to those who can respect and understand them, even We can pray for our loved ones’ d e v e l o p m e n t and growth as souls in the We can gradually free ourselves from excessive concentration on those who have left

Robert Elias Najemy - 88 - Remove Pain – Physical and Emotional c. Why does a soul take on a body? d. What happens when the soul leaves the body? e. What is the relationship between man, nature and God?

2. We can express our feelings openly to those who can respect and understand them, even

if that means finding a professional listener A priest, minister, psychologist, spiritual teacher or a good friend.

3. We can pray for our loved ones’ d e v e l o p m e n t and growth as souls in the

dimensions where they are now residing. We can light a candle for them as frequently as we feel the need, sending them energy and love. We do not necessarily need to go to the grave. Our loved ones are not there. During the first days, they are most likely wherever we are. They are not attracted to the discarded body, but rather, to those they love. We can ask others to pray for them also. This is important for the first forty days and then less so for another year.

4. We can gradually free ourselves from excessive concentration on those who have left this plane

and pay more attention to those who are h e r e with us. It might be best eventually to remove belongings that remind us of him or her. We can give them to charity or to those who need them or would appreciate them. Their presence around the home will obstruct our gradual detachment and the ability to move forward with our lives which is what our loved ones would want.

5. We can occupy ourselves with meaningful activities four of which are: a. Service b .

Creativity c. Evolution - Self-knowledge d . Conscious Love Relationships

6. We need to be patient with ourselves and those around us.

7. We can cultivate faith in God and in ourselves.

8. We can join a group of people dedicated to the process of growth where we can mutually

support each other in this process. Books by the same author which deal with this subject are: a The Psychology of Happiness b The Mystical Circle of Life c Universal Philosophy d Miracles of Love and Wisdom Robert Elias Najemy - 89 - Remove Pain – Physical and Emotional Chapter Eighteen EFT and Codependency Confusion about Responsibility in Relationships Many negative emotions are the result of confusion concerning who is responsible for whose reality. If we believe that others are responsible for our reality and how we feel and they do not create our reality as we would like it to be or do not give us what we want, we feel hurt, bitter, disillusioned, powerless, fearful, resentful, angry and even hateful. When we believe that we are responsible for their reality, and we are not able to make them happy, healthy, successful or satisfied we feel failure, self-rejection, shame and guilt. We might even feel anger toward them when they do not cooperate with us to create the reality we believe they must have in order to feel that we are successful and thus worthy as parents, teachers, saviors, healers, etc. Both beliefs create codependency, resulting in conflicts that prevent both parties from maturing emotionally. We will all be much happier if we create relationships of conscious love, co-commitment and mutual support rather than burden each other and ourselves in these ways. Beliefs that Cause Codependency 1. I am responsible for the others’ reality for their safety, happiness, health, success, satisfaction, etc. We then believe we are failures if they are not well. We also become angry with them when they do not cooperate in creating their own well being, which we need in order to feel worthy. 2 . Others are incapable, unable, and lacking inner guidance or the capacity for managing their lives properly. They need me. We believe they cannot be okay or proceed in life without our guidance and effort. As a consequence, we undermine their self- confidence and self-worth and wear ourselves down doing for others much of what they can do for themselves. We obstruct their growth and strength.

3. If the others are not well, h a p p y , successful, satisfied, etc., then I am a failure.