6 Softening strategies
A vital feature of courteous communication in Korean is the avoidance of directness, especially with respect to commands, requests, and queries.
6.1 Use of questions in place of commands and proposals
Commands and proposals tend to be softened especially when the speaker is not close to the addressee, unless the action being requested is for the benefit of that
person 㧮 㧦㣪, 㞞⎫䧞 Ṗ㎎㣪, etc.. This is very commonly achieved by expressing requests as questions.
Command forms:
㏢⁞ 㫖 㭒⧒㭮㭮㣪㭒㎎㣪. See 1.5 about 㭒⧒. Please pass the salt.
Question forms:
㏢⁞ 㫖 㭚⧮?㭚⧮㣪?㭒㔺⧮㣪?㭒㔲Ỷ㠊㣪? Could you pass the salt?
The contrasts among the various sentence endings in these examples, and even the presence of the honorific suffix -㔲, don’t have much to do with softening.
Rather, the softening effect is associated with the use of the question. A word of caution is in order here. The English patterns ‘WouldCould
you…?’ typically used to translate Korean formal endings and honorific verb forms are misleading. Whereas these patterns can be used in English to
anyone, including close friends or even children, the Korean formal endings and honorific
verb forms are inappropriate for close friends or children. For example, you never say ㏢⁞ 㫖 㭒㔲Ỷ㠊㣪? to a five-year-old child, even though you
could say ‘Could you pass me the salt?’ in this situation in English. It is always appropriate to be courteous and polite no matter who you are speaking to, be it a
child or a close friend, but it is not appropriate to be formal and deferential to such a person.
Proposal forms such as ⹕㦒㕃㔲┺, with both the formal 䞿㔲┺ style and honorific -㔲, are not used, except by quite old, mostly male speakers. Where
additional deference is called for, the proposal is usually made indirectly, by changing it into a suggestion or a question.
ṯ㧊 ṧ㔲┺. Let’s go together.
most direct ṯ㧊 Ṗ㎎㣪.
Let’s go together. ṯ㧊 Ṗ㔲㬶.
Why don’t we go together? ṯ㧊 Ṗ㔺₢㣪? Shall we go together?
ṯ㧊 Ṗ㔲Ỷ㠊㣪? Would you like to go together? least direct
6.2 Softening with the help of special verbs
6.2.1 The verb: 㭒┺
Commands are often turned into requests with the help of 㭒┺, which is used to indicate that compliance with the request would be of benefit to the speaker.
Turning a command into a request for a favor has a dramatic softening effect. The following examples illustrate how different sentence endings, in
combination with the verb 㭒┺, vary in terms of directness and, therefore, courtesy. They are presented in descending order of directness, from most direct
to least direct softest.
㫆㣿䧞 䞮㕃㔲㡺. Keep quiet.
㫖 㫆㣿䧞 䟊 㭒㕃㔲㡺. Please keep quiet.
㫖 㫆㣿䧞 䟊 㭒㔲₆ ⧣┞┺. We’d like it if you would keep quiet. 㫖 㫆㣿䧞 䟊 㭒㔲Ỷ㔋┞₢?
Would you please keep quiet for us? 㫖 㫆㣿䧞 䟊 㭒㔺 㑮 㧞㦚₢㣪? Would it be possible for you to keep quiet
for us? ゾⰂ 㡺㎎㣪.
Come right away. ゾⰂ 㢖 㭒㎎㣪.
Please come right away. ゾⰂ 㫖 㢖 㭒㔲₆ ⧮㣪.
We’d like you to come right away. ゾⰂ 㫖 㢖 㭒㔲Ỷ㠊㣪?
Would you please come right away? ゾⰂ 㫖 㢖 㭒㔺 㑮 㧞㦚₢㣪? Would it be possible for you to come right
away? ㌂㩚 㫖 アⰓ㔲┺.
Let me borrow your book. ㌂㩚 㫖 ア⩺ 㭒㎎㣪.
Please let me borrow your book. ㌂㩚 㫖 ア⩺ 㭒㔲Ỷ㠊㣪?
Would you please let me borrow your book? ㌂㩚 㫖 アⰊ 㑮 㧞㦚₢㣪?
Would it be possible to borrow your book? To further soften your request, you can start with 㬚㏷䞮㰖Ⱒ ‘excuse me’ see
4.5.
6.2.2 The verb: ⽊┺
The auxiliary verb ⽊┺ is widely used to soften the speaker’s assertion by making it less direct and by reducing hisher commitment to the statement.
㩖⓪ Ṗ ⽊Ỷ㔋┞┺. I’ll get going.
䞲⻞ 䟊 ⽊Ỷ㔋┞┺. I’ll give it a try.
㩲Ṗ 㞢㞚⽊Ỷ㔋┞┺. I’ll try to find out about it.
Use of ⽊┺ turns a command into a suggestion such as ‘Why don’t you…for your own sake?’
Command: 㧊㩲 ⁎Ⱒ Ṗ.
Go now. Suggestion: 㧊㩲 ⁎Ⱒ Ṗ ⽦.
Why don’t you go now? Thanks to the use of ⽊┺, commands become milder and less direct, creating
the impression that the speaker is leaving some room for the other person to
make a choice by saying ‘Try it if you’d like.’ 㧊 Ệ 䞮⋮ ✲㎪ ⽊㎎㣪.
