Robert Elias Najemy
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Remove Pain – Physical and Emotional
quite lonely. She could not be just “one of the group”. The result in that childhood experience
was that she actually refused to speak in front of the class and disappointed her mother.
These experiences create pressure on her today to be perfect, particularly when she is speaking in
front of others. She is a lawyer.
We worked on the following aspects, which came up one by one:
a. Fear of speaking in front of others. b. Shame for not satisfying them especially her
mother. c. Anger with her mother.
d. Anger with herself. e. Feeling others as antagonistic when she is
speaking in front of them. f. The need to please them and fear of not being
able to do so. g. Guilt because of disappointing them.
h. Suppression because of the feeling that she has to satisfy them.
We can see here how a supposedly positive affirmation can create serious problems, when it is
interpreted to mean that the child will be worthy of acceptance and love only if he or she always
fulfills these prerequisites. Some examples might be:
a. Message: You are special - different - better.
Resulting belief: I must always be special, different and better in order to be worthy of love
and acceptance.
b. Message: You are the prettiest. Resulting belief: I must be prettier than the others
in order to be worthy of love and acceptance.
c. Message: You are the smartest. Resulting belief: I must know more than the
others in order to be loved and accepted.
The problem with such messages is that they create the idea that we are loved under certain
conditions and also that we must compete with others for those conditions.
At our second meeting, we continued with the public speaking problem, which seemed to still be
there, addressing the following aspects.
a. Fear of leading people to wrong conclusions with what I tell them.
b. Fear of their opinion of me as I speak. c. Fear that they will not understand what I
have to say. d. Feelings of separateness - loneliness.
After one month we spoke about this last feeling of separateness from others, which she explained
was about 3 or 4. She felt that was not something negative, but something which allowed her to find
her center more easily and spend her time more creatively. She had no negative feelings about
feeling different and separate.
12. Guilt, pain and rejection towards homosexual and drug-using son.
Martha’s son is involved with drugs and his sexual preference is homosexuality. He ended up in jail
for about six months.
We worked on the following feelings concerning this issue:
a. Guilt that she was in some way responsible for his reality.
This went from 10 to 5 and then to a zero. b. Injustice that this should happen to her.
This started at 10 and came to zero. c. Pain in her chest in the area of the heart.
This started at 9 and fell to zero. d. Rejection towards him and his lifestyle
choices. This started at 10 and fell after a number of
rounds to zero.
e. I then asked her to check the guilt again and it had gone up to 3 so we tapped again for that and it
came again to zero.
In the end I asked her, why she accepts him now when ten minutes earlier had rejected him with a
SUD of 10. She answered simply, “because I love him.”
This is so common with EFT. Our emotional disturbances are covering our deeper wisdom and
love. When they are removed, we experience our true selves.
Comment: Why would the guilt come up again? My theory is
that we have a basic belief that “someone must be to blame”. Thus as long as she was rejecting him,
she was hiding some portion of her own feelings of responsibility. When her rejection towards him
was removed, the remaining guilt, which was hidden behind her rejecting him, came to the
surface, but was easily removed.
Robert Elias Najemy
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Remove Pain – Physical and Emotional
This is an interesting phenomenon. We seem to solve problems by blaming or rejecting others.
Having done so, we can “relax”.
I once experienced this very clearly. Some students who left our center began to spread the
most horrible and obscene lies about me.
This hurt me, as I loved them and they were still in my heart. After a few months of this ordeal, a
friend of mine said to me, “You are in pain, because you do not believe in evil. These people
are evil.”
In my next meditation, I allowed myself to try out the thought, “They are evil”. I felt an immediate
relaxation and realized how most of us solve our problems. We no longer feel hurt; we have
nothing to examine in our lives, nothing to change. Very convenient. No evolution is
necessary on our part, because all the blame is on the others.
I immediately realized that this is not the way I wanted to deal with this. I chose to find peace in
the faith that I am the sole creator of my reality and that all others are simply giving me the
lessons I need in order to grow spiritually.
In this case I needed to learn: Not to care what others think of me.
To forgive and love those who were spreading these lies.
Comment:
Another belief, which causes us to reject others, is, “there must be only one right way and all other
perceptions are wrong.” If the other is right, then I must be wrong. Thus, I have the need to believe
that the other is wrong, so I can be right.
We have difficulty realizing that we are all in an evolutionary process and each person is growing
through his specific experiences and experiments with life.
This is also true of our belief that someone has to be to blame for something that has gone wrong.
Another perception would be that what is happening is exactly what we need for our
evolutionary process. In Martha’s case, she needed to free herself from
the belief that she is guilty and also that her son is wrong.
13. Pain for son in jail and sister’s rejection and greed
