To protect our energy and gain more energy from others if we can. To be able to control others and have their attention when we want. To get what we want from others. 4. To affirm our self-worth and sense of To protect our freedom to do what we want. To

Robert Elias Najemy - 96 - Remove Pain – Physical and Emotional Chapter Nineteen EFT Dealing With “Victims” Freeing ourselves from the power games described in the “Celestine Prophecy” Introduction This is an introduction to this and the next three chapters, where we will discuss how to employ EFT for dealing more effectively and lovingly with those who play the roles of the Victim, Aloof, Interrogator and Intimidator. Having grown up in unique environments, experiencing different messages about ourselves, others and life, each of us has developed a personality with specific and unique needs, desires, beliefs, habits, attachments and roles which we play. Many of our behaviors are defense mechanisms, or ways of thinking and acting, which we hope will protect us from various, mostly imagined, dangers. Some people have “introverted” defense mechanisms, which cause them to retreat into themselves, or into some kind of non-inclusive activity, when they are not feeling safe. Others become aggressive, antagonistic or competitive. These various ways in which we have been programmed to react to situations, especially those which threaten us, make up, to a great extent, the basic fabric of our interpersonal conflicts. Such automatic defensive reactions create conflict with others, especially if our methods of “coping” clash with their needs. When we free ourselves from these mechanical reactions, and act consciously and lovingly, we will have much greater chances of harmony and real communication. The best seller “The Celestine Prophecy” by James Redfield has successfully presented a simplified grouping of these coping mechanisms into four roles. Let us take a brief look at these roles, which we and our loved ones might get locked into as we battle for energy, self- affirmation, security and control. We must keep in mind that most of us play all of these roles to some degree. We might play the “victim” with one person and the “intimidator” with another. Or we might be both the interrogator and victim with the same person. Also, our relationship partners, loved ones, friends and coworkers will embody a combination of these roles. Possible Interactions We and our loved ones may play a combination of these roles in our attempts to get what we need from others. In general, we play these roles in order:

1. To protect our energy and gain more energy from others if we can.

2. To be able to control others and have their attention when we want.

3. To get what we want from others. 4. To affirm our self-worth and sense of

security.

5. To protect our freedom to do what we want.

6. To prove that we are right. 7. To avoid being controlled by others.

8. Out of habit and childhood programming.

Robert Elias Najemy - 97 - Remove Pain – Physical and Emotional The roles we play are often in response to the roles our loved ones play. And vice verse, the roles they play are usually mirroring our roles. For example, if we play the victim, the other may protect himself by playing the intimidator so we do not get what we want. Or he or she may play the interrogator so as to change the balance of power between us. Or a third may play the aloof and protect him or herself by simply ignoring us. If we play the Interrogator, the other may play the same role as we communicate like lawyers, trying to prove the other wrong. Or he or she might play the victim so we will stop. Another might become aloof and ignore us so as to find his or her peace. Or he or she might become an intimidator to stop us. If we play the Intimidator, the other may play the same role as we fight a “battle to the death” to see who will get his or her way. Or he or she may play the interrogator and defuse our weapons by making us answer to his or her criticism. Another may play the victim so that we will have mercy, feel guilty and stop. The aloof will find his peace by ignoring us. If we play the Aloof, the other may do the same and we will simply never communicate. More likely, however, he or she will play the intimidator or interrogator in order to get our attention by addressing themselves to our fears and need for approval. Victims may try to get our attention by playing on our guilt. When we use the words “playing these roles”, we do not mean that we are consciously playing them but rather that they have become subconscious mechanical reactions which function automatically. Learning to Be Steady and Loving with “Victims” The role of Victim poor me is a favorite with many of us. There are so many “benefits” we can ensure by playing the role of the victim.

1. We automatically gain self-worth. Follow this reasoning closely. As a victim, we are the one