Try to eat this. 㧊 㡗㟧䋂Ⱂ 㫖 ⧒ ⽊㎎㣪.
Try this nourishing cream.
6.2.3 The verb: ♮┺
The -Ợ ♮┺ pattern indicates that something happens in a way that is out of one’s control. It can be used to avoid indicating direct involvement by the
speaker in an event or a decision, thereby reducing hisher responsibility for it.
㔺⪖㧎 㭚 㞢Ⳋ㍲☚ 㧊⩝Ợ ⓼Ợ 㩚䢪✲ⰂỢ ♦㔋┞┺. Even though I know it’s a breach of etiquette, I’ve ended up phoning you this late.
⽎㦮 㞚┞Ợ 㟓㏣㦚 㠊₆Ợ ♒㍲ 㬚㏷䞿┞┺. I’m sorry I ended up having to break my promise even though I didn’t mean to.
䞲ℒ⻞㠦 㿪㻲㍲⯒ 3 䐋㝿㧊⋮ 䌗✲ⰂỢ ♦㠊㣪. It has turned out that I have to ask for as many as three recommendation letters.
㠊⠑Ợ 䞮┺ ⽊┞₢ ⁎⩝Ợ ♦㠊㣪. One thing led to another and it just turned out that way.
㡂㧦 䂲ῂ䞮ἶ 䠺㠊㰖Ợ ♦㠊. It turns out that I’ll be breaking up with my girlfriend.
㡺⧮ ♲ 㢍㦖 㞞 㧛Ợ ♲┺. I tend not to wear old clothes.
㧦∎ 㠦 ⓼Ợ 㧦Ợ ♲┺. I keep ending up going to bed late at night.
The -Ợ ♮┺ pattern can also be used to imply that because events have transpired beyond the control of the speaker, she cannot take credit for them.
By not bragging, the speaker softens hisher statement.
┺㦢 䞯₆㠦 㩚㞷 㧻䞯⁞㦚 䌖Ợ ♦┺. It turns out that I’ll be receiving a full scholarship next semester.
㩖 㧊⻞㠦 㔏㰚䞮Ợ ♦㔋┞┺. It turns out that I’ll be getting promoted this time.
6.2.4 The verb: 䞮┺
The verb 䞮┺ provides a useful strategy for expressing a thought less directly, thereby softening the statement. As the following examples illustrate, expressions
with 䞮┺ are often more appropriate than their counterparts, especially in a formal situation.
㠊⟺ Ỏ⪲ 䞮㔲Ỷ㠊㣪? What would you like to have?
ⶦ ✲㔲Ỷ㠊㣪? What would you like to eat?
㧊 ⺆ 䞲 ㌗㧦㠦 㠊⠑Ợ 䟊㣪? How much does a box of pears go for? 㧊 ⺆ 䞲 ㌗㧦㠦 㠒Ⱎ㡞㣪?
How much is a box of these pears? ⋮㊲ 㔋ὖ㦖 㫖 ἶ䂮☚⪳ 䟊.
Make sure to correct your bad habits. ⋮㊲ 㔋ὖ㦖 㫖 ἶ㼦.
Correct your bad habits. ⍞ⶊ ⓼㰖 㞠☚⪳ 䞮㎎㣪.
Make sure not to be too late. ⍞ⶊ ⓼㰖 Ⱎ㎎㣪.
Don’t be too late.
6.2.5 The verb: ⁎⩝┺
The expression ⁎⩝┺ proves especially useful when trying to avoid saying something unpleasant or something that one doesn’t feel comfortable going into
detail about. It therefore provides an efficient hedging device.
A: 㧊 㢍 㠊➢㣪? B: ⁎ 㢍㦖 㫖 ⁎⩝┺. ㌟₪㧊 㫖 ⁎⩝㰖 㞠┞?
A: What do you think of these clothes? B: Those clothes are a bit…not quite. Isn’t the color a little off?
A: 㧊⩆ Ⱖ㝖 ✲Ⰲ₆ 㫖 ⁎⩝㰖Ⱒ, ⌊㧒䎆 ⴑ ⋮㢂 ộ ṯ㔋┞┺. B: 㞚┞, 㧊⩝Ợ ṧ㧧㓺⩓Ợ ⁎Ⱒ⚦Ⳋ 㠊⠑Ợ 䟊㣪?
A: It’s a bit hard for me to say this, but I won’t be able to come, starting tomorrow. B: What, how can you quit suddenly like this?
A: ⶊ㓾 㧒 㧞㠊㣪? ₆㧊 㞞 㫡㞚 ⽊㡂㣪. B: 㡺⓮ 㰧㞞 㥚₆Ṗ 㫖 ⁎⧮㍲ ⋮☚ ₆㧊 㫖 ⁎⩂⍺㣪.
A: Are you alright? You don’t seem to be in a good mood. B: I feel a little down because the atmosphere at home is kind of bad.
A: ⶊ㓾 㞞 㫡㦖 㧒 㧞㠞㠊㣪? A: Has anything bad happened? B: ⁎⩊ 㧒㧊 㫖 㧞㠞㠊㣪.
B: There was something.
